[DnD] Crusader (GFF D&D Adventure 2)

With a mighty crash, the ogre's greatclub tears through the door. The wizard and the cleric, prepared for this contingency, open fire — and both of them miss.

Well, that was an uneventful update.

Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Gabriel begins to grow comfortable in the doorway. Perhaps it can be a new home for him. He tosses the sword aside and casually sharpens his axe. #3 Doorway Avenue is a beautiful place to be!

Whetstone: Opportunistic Battle-Axe raised to +2 for the encounter
Hot potato passed to Bob

Argumentus, growing impatient with his distance from the battle, begins to twitch. A thin streamer of drool trickles from his lip, and the red mist descends once more.

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Motsognir prepares to strike out at the ogre, should the ogre somehow actually make any forward progress.

With the sword in Bob's hands, he becomes the primary target of the elves. Two of them squeeze through the doorway with their longswords, and Bob's new robe gets ventilated. The rest continue battering away at Gabe, more out of a desire to clear away an obstacle than out of any genuine malice.

5 damage to Bob
16 damage to Gabe

Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Bob throws up his hand and the incoming blade bounces off the very air in front of him. Incensed at this impudent assault on his person, he wreathes himself in searing flames which burn but do not consume. The swordsman takes another swing as Bob smashes ice into his face, but is made to suffer for this insult as well.

Bob didn't actually take that 5 damage last turn after all
6 damage to elf K9, slowed
Ranged attack in melee range: attack of opportunity. 10 damage to Bob
8 damage to elf K9, bloodied

Finally in reach of an enemy that won't trample her underfoot, Brigid darts in and very nearly finishes off the scorched and frozen archer.

10 damage to elf K9, bonus to Arg

The ogre takes another swing, bouncing harmlessly off of Gabriel's ridiculously heavy defenses.

Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre

I was speaking idiomatically.

Hewing out with his axe, Gabriel hacks opens the elf's midsection. Clutching at his vitals, the elf slides to the floor.

"I only had... three days... 'til retirement...Dolph! Tell... my wife... I love...wheeze."

An elf wearing facepaints looks on with a mixture of horror and relief. "Well, at least he'll never have to find out I've been fuckin' his wife."

14 damage to elf K9, killed
Gabe's HP +10

Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Mots wanders out into the hall and, seeing the carnage that Gabe is wreaking there, encourages him to keep it up. He then returns his attention to the intriguing pages of Elminster's Encyclopaedia of Household Vegetables.

Commander's Strike: 18 damage to elf L9

The elves retreat from the hallway, finding the cramped spaces uncomfortable. They form ranks behind the ogre and resume their original tactic of perforating the dwarves from a distance.

Motsognir's reading is rudely interrupted when an arrow suddenly protrudes between Romaine and Rutabaga. As he looks up in irritation, a second arrow promptly embeds itself in his nose. Wailing in horror, Soggy falls to the floor.

Mots and Gabe both get AOOs on retreating elf, but miss
2 arrows hit Motsognir: 27 damage, dying, unconscious, yada yada
1 arrow hits Gabe: 9 damage

Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers

FELIPE NO

Bob sets some people on fire and then runs away. Although the ranged burning is as pleasant as ever, it lacks the essential je ne sais quoi of having one's enemies burst into flame merely from touching you.

Scorching Burst: 7 damage each to ogre, elf O9, elf O10

The cleric, Brigid, did find the unconscious warlord, and declares him not dead. Against his better judgment, Motsognir opens his eyes and tries to remember where he is. He looks up, and a hairy fat man wearing nothing but furry underwear is pointing down at him and laughing. Just like the last time! Why does this keep happening to me?

Healing Word: Mots restored to 13 HP
Hand Crossbow: miss

The ogre takes one more step before once again running up against the dwarven roadblock. His attempt to break through the barricade once again meets with frustration and sadness, and he makes another attempt to lighten the mood.

"I spy with my little eye, something that—"

"Is it a beard, Klaus?"

"Damn it!"

this ogre, so useless

Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Gabriel neatly lops off the ogre's ear, and it flops to the floor in front of the creature.

"Oooh! That's new. I spy.... wait. Oh."

He then brightens. "I wonder if it still works! HELLO THERE! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

The ogre's face fills with a sunny smile. "I can still hear myself! My ear still works! You have no power against my magic ear, tiny man!"

