[DnD] Tomb of Horrors (GFF D&D Adventure X)

4 Dice Rolls *Nope.

Beefi slides down the chain, descending into another long corridor. Luckily, this one provides some illumination from a lantern on the north wall, and he can get the lay of the land without waiting for the others. The hallway is lined with massive paintings, 10 each on both the east and west walls; each of the paintings is perhaps 10 feet wide and 15 feet tall, reaching floor to ceiling. The only other notable feature in the corridor is another mist-filled archway at the south end.

Garold's quick thinking saves both Slim and himself from too much injury, as the mass of piranhas are largely busy feeding on the hastily-made chum. Not all of the fish were so easily distracted, however, and they both take a few bites while scrambling up onto the hatch platform. Garold makes it up first, only to have a frantic Uxig shove him down the hole in an effort to make room for himself. Garold grabs desperately at the chain on the way down, but can't get a solid grip. He slams painfully into the tile next to a startled Beefi.

17 damage to Garold, piranha bites
15 damage to Uxig, piranha bites
20 damage to Garold, 30-foot fall

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Dice Roll *what's taters, precious

Slim checks out the paintings. All of them share a similar motif; creatures both extraordinary and mundane, posing with multi-colored spheres.

On the west wall, north to south:

A naga balances a gold sphere atop its head.
A withered mummy holds an orange sphere at its waist.
A burly minotaur stands with one of his hooves atop a purple sphere.
A sneering lamia holds a bronze sphere at her hip.
An owlbear carries a grey sphere atop its broad back.
A sahuagin balances atop a bright blue sphere.
A red slaad grasps desperately at a white sphere that hovers overhead.
A satyr tucks a turquoise sphere between its head and its left shoulder.
An illiithid tucks a scarlet sphere into a belt pouch.
A medusa aims a crossbow suspiciously at the pale green sphere lying at her feet.

On the east wall, north to south:

A werewolf's right shoulder is adorned with a pale blue sphere.
A wingless gargoyle clutches at a silver sphere on the ground.
A fire giant's crown is topped with a green sphere.
A kenku reaches over its back, tucking a yellow sphere into its pack.
A yuan-ti stares reverently at a pink sphere hovering overhead.
A massive hydra chews on the fresh carcass of a horse, ignoring the black sphere that has fallen from the saddlebags onto the ground.
A heavily-scarred kuo-toa carries a pale violet sphere over its shoulder in a net.
An elderly human mage gazes fearfully at his feet; he has nearly trodden upon a yellow-brown sphere.
A four-armed skeleton wields 3 scimitars; the fourth hand dangles at the waist, grasping a red sphere.
A winged succubus holds an indigo sphere well over her head, as though tauntingly keeping it out of reach.

Samwise tries to keep his balance on the rope, but it's no good; he hadn't been that steady on his feet for a long, long time. As he awkwardly topples over to his left, he manages to grab the rope on the way down and makes his way over to the hatch the slow way. It could have been worse, but that's small consolation as the piranhas rip little chunks out of his calves.

6 damage to Sam: piranha bites (half damage for partial immersion)

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

There's not much more to discover about the hydra painting. It's very badly done; everything is composed of simple, bright colors and judging from a few spots where the painter failed to conceal the canvas at all, the whole thing is literally paint-by-numbers. The rest of the paintings are just as incompetent. The spheres are the only thing made with any talent, as though a second painter added them on top of the clumsy works on display.

Gra-fa-zut makes it across the platforms with significantly more effort than is really necessary, but is unharmed.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Slim's hand goes right through the sphere with no resistance; it's just an illusion. There's an empty space roughly as wide as the sphere beyond; a circular hole in the wall about 3' wide. Slim doesn't feel anything occupying the space, nor can he reach the back of it (assuming the space has a finite depth).

I was speaking idiomatically.

