[DnD] Crusader (GFF D&D Adventure 2)

Argumentus hauls the cleric out of the pit, ruby in hand.

Bob breaks out of his fugue and investigates the other chambers. Seeing an opportunity for hassle-free looting, he uses his mage hand to yank on the chain. Finding it well-secured, he carefully ties up the sentry dogs to prevent their interference and then pops open the chest.

It's full of rocks.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Bob painstakingly removes each individual rock in search of hidden treasures. Rock, rock, another rock, little rock, rock, big rock, moldy rock, round rock, broken rock, rock, rock, rock... ooh, a magic wand of fireballs!

No, wait. It's just another rock. All rocks. All the way down.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Bob plumbs deeper, yea, beneath the chest. Surely some glittering prize must be afoot. And behold! A shimmering, shining gleam! The telltale sparkle of precious lucre! At last! Bob holds his reward up to the light to examine it clearly for the fine and fabulous thing it must surely be.

It's a rock.

Oh well, better than nothing.

Bob then tosses one of the heavier rocks into the room with the locked chest, hoping to trigger any traps from a safe distance. Nothing untoward occurs. The floor of the room, at least, is safe.

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"OH. YES. THE. KEYSTONE. JUST. SLIP. IT. UNDER. THE. DOOR. AND. I. WILL. LEAVE. YOU. ALONE. OH. KEYSTONE. THE. WONDERFUL. TIMES. WE. WILL. HAVE. HOW. I'VE. MISSED. YOU."

The snake's metal tongue rattles around in its mouth unpleasantly.

Brigid's surges -3, HP +23

Argumentus investigates the locked chest. It has, in contravention of all expectations, remained totally and utterly locked since the last time somebody looked at it. In additions to all the heavy chains and padlocks, the entire box is coated with an airtight resin seal. Whatever might be in there, somebody wanted very much to keep it from getting out.

Gabriel wanders around abusing statues for no obvious reason.

I was speaking idiomatically.

"HOW. SHOULD. I. KNOW. I. MENTIONED. ALREADY. THAT. I. CAN'T. LEAVE. THIS. CRUMMY. LITTLE. ROOM. THERE. IS. PROBABLY. SOME. BORING. WIZARD. JUNK. BACK. THERE. IT'S. NOT. REALLY. MY. BUSINESS."

Argumentus releases the wonderful surprise hidden away inside the box. The surprise is poisonous gas. The box is otherwise empty.

17 damage to Argumentus

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

"I. HAVEN'T. SEEN. ANYBODY. ELSE. AIN'T. NOBODY. HERE. BUT. US. HOMUNCULI. JUST. TOSS. THE. RUBY. IN. AND. WE'LL. CALL. IT. EVEN. I. WILL. NOT. BOTHER. YOU. AS. I. WILL. BE. BUSY. GETTING. MY. GROOVE. ON. RUBY. STYLE."

The snake makes that discomfiting rattling noise with its tongue again.

"I. GIVE. YOU. MY. SOLEMN. VOW. AS. A. GIANT. ROBOT. SNAKE. TRUST. ME."

FELIPE NO

BONK

"THIS. IS. NOT. A. RUBY. BUT. I. AM. NOT. OPPOSED. TO. BETWEEN. MEAL. SNACKING."

CRUNCH, CRUNCH

"OM. NOM. NOM. OM. NOM."

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Bob gradually maneuvers the ruby into the snake's chamber, keeping a safe distance away. As the ruby enters the cobra's effective range, the snake darts forward and snaps it out of the air, retreating to a corner with its prize. Slapping the far wall with its tail, the snake knocks ajar a previously-secret door.

"CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH. MMM. IT. TASTES. SO. SWEET. RUBIES. ARE MY FAVORITE."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The secret door opens on what seems to be the late Finagill's library and workshop. A hulking desk strewn with tomes and scrolls dominates the center of the room, and bookshelves stand all along the northern wall. In the room's southwest corner stands an ornate mirror, and a table in the southeast is covered with various flasks, powders and pestles. A heavy workbench stands in the northeast, but it is bare. An ordinary wooden door (painted in stony colours for presumably aesthetic reasons) leads south, and hangs slightly ajar.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It seems that Finagill failed to equip his work area and study with any deadly traps at all! How sloppy.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Try as he might, Argumentus cannot locate even a single lever. He roots through the room in search of valuables, but most of the objects here are well beyond his capacity to appraise. He does find an intriguing ceramic sphere on the alchemist's bench; it's clearly labeled "DANGEROUS: DO NOT TOUCH" but such a weak attempt at theft prevention is no match for Argumentus' quick hands.