He picks up the ear and waves it mockingly at Gabe. "In. Your. Face!"

A shout rises up from the back of the ranks. "Cut off his arse next, I want to see what happens!"

Bolstering Strike: 14 damage to Ogre
Ogre marked by Gabe

Motsognir crawls about on his hands and knees, not seeing the point in standing up again when it just means he'll hit the floor harder next time.

Inspring Word: Motsognir's HP +9 (forgot to remove the bloodied tag, sorry)

Argumentus, armed with a powerful magic sword which the gods themselves have smiled on, hangs out in the kitchen and mocks his enemies. He may also do a little dance; this is unconfirmed.

Infuriated by Argumentus' taunting, but unwilling to re-enter the dwarven meat grinder, the elves take positions alongside the doorway. The bastards have to come out eventually.

Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Bob's sudden preoccupation with shirtless, gyrating men spoils his aim rather badly.

Scorching Burst: miss (both targets)

Brigid continues to stay out of the way, in a move that is precisely as safe as it isn't effective.

Hand Crossbow: miss

Emboldened by the undying power of his magic ear, Klaus sets out to destroy Gabriel once and for all. He makes some decent progress toward this goal, all considered.

11 damage to Gabe, bloodied

Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre

Sorry for the wait, Verizon is a useless sack of crap

There's nowhere I can't reach.

With the power in his holy symbol closing up the worst of his wounds, Gabriel lines up the axe; he swings... oh, he whiffs it. What a disappointment. Don't lay hands on yourself the day of a big fight, coach always said.

Gabe's HP +10
Bolstering Strike: miss

Still sprawled on the floor, Motsognir wedges his axe into the nearest tall object and pulls himself upright. That the relevant object is Klaus' now-mutilated left forearm is of relatively little concern to the dwarf.

Bloody Ending: 20 damage to Ogre

Argumentus continues dicking around with the sword and not accomplishing a whole lot, attempting to lure the beast with simple taunts while the Paladin has drawn its attention via a divine mandate.

Still unenthused about rushing headlong into FLAB BATTLE!!!, the elves take a step away from the doorway and continue biding their time.

Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Ray of Frost: miss
Hand Crossbow: miss
Pattern: Seems fairly obvious

Klaus takes another swing & a miss at Gabe, then takes a step north to escape the flank.

Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Goliath is once again released from his astral cage, hungry and snarling. He lunges at the ogre, ripping the meat from his leg.

Goliath placed in J11 (has to be adjacent to you, sorry), 10 temp HP granted
Bite: Critical Hit! 9 damage to ogre

Motsognir's strike on the ogre just bounces off one of Klaus' sturdy joints.

Viper's Strike: miss

Argumentus, tiring at last of all his taunting, strides forth with the popular-seeming weapon. He makes a quick practice swing to line up his strike, and then lunges forth at the ogre's throat. The gleaming blade severs the ogre's head from its body in a single blow, and the headless corpse sinks to its knees before collapsing to the floor in an earthshaking crash.

His head bounced away, and the elves gave a shriek
And away they all fled, for alone they are weak
But Arg heard one exclaim as they ran for their lives
"Forget the damned sword, I want to survive!"

Reaping Strike: miss
Brute Strike: 27 damage, ogre killed

VICTORY! 1025 XP (205 XP each)

I was speaking idiomatically.

Brigid rifles through the personal effects of the dead. Most of it is cheap mundane equipment.

Greatclub, Hide Armor, Leather Armor, Longsword, Longbow, 15 arrows

Strapped to the dead elf's belt, however, is a clue as to how poor Klaus was bullied into their service in the first place; an ivory horn carved into a stiletto more than sharp enough to puncture the poor ogre's layer of blubber.

Daggers do base damage of 1d4,

have a proficiency bonus of +3,

and yes, everyone can wield them.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The group takes a moment to catch their breath before they head out to find a place to hole up for the night.

Temp HP rescinded, encounter powers restored
Dagger added to Brigid's wiki
Gabriel's HP +18
Bob's HP +5
Arg's HP +11
Mot's HP +13

FELIPE NO

The company eventually finds a derelict warehouse to shelter in on the edge of town, and true to his word Bob manages to bullseye a few largish rats (as well as some Insects of Unusual Size). They feast, perhaps not grandly but at least frugally.

