Opinions on a shitty situation needed! Apply Here!

I was recently embroiled in a love triangle with a girl who was feeling some of the same things as your ex-girlfriend. She had been in a long-distance relationship with this guy for several years, until he got his release from the Marines. She then moved out to Colorado and shared an apartment.

Things were fine for a while, but as Philia mentioned, complacency reared its ugly head. I am not going to say she was innocent, as I think both of them failed to communicate their needs well, but he too became obsessed with online gaming, particularly Second Life, for quite a while. She felt neglected because he'd come home from work, head right for the computer and stay there for hours. At one point, she discovered that he was having an online romance with another player; their characters were married and everything.

They tried to work through it; he gave up Second Life and she did what she could to let him know what she needed in the relationship so he couldn't claim ignorance. He thought things were fine. But her stress was also mounting. She was working two jobs, one in which her coworkers did not appreciate her and the other which dealt with many rude customers. She missed her friends and had nobody other than her boyfriend for companionship, as she was new to the area.

This past January, things came to a head. She told him she needed space, just like your girlfriend, and that the relationship was over for the time being. But she really had nowhere else to go, nor could she kick him out as she couldn't afford the lease and utilities on her own. So they remained roommates and were occasionally friends with benefits.

She decided that she'd give him several months to improve himself and make a concerted effort to be better to her, which he actually did. He took her out, did her housework without being asked, bought or made her small gifts, talked to her a lot more, the works. But he'd failed her before and she wasn't so quick to forget. She planned a trip to Pennsylvania to visit a longtime friend, vent a little, and just get away from being confined in Colorado. During this trip, she'd make her decision whether to stay with the guy or move out.

What he didn't know was that she was already being pursued by two other men: myself and another from Ohio, the latter whom she knew only from online conversations. She found herself getting the attention she craved from us and slowly came to a foregone conclusion that she'd definitely be leaving her ex-boyfriend for good. By February, she had fallen in love with the guy from Ohio and was engaged in some very heavy e-sex with him. She kept this a secret from everyone, including me. This relationship was kept on the sly for nearly four months.

Last week, the dam broke. She told me I had no chance with her, and told her ex-boyfriend that she loved another man. Despite all he'd done to prove himself, he'd failed. She is currently on her flight to Pennsylvania, as I speak, where the guy from Ohio is picking her up at the airport, then taking her back to his hotel so that they can "get to know each other" in person.

My point here is that having seen this kind of situation unfold before me over the past few months, I'm inclined to say that you should keep one eye looking elsewhere for alternative possibilities. Right now, she's saying it's not actually over, but she may also be afraid to shatter you with the news that it is. This is why I was kept in the dark for so long; she knew I'd be disappointed and, as a friend, didn't want to hurt me. It's a cop-out but that's her stance.

I'm also not saying that your ex-girlfriend is seeing someone else without your knowledge but it's an outside possibility. She could be interested in somebody and wants to be available enough to explore that possibility further. What you did with the video games is exactly what my friend's ex-boyfriend did, and she never quite forgave him for it.

So my best advice is to brace yourself for impact. She's asked for space and this required you physically departing. Emotionally, you could've just detached and been roomies until she felt better. Instead, she wanted your physical presence gone as well. Traditionally, that's not an encouraging sign.

It's noble of you to want to improve yourself for her sake, but I'd advise against going too far or spending too much money on it. If she wants you back, it won't be because you bought the passport or got nice new shoes, or whatever. She's the one with the real problem, not you. Your solution is easy: stop playing video games so damned much.

Technically, you're no longer attached to this girl. I know you've got feelings for her but you've also been forcibly pushed out of her life using a bunch of excuses that excuse her from any true blame. Fact is, if her knee-jerk reaction to being overloaded is getting rid of you, then she's probably just not that into the relationship anymore. Start browsing around. Maybe you can find better.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by FannKiba

then isn't it good that she is trying to figure out her problems?

By your depiction of events, she's already figured out her problem.

You.

Consider your eviction the warning shot. If you stick around, the next bullet will penetrate flesh.

There's nowhere I can't reach.