Motsognir fiddles with the mirror. He may think there is something to it, but in fact it is just an ordinary mirror. He rifles through the notes on Finagill's desk, but they are mostly absent-minded doodles of monsters both absurd and impractical: "dog that can teleport", "house that eats you", "mushroom that screams real loud". There is a thin book labeled "Contracts" but all but the first few pages are wine-stained and unreadable. Still, it seems that Finagill kept most of his finished contract work in "the vault". How helpful. All the rest of the papers are nothing but jargon and industry talk. It seems to Motosognir that he used to know a little more about wizardly matters, but all that time on the pommel horse must have jogged it right out of his head.

Bob finds himself in a would-be paradise of learning, but for all the information available very little of it is comprehensible to someone of his somewhat-modest talents. Still, a careful search does turn up a simple ritual book ("Wizard's Curtain") and a few component pouches (20 GP Alchemical Reagents).

Gabriel wanders about threatening inanimate objects again. It's good that he has a hobby.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Realizing she's been left behind, Brigid pulls a bunch of levers for no apparent in-character reason and hurries to catch up.

Gabriel (excitedly poking at the mirror with great fury) abruptly jams his hand through the now-functional portal, smacking his hand painfully into something on the other side.

I was speaking idiomatically.

The door leads to a tiny closet stacked with more tomes regarding ridiculously obscure matters.

The Uses of Alum in the Construction of Helms; and its Role in Repelling Mind-Control

Expedition To The Barrier Peaks

Bibor Fezwig and the Automated Confectionery System

1001 Uses for an Owlbear Pelt

The Halfwit's Guide to Enchantment Transference

How The Lich Hath Stolen The High Solstice Festival Away

Fezwig's Believe It Or Don't

Do Not Open This Book, There Is a Bomb Inside

Nanzi Drow and the Mystery of the Demonweb Pits

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Bob and Argumentus both pick up some intriguing volumes for later reading.

Gabriel jams his head through the mirror, coming within scant inches of smashing his face directly into a shelf. The little shelf is the only feature of the tiny room on the other side of the portal: it contains three little potion bottles, an iron strongbox, and (on the top shelf) a silver broadsword.

FELIPE NO

Argumentus searches but doesn't see anything obviously amiss with the sword or the strongbox.

The potions, conveniently, are all clearly labeled: Two potions of healing and a potion of mimicry.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Argumentus smashes the hell out of the little iron box containing a dead old man's remaining savings (after pilfering his medicine). The box contains 150 GP and a sizable amethyst.

After swiping a potion for himself, Gabriel examines the sword. It appears to be exactly as Lord Broden described it. A fine-looking weapon, surely.



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Bob examines the vault behind the mirror suspiciously, checking every nook and cranny of the tiny room for levers or buttons or switches or trap doors. Finding nothing, he resignedly checks the back of the mirror itself for clues. A mysterious inscription is revealed!

"Mfd. 1455 Elegant Reflections
Product of Luskan"

WHAT COULD IT MEAN?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The party gathers up the remaining wealth and pops back out through the mirror. As they exit the wizard's home, they find the route blocked by a troupe of elves, each brandishing a bow. Amongst the five archers towers a fat and bedraggled ogre holding a massive club.

The elven woman in the lead trains her bow on Gabriel, smirking.

"Friend, what do you say we do this the easy way for a change? You put the sword on the ground and walk away. Nobody has to get hurt. I think that would be ideal for everybody, don't you?

Of course, if you'd prefer to get hurt, Klaus here will gladly provide his services."

The ogre chuckles unpleasantly. He shakes when he laughs, like a bowl full of jelly.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Gabriel flatly refuses any sort of surrender, preferring to risk his life that he may deliver some shiny blade to a fellow he met just today.

Bob makes an attempt to tilt the odds in his favor. Klaus is, unfortunately, not particularly swayed by a weird voice in his ears asking him to draw distinctions between various tiny people. It is true that elves generally make better eating than dwarves, but Klaus is a practical man and sees no compelling reason to confuse matters.

Diplomacy check failed

The elves let fly, concentrating their fire on Gabriel. Luckily, his heavy armor deflects all but one of the arrows.

11 damage to Gabe

Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers

NEW! Coordinates!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Bob's first move after days away from combat is to use a spell he's never once in his life tried to cast before. To say the least, he doesn't hit anything.

Brigid makes much the same mistake, but does manage to temporarily blind the ogre on its left side and thereby give Gabriel an advantage.

This blindness does not deter the ogre from hitting Gabriel with its greatclub, of course. It's not a weapon highly dependent on accuracy.

9 damage to Gabe

Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre

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Try as he might, Gabriel can't recover immediately from a log in the face. Still, it's just the one log-in-the-face. It's a pretty good day by Gabriel standards.