Much of the night passes quietly. Sleeping in shifts, no one gets enough sleep to truly feel rested and paranoia runs high. In due time Bob shakes Argumentus from his fitful slumber; it's time to change shifts. Blinking against the darkness, Arg stares out into the silent emptiness of the city outskirts.

Perhaps an hour later, perhaps two (Arg was never much for counting) a heavy clanking sound begins to move inexorably toward the hideout. He readies his weapons, and the noisy visitor at last clatters into view. A man in platemail steps into the firelight; why, it's Lord Broden!

"Good evening, uh, you! I've just come to retrieve my sword, you know. I'm sure you would have dropped it off tomorrow but I'm in ummmmm a bit of a hurry, yes. I must go and fight, err, a terrible demon! Immediately! So please just hand it over, yes! With my thanks and the thanks of..."

(he lifts the holy symbol on his neck and frowns at it )

"...Bahamut. Yes, the Dragon King surely smiles upon your service. So fork it over. Just stop by the house the day after tomorrow and I'll see that you're rewarded properly."

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

"Oh the... zombies! The zombies, yes. That turned out to be nothing. Just old man Witherspoon in a zombie mask the whole time, tryin' to scare people away from his watermelon patch. Why, if it weren't for those meddling kids and their dog, he might have gotten away with it. At any rate, a much more dangerous opponent is at hand! A fearsome werewolf is haunting the old fairgrounds! To say the least I must go and slay it immediately but without my silver sword it shall surely rend me to pieces. Werewolves, you know. They hate silver!"

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Broden seems crestfallen, and his brow furrows.

"Well, to be honest, I'm a Lord in name only. It's a ceremonial thing, I was knighted by the Duke for my community service work. It's fairly routine, although normally those honored are bards and actors, things like that. In retrospect I should have refused the honor, it brought me a lot of undesirable attention."

He coughs.

"Sooooo. Werewolf. Sword."

Out in the darkness, a sonorous howl cuts through the night.

"Pretty please?"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

After shaking the rest of the party awake, Argumentus proceeds to grill Broden about the inconsistencies in his story. The paladin is unimpressed.

"Oh, that's.... it's a demon werewolf! Half demon, half werewolf, all evil. I've seen it myself! It's quite terrible. But, ah, he's not going to kill himself! Soooo, sword. Ahem."

The howl breaks through the darkness again, sounding a little more malevolent and demon-like this time.

Intimidate: Failed

Argumentus wakes Bob from his slumber, and he attempts to get his bearings while he surreptitiously smooths out his bed head. Honing his sense of the arcane on the surroundings, he detects nothing amiss until a howling sound breaks the awkward silence between Broden and his interrogators. He squints in the direction of the sound, and the nearly-invisible ripples of a just-cast Ghost Sound linger momentarily in the shadows a few yards to his west. Treachery!

Detect Magic: Success

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"Yes" says Broden to Bob, "but it is not merely the silver that makes it valuable. The blade has been blessed by Bahamut himself, and is therefore a deadly weapon indeed in the hands of his pilgrims."

Broden coughs.

"You know, such as myself. Obviously, so long as the blade is out of the hands of the righteous, evildoers will seek to destroy it or hide it away, since it presents such a terrible threat to them. Now, friends, you are clearly none of you evildoers. But neither are you invincible! I should hate for something horrid to happen to you all in defense of the blade, since you know not of the vile powers arrayed against you. Cruel as it is, there are surely many who will value the sword far more than they value the sanctity of your lives.

Finagill never mentioned any walrus to me, but it surprises me not at all. He was quite mad in his last days, and a walrus golem is precisely the sort of ridiculous thing that might appeal to his senile mind. For my part I stayed well out of his workshop; I make it a point to avoid magery whenever I can feasibly do so. It is curious stuff and well beyond my understanding."

Bob sidles gradually to the side as Broden answers, seeking the source of the Ghost Sound. He finds his answer quite abruptly, nearly stumbling over a dwarven figure crouched in a doorway. The stocky fellow immediately leaps to his feet, and the firelight flickers harshly over his soot-grey skin.

"Good evening, uh, ma'am! Are you in charge of kitchen purchases for your household? I have here a fine assortment of — (he rifles through his pockets) knives and uhhh (he points a thumb at the warhammer strapped to his back) this durable crab mallet! Well, nevermind, I can see you've got company over so I won't take up any more of your time!"