2 Dice Rolls save vs bleeding, 1

Beefi's hand passes through the red sphere easily as well, finding another empty space beyond. Impatient, he simply pulls the massive skeleton painting from the wall and tosses it onto the floor. With the painting (and its attendant illusion) out of the way, a crawlspace is revealed at the height that the sphere had occupied — roughly shoulder-height for Beefi. The 3' square tunnel continues for about 40 feet to the east before apparently terminating in a dead end, but by the light of his new lantern Beefi can see that the stone block at the end is wedged in unevenly; it should be possible to push it out of the way (not easily, though, given the cramped nature of the crawlspace).

Garold's spear reveals the gold sphere to also be an illusion, detecting an indeterminate empty space beyond. Even if he were to tear the painting down, the space is several feet over his head; it'll be tricky investigating further.

Gra-fa-zut casually jams his hand through the orange sphere held by the mummy, discovering another empty space — well, not quite. Before he can react, Gra-fa-zut feels his hand ripping through a fragile thread, and a tortured creaking reverberates through the west wall. With a great rush of dusty air, a spear comes flying out of the illusory sphere! Gra-fa-zut turns aside before the antique weapon can skewer him, but he's still grazed. He manages to staunch the bleeding with little trouble.

5 damage to Gra-fa-zut: filthy ol' spear

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Slim shoves his head through the illusory black sphere. Beyond is a long, cramped passage very much like the one Sam was presently entering. Rather than terminating in a false dead end, however, this crawlspace goes on unimpeded for about 60 feet before making a sharp turn to the east.

Sam climbs into the crawlspace that had been behind the skeleton painting and just... looks at it. It looks pretty much the same as it did when Beefi looked at it.

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Gra-fa-zut fetches Slim a rope, but it's thankfully unnecessary; the snug tunnel goes nowhere that would make a return crawl difficult. After a long crawl to the east and another to the south, Slim emerges from the tunnel into a vast chamber, such that his darkvision alone is insufficient to see the far walls. At first glance, the area seems reminiscent of a church; pews stand in tidy rows on a floor of clean white marble, and a broad band of some glossy red stone cuts through the center of the room.

Slim detects a strong odor of incense coming from the south. Lavender! Who doesn't like lavender.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Sam advances down the tunnel cautiously, encountering no immediate threats, and carefully pushes the blockade aside. The passage opens onto a squarish chamber, strewn with heaps of rubble. Three bulky chests surround the room's center; one plated in gold, another in silver, and a third of fine mahogany.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

6 Dice Rolls Gra-fa-zut init

Beefi pulls the rest of the paintings down. Only one (the lamia) is hiding anything more, and it's just another hidden spear.

Slim raps on the wooden chest with his 10-foot pole, and the lid springs open instantly. A massive, four-armed skeleton the size of an ogre awkwardly unfolds itself out of the box, menacing Slim with four gleaming scimitars.

"Hey, bro. Skeleton in a box, gonna kill you. Nothin' personal, you know how it is."

He seems fairly well-spoken for a guy with no vocal cords.

Skeleton: AC 22, Fort 21, Reflex 24, Will 21

Sam 24, Skeleton 21, Garold 19, Beefi 16, Slim 12, Gra-fa-zut 8

There's nowhere I can't reach.

6 Dice Rolls Snake? SNAKE? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

Sam lunges at the massive skeleton, burying his rapier in the thing's rib cage. Sadly there's nothing really important in there, and the thrust brings Sam a little closer to the skeleton's whirling scimitars than he might have liked. The bone-bag thrashes away like a steel tornado, badly wounding both Sam and Slim and sending them flying with the sheer force of the blows.

Sam careens backwards, tumbling over the golden box. Alas, he's disturbed its inhabitants as well — a dozen hissing vipers pour of the chest, quite agitated.

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?


16 damage to Sam: Preemptive Slash
16 damage to Sam: Rain of Steel
35 damage to Slim: Rain of Steel (crit)
Both bloodied and knocked back

Snake defenses: AC 25, Fort 21, Ref 24, Will 22. Aura 2: take a -2 penalty to attack rolls.