Gabe's HP +10. Righteous Smite misses. Paladin's Judgment hits ogre for 28 damage. Gabriel's HP +10, again.

Motsognir squeezes out the door to confront the enemy — and immediately decides it would be much better if someone else confronted it. Unfortunately, there is some disagreement on this point.

Commander's Strike — Argumentus' basic attack misses

Faced with a man even huger and dumber than he, Argumentus has no choice but to show him what for. There can only be one.

Sure Strike hits ogre for 12 damage and combos into Shield Slam. Ogre pushed one square west and knocked prone.

With Klaus doing an adequate job of keeping the paladin busy, the archers open fire on Argumentus. The man-mountain's arrow resistance is somewhat less than Gabe's, it seems, and he takes three in the chest. Quite abruptly, Argumentus' world gets all red-tinged and wobbly.

28 damage to Argumentus; bloodied

Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers

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Recognizing the elves as the real threat, Bob unleashes a colorful display of painful burning upon them. Faces are scarred, flesh is melted, and a good time is had by all.

Acid Arrow: 15 damage + ongoing 5 damage to elf R11, 8 damage + ongoing 5 damage to elves S10, S12

Flaming Burst: 8 damage to elves R11, S12. Elf R11 bloodied.

Remaining out of harm's way, Brigid calls on Melora for every boon she can think of.

Party is blessed; Argumentus gains Regeneration 2

Seeing a chance to cement his position as King of the Mongs, the ogre staggers to his feet, moves to Argumentus, and unleashes an angry smash. The fighter's eyes roll back in his head and he tumbles to the ground.

9 damage to Argumentus; unconscious, dying, and buried in six metric tons of status tags

Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre

How ya doing, buddy?

Drawing a warding circle around the doorway, Gabriel saves Argumentus from the icy clutches of death for like the fifth time that week. The whole tunnel-of-light thing is starting to seem a little rote.

Motsognir makes a valiant attack on the ogre, swinging his axe like mad. The ogre seems largely unimpressed. Worse, when Soggy retreats back into the house he gets a club in the back of the head for his trouble.

Bastion of Defense: Miss. All allies gain 5 temporary HP
Warlord's Favor: Miss
Opportunity attack: 15 damage to Motsognir
Inspiring Word: Argumentus' HP +16

Argumentus hauls himself to his feet, nearly as good as new. He books it for the relative safety of the indoors, and gets the same treatment as Motsognir.

Technically standing up and fleeing should require two move actions but I just had the ogre do it so fair is fair =/
Second Wind: HP +11
Opportunity attack: 13 damage to Argumentus

Having found the experience of being doused in flaming acid unpleasant, the elves break up their huddle so as to present a less obvious target. Then they shoot at Gabriel some more, since everyone else is hiding.

3 hits, 32 damage to Gabriel (bloodied)
Elves at O6 and N14 save against ongoing acid

Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

The beefy ogre doesn't seem to be bothered by a little cold.

Ray of Frost: Miss

With Gabriel's apparent decision to hold the chokepoint single-handed, Brigid does her best to keep him in one piece. As an afterthought, she puts a bolt through the ogre's brain. The ogre does not seem much inconvenienced.

Healing Word: Gabriel's HP +11
Hand Crossbow: 3 damage to Ogre

Klaus has no real choice but to try to hit Gabe with a club again. He finds it a trifle monotonous, and initiates a little game to pass the time while he hammers away at the doorframe.

"I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE... SOMETHING THAT STARTS WITH R."

"Is it a rock again, Klaus?" mutters the nearest elf.

Klaus sighs gustily. "Yah."

Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers, Bob, Brigid, Ogre

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Gabriel makes a quick swipe at the ogre before slamming the door shut and throwing the bolt. Now that the entire party is stuck together in a shoddy wooden structure with a single blocked exit, things are going to be all right.

Bolstering Strike: 7 damage to ogre, Gabe gains 2 temp HP
Healing Potion: Gabe gains 10 HP
Please pretend I actually edited the map to show the closed door

Motsognir engages in some light reading. This is a man with his priorities in order.

Argumentus has a secret plan to get the party out of Vietnam their predicament. However, he dares no reveal it lest he embolden his enemies. He hides behind his tiny little shield, waiting for the perfect moment to REDACTED TOP SECRET

Exasperated, the elves draw steel and cluster near the door, trying to batter it down without getting between the ogre and his quarry. Their attempts are somewhat unproductive.

5 acid damage to elf N8, then save succeeded

Bob, Brigid, Ogre, Gabriel, Motsognir, Argumentus, Elf Archers Swordsmen Swordspersons Stabbers

There's nowhere I can't reach.