The grey dwarf begins tiptoeing backward, very slowly.

Brigid casts a critical eye on Broden. On the surface, at least, nothing seems awry about the man or any of his apparatus.

All the same, Argumentus moves between Broden and the doorway, blocking any sudden exit.



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Gabe takes a good hard look at the intruder. He doesn't see anything amiss either, but who can be sure? At any rate, the circumstantial evidence seems strong enough and he proceeds to browbeat the gray dwarf into a quivering heap of jelly.

Intimidate: Success

The gray dwarf begins backpedaling ever faster, stumbling over chunks of ruined furniture and broken crates. "Broden" rolls his eyes, and the next words out of his mouth come not in the paladin's clipped baritone but in the harsh and sibilant rasp of a tired woman with something working on her last nerve.

"HOLD IT! Don't you try to run away from me again, Karl. You know what'll happen if you do, and frankly I'm runnin' out of thumbscrews. Rolf, Iggy, come on out. It appears these fine folks have called our little bluff."

A smirking halfling steps out of a doorway to the north, finger on the trigger of his crossbow. To the east, a hulking creature like a goblin crossed with a grizzly bear steps out of a stairwell.

"Broden" lifts his steel breastplate over his head, and as the armor crashes to the floor the paladin's noble features vanish entirely. The figure that remains is not human in the least. A mane of white hair hangs down over her bluish-gray face, and her large unpupiled eyes seem quite comfortable in the darkness.

She shrugs off what's left of Broden's armor, and the black leathers underneath leave all but her smirking oval face nearly invisible in the gloom.

"As long as we're sharing secrets, let me lay the rest of the cards on the table. This Broden you so honorably want to return the sword to, well. He's in no condition to grant you any favors, let's put it that way. He put up a good fight, though. There were six of us when we jumped him. Then to find out he didn't even have the damn sword yet because you clowns decided to go camping! Let me tell you, it's been a long day."

She pulls the symbol of Bahamut from around her neck and throws it to the floor. It shatters like glass, the dragon god's power having fled it. The shapeshifter cocks her head at Gabriel and smiles.

"That's the story, mighty mouse. How do you want to play out the finale? We can all still go home with our heads attached. Do the smart thing, hmm?"



I was speaking idiomatically.

Though hoping to avoid a fight, the doppelganger's crew is more than prepared for one. Argumentus' sudden assault surprises nobody, but he does claim the initiative. Smashing the sword's hilt into the back of her head, he shoves the doppelganger to the floor. She clutches at her head and mutters "Why don't they ever do it the smart way?"

Sure Strike: 5 damage
Shield Slam connects; Doppelganger is pushed and knocked prone

The halfling across the fire reacts almost instantly, firing his crossbow at Argumentus. The tiny quarrel sinks into his bicep, but the big man almost laughs it off — until he feels the poison start to sap his strength.

7 damage to Argumentus; slowed, 3 ongoing poison damage (save ends both)

Bob, Brigid, Bugbear, Doppelganger, Duergar, Motsognir, Gabriel, Argumentus, Halfling

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In typical form, Bob looks around the battle for somebody who looks vulnerable to cold and selects the hulking fur-covered monster. Bob does not cope well with having his beauty sleep interrupted.

Ray of Frost: miss

With the doppelganger already on the floor with a head wound, Brigid takes the opportunity for a good ol' boot-to-the head.

Righteous Brand: miss
Wrathful Thunder: 7 damage to doppelganger; dazed

The Bugbear shifts southwest and takes a swing at Motsognir with his shortsword.

6 damage to Motsognir

The doppelganger staggers to her feet, wavering back and forth and muttering a string of curses vile enough to make Motsognir's mustache wilt.

Doppelganger stands up

The duergar moves northward, carefully lining up his hammer with Gabe as a fiery bolt erupts from it. "It's just like my job, okay?!" he shouts. "Don't take it personal!"

14 damage to Gabe

Motsognir, Gabriel, Argumentus, Halfling, Bob, Brigid, Bugbear, Doppelganger, Duergar

FELIPE NO

Soggy reaches over the fire and gingerly plucks the bolt out of Argumentus' arm. He's still too wobbly for the moment for his next swing to connect.

Shake It Off: Success, Arg's status cleared
Commander's Strike: miss. Sword ticks up to +3.