Slim 12, Gra-fa-zut 8, Horde Vipers 27, Sam 24, Skeleton 21, Garold 19, Beefi 16

I know the letter tags on the minions are too small to read but welp you guys scattered all over the place =/

How ya doing, buddy?

20 Dice Rolls *dammit I mean

The vipers swarm over the two small intruders, favoring both of them with several venomous bites. The poison immediately begins to course through Sam's veins, but he stays on his feet somehow. He's had worse poisonings. Usually on purpose.

18 ongoing poison damage to Uxig.
16 ongoing poison damage to Sam.

Just noticed the snake's aura is fear-based, so Sam'll be immune to it I suppose.

Ignore the top NINE ROLLS, I fucked up pretty bad on the initial edit of this post.

Sam 24, Skeleton Guardian 21, Garold 19, Beefi 16, Slim 12, Gra-fa-zut 8, Horde Vipers 27

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Aw, what? I can't fit in that tunnel, what do you expect me to do? Come back when you're ready to fight like a man."

Grumbling and fuming, the skeleton just clambers back into his chest and slams it shut from the inside. That didn't accomplish much.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Somewhere deep in the bowels of the tomb, a terrifying howl rings out. The blood-chilling howl of a two-headed yeti with multiple wizard class levels. How cold it sounds.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

6 Dice Rolls Sam init

Lost in thought, Gra-fa-zut allows himself to be dragged into the chest room and used as a trap-spring. Once again, the massive skeleton unfolds itself from its cramped little resting place. It seems significantly less enthused about its responsibilities this time.

"You again?"

Sam 23, Garold 23, Skeleton 19, Uxig 14, Beefi 14, Gra-fa-zut 5

FELIPE NO

6 Dice Rolls *ohohoho

"Why would you fill my skull with wasps? You have unleashed a greater threat than I could have posed alone: a skeleton with wasps in his mouth and when he talks he shoots wasps at you!"

And with that, he shoots wasps at them. Fuckin' wasps. No loyalty.

Rain of Steel hits everyone but Gra-fa-zut for 15 damage, slides them 2 squares eastward.

Uxig 14, Beefi 14, Gra-fa-zut 5, Sam 23, Garold 23, Skeleton 19

How ya doing, buddy?

A dozen dry corpses groaningly tumble from the box one after another, reeking of spice and trailing bandages behind them. How had all these mummies fit inside this one chest? It was quite the mystery. If it had been, say, a dozen snakes in there, that would have been easier to understand.

Mummies: AC 22, Fort 24, Ref 19, Will 23 (Yes, minions)

Garold 23, Skeleton 19, Uxig 14, Beefi 14, Gra-fa-zut 5, Sam 23

Sorry Chanic, completely slipped past me that you might want an update.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

9 Dice Rolls *gimme dat arm

The party hurls their attacks at the skeleton one after another, each of them wildly off-target or deflected by the skeleton's whirling blades. Worse, Gra-fa-zut is thrown off-balance by the skeleton's quick parry, leaving him open for a vicious slash across his midsection.

30 damage to Gra-fa-zut; bloodied. (Preemptive Slash)

The situation is worsened when Sam, in an uncharacteristic act of inopportune curiosity, flips open the golden chest. Thinking quickly, Garold manifests a colony of angry bats from thin air.

The swarm of bats rip through the mummy horde, tearing apart the dusty, decrepit things with ease and making a general nuisance of themselves. As one of the mummies collapses into a moldering heap of wrappings on the floor, it lays a sinister curse upon the seeker who slew it.

"May your chewing gum lose its flavor! Your gum, and your children's gum! Yea, for 100 generations! May your pantaloons ride up uncomfortably! May your bread grow moldy at a slightly accelerated — "

Garold had no idea what chewing gum was, but a curse was a curse all the same. Despite himself, he was a little unnerved. And his pants were riding up uncomfortably. Urgh.

