[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

Gabriel rifles through the debris in the room's corner, steadfastly ignoring the awkward dialogue. The chunks of stone appear to be the broken fragments of a column, tangled up in a mass of metal hinges, joints and blades. Probably quite the dangerous contraption, before something smashed it to bits.

Talks break down between Lilliput and Brobdingnag, and Argumentus resorts to doing what he does best; destroying everything in his way. The rotting doors splinter easily under his charge, and he stumbles into a room scattered with the broken remains of many beds. In the south of the room, short stairs lead down a few feet toward another door. The chamber narrows to the east, then branches to the south and out of sight.

M

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Other than the tattered bunks, there's nothing in the room but dust and silence. Bob peers down the steps at the south doors. Etched into them are the words "Officer's Quarters". There's no sound beyond the doors; if anything is within, it's standing very, very still.

Gabriel rounds the corner on the east end of the room, finding another 40' of empty space with another set of decaying doors at the end. Suddenly the western doors slam shut. Well, they try to. The tattered remnants of wood hanging from the hinges on the western doors slam shut, rather pathetically. The tinny sound of a rusted bell begins to ring, and a great many shuffling footsteps begin to issue from behind the southeast doors. Behind the doors to the Officer's Quarters, the sound of heavy boots move slowly toward the steps.
A raspy voice shouts: "The barracks are under attack! Full alert!"

That can't be good.

Initiative Sequence: Gabriel, Bob, shuffling, boots, Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid

Reminder: Bob is the only current source of light in the otherwise-dark room.

M

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Gabriel responds to the threat of attack by hiding and turning on the lights. Bob, for his part, runs away as far as possible and points loaded weapons at anything that moves.

The shuffling from the southeast grows ever louder, and the door noisily gives way in a chorus of groans. From his new vantage point, Gabriel can't make out what might be coming.

One of the downstairs doors swings out. A leathery corpse stands there, clad in rusting mail and crackling with horrid energies. An arrow abruptly sprouts from the wight's forehead, and it grins a hideous grin.

9 damage

"Artillery" it hisses. "Very well. We can play it that way." Gnarled fingers point to Argumentus, and the strong man doubles over in pain.

6 damage; Argumentus is immobilized (save ends). 25/12

Sequence: Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, ???, Wight

M

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Everybody prepares a bunch of melee attacks against enemies over 30 feet away. Yup.

Argumentus saves against Immobility. Gabriel up, etc

M

I was speaking idiomatically.

Gabriel inches around the corner, curious about the precise nature of The Terror That Shambles Aimlessly. Teeming around the far doorway are 4, 5, 6... a whole lot of zombies, all clad in tattered and filthy blue tabards.

Bob!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Bob fires off another shot, but the wight's ready for it this time and smacks the missile aside. The zombie horde painstakingly shambles its way up the hall. At this rate, they may reach Gabriel in as little as a month. Another wight appears at the back of their ranks, urging them forward.

The wight at the bottom of the stairs tramps his way up, snapping off the arrow in his forehead. He mutters inaudibly and a ripple of energy tears through the room, picking up Argumentus and Brigid and hurling them into the far wall.

Well, Argumentus is actually hurled directly into Bob but we'll overlook that.

Critical hit!
6 damage to Argumentus; 19/12
6 damage to Brigid; 18/8

Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights

FELIPE NO

...and the wight smacks it down with his other hand.

oooh, bad luck.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Having rescinded on his earlier decision to "take on whatever", Motsognir zips away from Gabriel's endangered position at top speed. Skidding to a halt just in front of the menacing wight, he swings a mighty swing. One of those great history-making swings that people will surely talk about for many years to come.

4 damage.

Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Argumentus' hammer smashes into the wight's right shoulder, and the undead monstrosity is disarmed. That is, its arm flies off and tumbles down the stairs.

"Might want to hurry up with the troops, Simons. Things are getting a little out of hand over here."

The other wight shouts something incoherent from down the hall.

"I warned you about that! Let's make phantoms, I said. But no, you wanted to do everything the cheap way. As usual."

12 damage

Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir, Argumentus

How ya doing, buddy?

The wight is pelted first with a sling stone, which snaps off the wight's left ear

5 damage, wight is bloodied

then with a hammer, which flies right past the cursing revenant and tumbles down the stairs.

The wight stares down forlornly at his lost ear. "Simons, I'll be reduced to a sack of bones by the time you get your arse over here. Bring the dustbin with you, yeah?"

Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Ka-blooey!

A wall of fire erupts amidst the zombie horde, smoldering many of them and producing the most godawful stench.

9 damage to Zombies A, C, E, F, G, I and Wight B

The zombies continue to march forward very very slowly.

Sputtering and slapping at his clothes, the wight in the rear of the pack gestures angrily and a wave of force sends Bob stumbling back westward.

6 damage to Bob; 17/5

The other wight flees down the stairs and out of sight, but Motsognir gets in a swing at the wight's retreating back.

5 damage

Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Chasing the fleeing wight, Argumentus hurries down the steps.

The door's still hanging open, but there's no sign of the wight. Frustrated, Argumentus pounds on the door with his fist.

Splat!

"AGH! There goes my nose. Wonderful."

2 damage

Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir, Argumentus

I was speaking idiomatically.

Brigid sends a stone through the eye of the nearest zombie. The flickering light filtering through the hole in the zombie's skull is very pretty, but doesn't seem to bother it much.

