Trying to be happy

So this is the story. I am a very feminine girl and at first look, you won't even think I am lesbian. But I am. My family doesn't know about me, and they think that I am just focused on my studies and work, and I have no time for dating...which in reality is kind of true, but not completely true. I just can't find another person to share my feelings with and I always have that empty room inside my heart. I don't want my family to look at my any different. They are proud of me and love me, and I fear that if they find out, their views of me are going to change along with their feelings.
I am just scared of letting them know, because they might not be proud of me anymore.
When I was 19, I dated this woman that told me was 27, which later turned out that she told me that she was 35,...I still love her because she was my first and I have a strong feeling for her. But, I was scarred though, and I know I won't have her back. To think that I would be happy with a person that took my virginity away from me. I am sad at myself that I still want to be with her and she doesn't care for me anymore. I just don't know whether to stop and find someone else, or stop all this and make my parents proud and live a normal life. I ask God why he made me this way, and no one is there to answer me at nights.
I am sorry, I just wanted to let things out of my heart. Thank u

Jam it back in, in the dark.