Knowing that he must end the battle quickly, Gabriel charges the doppelganger and swings with the full strength that he can muster. She probably didn't need those intestines anyway.

Righteous Smite: 29 damage to Doppelganger; bloodied

Arg piles on the hurt, taunting the battered doppelganger.

Reaping Strike: 17 damage to Doppelganger; marked

The halfling fires a bolt into Brigid's back, but a lifetime of eating things pulled out of a swamp allows her to shrug the poison off.

8 damage to Brigid

Bob, Brigid, Bugbear, Doppelganger, Duergar, Motsognir, Gabriel, Argumentus, Halfling

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Bob splays his fingers into a wide fork, sending cruel daggers of elemental ice darting in each direction. The halfling manages to duck at the last second, but the battered and disoriented doppelganger is hit square in the stomach. The ice rapidly spreads over her blood-soaked body, and she looks down in horror, barely able to comprehend. "No!" she cries. "My beautiful wickedne—"

The ice stops her mouth, and she is silent.

Icy Rays (Doppelganger): Critical Hit! 18 damage; kill
Icy Rays (Halfling): Miss
I have to stop creating battle scenarios with obvious targets. Next time: 400 angry puppies with knives taped to their heads.

Brigid, Bugbear, Duergar, Motsognir, Gabriel, Argumentus, Halfling, Bob

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"What the—"

The enemy leans back, narrowly dodging the flame-wreathed mace Brigid swings at his head.

"Aunt Brigid, what are you doing? You're embarrassing me in front of my friends! I told you a million times, I'm an adult now! You can't just set me on fire whenever you feel like it! 'Iggy, take out the garbage or I'll burn your face off. Iggy, feed the pigs or I'll incinerate you.' Well, not any more! Today, it's you who gets burned! By... uh... this... sword here, I guess... ANYWAY YOU CAN'T PUSH ME AROUND! I'LL POISON YOU TO DEATH IF I FEEL LIKE IT! I HAVE RIGHTS!"

He waves his stubby little arms in fury.

Avenging Flame: miss, 6 damage.

The bugbear circles around Motsognir and flanks Brigid, but his shortsword swing misses anyway.

The duergar backs up another step, and swings his hammer into the wall. The dilapidated building shudders, and debris from the second floor rains down on the party through holes in the ceiling. Argumentus, Gabriel and Bob are all battered about the head by chunks of wood and sent sprawling to the floor.

"Stay away from me!" he shouts. "I swear, I'll bring the whole building down on top of you!"

9 damage to Arg, Gabe, Bob. Gabe bloodied, all 3 knocked prone

Motsognir, Gabriel, Argumentus, Halfling, Bob, Brigid, Bugbear, Duergar

How ya doing, buddy?

Soggy smoothly circles behind the bugbear, aiming his heavy axe at the goblinoid's center of gravity. At the last moment he turns the grip and strikes the hairy beast with the flat of the blade. The bugbear wheels his arms and stumbles helplessly into the roaring campfire, provoking him into the only vocalization he's made since his arrival.

"MY FLESH! IT BURNS!"

Inspiring Word: Gabe's HP +14
Viper's Strike: 12 damage to Bugbear
Staggering Greataxe Power: 7 damage to Bugbear, and 3 ongoing

Staggering to his feet and brushing splinters out of his beard, Gabe does his best to re-intimidate the duergar, but the gray dwarf's having none of it.

"That's just it, flatlander. You talk a good fight but how dangerous can you be when you can't even dodge a house? I mean, really, nice reflexes there. I'll put you on my list of dangerous threats, right under snapping turtles."

Hoping to impress somebody, Gabriel turns his derision on the bugbear. This seems to be more effective, though it's hard to tell with the screaming and the thrashing and the burning fur stink.

Intimidate: Fail
Bugbear marked

Argumentus crawls out from under the avalanche to find that some kind soul has put leftovers back on the fire! His heart is warmed by this considerate gesture.

Argumentus' HP +11, defenses +2

"This is for the time you put little Fluffy into a stew and told me he 'wandered off'!", Iggy screams, thrusting his sword at Brigid's shoulder. It bounces harmlessly off the chainmail, and his face twists up in rage.

"AUGH, YOU ALWAYS RUIN EVERYTHING!"

Bob, Brigid, Bugbear, Duergar, Motsognir, Gabriel, Argumentus, Halfling

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