3 damage

Gabriel follows Argumentus south down the steps, concocting a plan of no particularly obvious coherence.

Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Bob again blasts the marching undead with his fiery wrath. Unfortunately it's not as effective on the repeat performance; perhaps what remains of the zombies isn't all that flammable.

6 damage to zombies B, C, D, F, G, H, J and Wight B

The zombie horde finally meanders around the corner, massing upon the adventurers who remained nearby. A zombie sporting a lovely new hole in the head grabs Brigid. A second zombie tries to capitalize on this, but his clumsy limbs fail to strike even an immobile foe. A third zombie in the front of the ranks swipes around a corner at Motsognir, but with no more luck.

Brigid grabbed and immobile

The wight at the bottom of the stairs sighs in frustration. "What are you, stupid? Yes, let's chase the undead mage that can fling us around with a wave of his hands."

The wight steps out in front of the doorway, and with a quick gesture he once again throws Argumentus' muscles into spasms of painful immobility.

9 damage; Argumentus 10/12, bloodied and immobile

"Chase me now, you great thickhead."

The zombie-driving wight, having had more than enough of getting torched for the day, stays as far away from Bob as possible. He still sends a bolt of crippling pain flying through the wizard's limbs, however.

6 damage; Bob 11/5, bloodied and immobile

Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights

FELIPE NO

Motsognir takes a desperate swing at the nearest zombie and misses completely. He turns and runs down the stairs, and his target smacks him a good one as he flees.

6 damage to Motsognir; 16/8

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Trying to clear his head, Argumentus puts his back to a wall and waits for the pain to pass.

Argumentus 20/11, mobility restored

Left to fend for herself and unable to escape, Brigid reacts violently to an invasion of her personal space. She raises her holy symbol and a violent wind rises around her, throwing most of the zombies back as though swatted aside by a massive hand.

Zombies A, B, C, E, I take 9 damage, are immobilized, and are pushed back 4 spaces. Zombies A and C bloodied. 4 damage to Zombies D and G. Brigid's mobility restored.

Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid

Most amazing jew boots

Hurtling into the foe like a man possessed, Gabriel swings his axe at the wight's midsection. Caught off guard, the wight is promptly bifurcated. The single arm remaining on its detached torso makes several rude gestures before lying still at last.

CRITICAL HIT! 17 damage; wight killed defeated.

Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Unable to flee and out of ideas, Bob falls back on Good Old Reliable Fire. Soon, surely, his enemies would be Burned Enough.

10 damage to Zombies A, B, E, I, J and Wight
Zombies B, E, I bloodied
Immobility persists

Those few zombies not still dazed by Brigid's divine fury stagger forward to take a swing at her, but to no avail.

Impatient with the slow pace of his troop, the surviving wight rushes ahead. He claws at Brigid with his filthy nails without success.

Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights

Full rotation in only a day, woop woop

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Charging back into the fray, Motsognir harasses the elf into a more reasonable attitude.

Bob 23/4
7 damage to Zombie H

Argumentus charges north as far as he is reasonably able.

Brigid takes a swing at the wight and misses. As she retreats from the melee, a zombie batters her.

10 damage; Brigid 14/8
Zombies recover from immobility

Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid

How ya doing, buddy?

The sight of zombies being lit on fire for the fourth consecutive time is difficult to describe. It beggars description, truly. I assure you that it's very impressive.

10 damage to wight, Zombies F, H & J
All excepting H bloodied
Mobility restored

The zombies continue meandering forward, as zombies do.

Zombie D wanders over and gives Bob a smack upside the head.

8 damage; Bob 15/4

Zombie F hands out a beating to Motsognir.

12 damage; Motsognir 4/8 (bloodied)

Zombie G swings at Argumentus and Zombie H tries to finish off Motsognir, but they both miss.

The wight looks around in confusion, brushing ash from its face. "You bastards, what have you done with Jenkins?" He tries to send Motsognir flying, but the dwarf manages to brace himself.

Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wight

I was speaking idiomatically.

Shaking off the worst of his injuries, Motsognir hacks away at Zombie F. This one, at least, seems close to falling.

10 damage to Zombie F
Motsognir 21/6
Brady

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Argumentus' hammer tears through the zombies like wet paper, reducing everything above their waists to so much dust. Decayed giblets spatter down in a refreshing drizzle.

Critical Hit!
Zombies F & G destroyed.


FELIPE NO

Brigid's sickle slashes open the zombie, leaving a gaping wound for her allies to exploit.

11 damage to Zombie D (bloodied)
Gabriel isn't quite within 5 squares but I'll allow it.

Gabriel, Bob, Zombies, Wights, Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Gabriel roars in fury, and his axe ignites with the holy fire of Kord himself. The wight screams in agony as Kord's rage burns it down to ash.

_4 axe damage
_3 axe damage
_2 STR damage
_2 WIS damage
_2 feat damage
_1 Enhancement damage
+5 radiant vulnerability damage
-------------------------
19 damage, wight destroyed

Adding up numbers is very uplifting

Bob, Zombies, Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The Burnination continues. The Day of Total Burning must surely be at hand.

10 damage to Zombies B, C, J

The eight remaining zombies blunder into the party, flailing away. Between the lot of them, they only get one credible hit. It'd almost be funny if it wasn't so foul-smelling.

10 damage to Motsognir (11/6)

Motsognir, Argumentus, Brigid, Gabriel, Bob, Zombies

There's nowhere I can't reach.