Final Curse: Garold's next surge use only grants 1/2 the HP.

The skeletal guardian is vexed. These bats could hardly be turned to his own advantage! I mean, you can only really fit one bat in your mouth at a time. Three, tops. Odds are you get a mouth full of guano for your trouble. No, best to just cut them up with his swords. It seems so pedestrian.

Worse, the bats were distracting him from the problem of the genasi, who seemed awfully important suddenly. He did have a nice sword; you can always use another sword. It's getting a fifth arm that would be the tricky bit.

"Cool sword, bro. Where'd you get it? I always wanted to a buy a sweet-ass sword like — never mind, I'll just take yours."

The skeleton brings his blades to bear on the genasi, attempting to hack his sword arm off at the shoulder. Only thanks to his durable armor are the scimitars kept from cleaving the limb off entirely.

27 damage to Gra-fa-zut

Uxig 14, Beefi 14, Mummies 11, Gra-fa-zut 5, Sam 23, Garold 23, Skeleton 19
Remember that you've got CA vs things in the bat zone (marked in maroon)

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3 Dice Rolls clutch of the dead (attempt 3)

The skeleton goes flying, pulverizing the dusty carcass unlucky enough to be standing behind it. As the mummy collapses, it too levels upon its killer a most sinister curse indeed. It's hard to make out what he's saying... is it just a grocery list?

"...lettuce, cheese.... pickles, onions... sesame seed... bun..."

Beefi also receives Final Curse (1/2 off next surge)

The few remaining mummies converge on Slim, as he is small and easy to manhandle. The motives of mummies are simple and kind of disgusting to think about. A rotting arm locks around Slim's neck, choking him and filling his nostrils with the stench of decay.

11 damage, and Uxig is grabbed (escape DC 18). It's the mummy at BO-1 that has you grabbed if it matters.)

Gra-fa-zut 5, Sam 23, Garold 23, Skeleton 19, Uxig 14, Beefi 14, Mummies 11

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

7 Dice Rolls second chance reroll

Gra-fa-zut effortlessly destroys the two mummies adjacent, freeing his kobold ally from their grip. With a wheeze, the mummies deliver another of their enigmatic curses.

"A handsome prince from exotic Nyambe will contact you in the hopes that you will aid him in recovering his fortune! He promises to split his inheritance with you, if you will only lend him 500 platinum pieces! After months of waiting, you will eventually learn that he was merely a mid-level functionary, and Nyambean inflation has reduced your award to a pittance! Oh ho ho ho ho ahahahahah heh, heh... SO IT SHALL BE."

Gra-fa-zut also Final Cursed (1/2 value from next surge)

Even sprawled over the chest, the skeleton remains a formidable threat. Even as Sam hacks into its bony legs, the whirling scimitars graze him with dozens of painful — no, Sam was completely unharmed. The wall took quite a beating, though.

Preemptive Slash: 28 damage to Sam (bloodied)
SECOND CHANCE! Reroll misses.
Sneak In The Attack has attack roll or damage, where are you getting that 1d8+5?

Determined to give his allies some breathing room, Garold summons up a mighty wind and hurls the skeletal guardian into the corner; its bones crunch noisily as it collides with the far wall. Despite all the abuse, it doesn't seem to be slowing down. With an irritated grunt, the skeleton lunges up out of the corner and flings itself at Uxig: the kobold fends off the guardian's retaliatory assault, for now.

Those mummies were already killed by wvlf, Chanic. Read your allies' posts guys geez
Skeleton stands up
Action Point! Move to BN-3, BO-2
Slash up Slim (Failure)

Uxig 14, Beefi 14, Mummy 11, Gra-fa-zut 5, Sam 23, Garold 23, Skeleton 19

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll flame jet initiative

The skeletal guardian staggers backward under the force of Slim's luminous fury, wreathed in silvery flames. Their attacks were taking a toll at last — one of the skeleton's four arms hangs limply at its side, and more than a few of its smaller bones were badly cracked.

"Blunt trauma", the skeleton mutters. "My one weakness. Also, apparently fire. I assumed I was more or less fireproof, but live and learn. Or... not... live? You people are confusing."

Skeleton bloodied

Having scored such a telling blow, Slim does his best to make it clear to the lone remaining mummy that further resistance would be futile. Alas, the leathery revenant isn't quite persuaded. With a low murmur of contempt, the mummy takes a step forward and opens the silver chest. A grimy mechanism rises from the strongbox, stinking of oil and soot. It resembles nothing more than a small, particularly ornate cannon, though the muzzle seems far too narrow to pass a projectile of any threatening size.

The mechanism begins to issue a low hiss. Two mechanical limbs rise on either side of the muzzle; one holding a small steel dagger, the other a well-worn chunk of flint.

Gra-fa-zut 5, Sam 23, Garold 23, Skeleton 19, Silver Chest Trap 16, Uxig 14, Beefi 14, Mummy 11

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17 Dice Rolls ah but gfz's AOO

The skeleton looked down in dismay as the genasi's blade ignited the few non-flaming ribs it had remaining.

"Oh, come on. That's just gratuitous."

Blades of Fiery Wrath does hit; you have advantage thanks to the bats, remember? 8 damage.

The bats, useful as they are, no longer serve to intimidate the skeleton. It's time to pull out the really big guns. To its credit, the skeletal guardian takes a buffalo to the chest with considerable aplomb — or as much aplomb as one could have after their ribcage had been reduced to a 2-dimensional plane.

Under the circumstances, "any" is still a considerable amount. The skeleton sprawls backwards, smashing into the apparatus — despite already being thoroughly engulfed in flames, it seems rather alarmed by this development.

The remaining mummy is flattened between the bony giant and the machine. No one will miss him. Sam darts in from the sidelines, harrying the bony thing from several angles. If nothing else, the skeleton would provide an unwilling shield against whatever the device was preparing to do — though a hollow bag of bones was clumsy armor at best. The retort he expects comes immediately, but he's ready for it.

The skeleton casts about for a target. The hated genasi and his lovely, lovely sword are out of reach. He could strike at the halfling again, but the rotten little bastard was moving around too quickly to follow. The kobold's wounds were knitting as he watched; no sense in swimming upstream. Only one thing for it. The minotaur scarcely seemed to notice the wound. The telltale click of the machine signaled that it was high time to move. The rotten bastards all took a swing at him (the damned cow finally hacked off one of his arms), but no matter. He was more concerned with extinguishing the wildfire that was rapidly approaching his cranium.

Beginning of Skeleton's turn: 5 ongoing damage
Scimitars vs Beefi: 16 damage (ugh)
Scarper off out of the way. 10 damage from Beefi's AOO.

The flint and steel finally spark, and the jet of invisible gas pouring out of the machine ignites as the muzzle rotates to the northwest. Only Sam is spry enough to crouch under the superheated blast, and even then he can feel the blisters forming on the arm he's used to shield his face. The kobold and the genasi are less lucky, catching the blast head-on and bursting into flames.

With the fuel consumed, the muzzle begins to rotate around the center of the machine again; preparing for the next blast.

26 fire damage to Uxig; 5 ongoing fire damage (save ends)
26 fire damage to Gra-fa-zut; 5 ongoing fire damage (save ends)
13 fire damage to Sam.
All three bloodied.

Uxig 14, Beefi 14, Gra-fa-zut 5, Sam 23, Garold 23, Skeleton 19, Flame Jet Trap 16

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2 Dice Rolls RECHARGE

With the flamethrower disarmed all too easily, the skeletal guardian has nowhere left to hide. Backed into a corner and assailed by bats, Garold's mighty anaconda is too much to endure. The massive snake easily snaps the brittle bones, and the skeleton's torso collapses into broken fragments. With nothing to hold them together, the four scimitar-swinging arms tumble to the floor — swiftly followed by everything else. The guardian was vanquished.

"You assholes", the now-immobile skull bitterly mutters. "The repair spell reagents come out of my paycheck, you know." Though clearly unhappy, the skull makes no further move to interfere with the adventurers — well, not that it could.

Victory! 3200 XP (640 each)

FELIPE NO

Slim seizes hold of the flamethrower before the automated platform on which it sat could sink back into the floor. 'twas an abominably heavy thing, but Slim's disproportionately mighty strength is more than adequate to haul it out of the chest. The operation of the thing seemed simple enough — as Samwise had discovered, it was enabled by use of a simple switch — but aiming the damned thing, when its muzzle tended to rotate uncontrollably 'round... this would be more problematic. If nothing else, the fuel tanks would make a serviceable explosive if the device did prove too onerous to control.

Whole thing weighs about 80 lb, the two fuel tanks weigh 25 each. You'll need both hands to carry it, and you'll need to put it down before turning it on. Your call whether to bother dragging it around or not.

The giant skull dangles heavily from Sam's belt, muttering darkly as his companions poke at the chests and the fire apparatus.

"You won't get away with this, you scum. I'll find a new body, so I will. A bigger one! With even more arms! Like, 16 arms. Can you deal with that many arms! Can you possibly defend against that much sword?! I think not, sir. I think not. Whatcha gonna do, brother, when Swordamania runs wild on you? Grrrrrr."

The rewards of the battle are fine indeed. Each of the four scimitars the skeleton had been wielding is imbued with a unique enchantment (though in some cases it's hard to say that the enchantments were really appropriate to the skeleton's responsibilities. Regardless, there's a small fortune in magic steel strewn about the floor.









The gold chest is utterly empty, as is the silver chest once Uxig has removed the machine contained within. Inside the oak chest, however, a gleaming obsidian ring glitters in the corner, under a drift of ancient dust.



What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Beefi creeps down the red pathway in the center of the temple chamber, with the kobold and the halfling close behind him (the others having stopped for a breather in the hall of paintings). Passing row upon row of simple wooden pews, they happen at length upon the altar. Carved of blue stone, the altar sits upon a raised dais and emits a gentle blue glow (far too feeble to provide any illumination to the massive room). Also atop the dais is a wooden chair, a small black iron table (upon which stand two empty brass candelabras) and two bulky ceramic urns, each roughly as large as the kobold. The scent of lavender is even stronger here, but there's no clear sign of where it's coming from.

Underneath the nauseatingly strong perfume, Sam detects the all-too-familiar stink of charred meat — somewhere to the southwest, not far.

"This place seems perfectly safe", Murray sneers. "Go put something on the altar, why don't you? Maybe you'll get a blessing."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Slim wanders off toward the source of the savory meat smell, only to find it quite inedible. A scorched and blasted corpse is sprawled on the otherwise spotless marble floor a few feet from the south wall. Some source of immense heat had cooked this poor unfortunate in their armor. The body is roughly humanoid, though the heap of blackened meat is much too well-done to make any kind of easy judgment regarding a specific species. None of the flame-broiled equipment looks as though it would have been worth much even if it had not been subject to an attempted cremation.

The body is sprawled out facing the west wall, the right forearm extended in that direction. In the southwest corner stands yet another mist-shrouded archway, this one issuing plumes of bright orange fog rather than the white vapors of the other arches.

Beefi drops the ring on the altar, but nothing seems to happen as a result. A few feet behind him, Sam's new pet skull is just barely suppressing a fit of the giggles.

"Well, that didn't work. Try using some other things in your inventory. Like the halfling, for example."

There's nowhere I can't reach.