How do you tip?

I'm a rather stern customer. If you don't seem to be overly interested in doing your job, you're not going to get much out of me. Waiting on the customer is what you're there to do, and I know you have other customers, but they're not really my concern, are they? I don't come into the restaurant seeking excuses to stiff the waitress; do your job and you'll get tipped. But there are some very easy ways to lose a significant portion.

• Make me ask for the same thing several times.
• Make me ask for silverware at any point.
• Refill my coffee and neglect to ask if I will need more creamer.
• Bring back my soda refill with ice even though I specifically asked for no ice.
• Fill an order incorrectly and not promptly resolve the situation.
• Attempt to blame the above error on someone else; it doesn't matter who got it wrong, it's still wrong.
• Return to ask if the meal is satisfactory only after I've consumed 75% or more, the point at which any criticisms are probably moot.
• Pester me about the dessert menu, especially if I've already declined.
• Make me sit around waiting for the check when I'd like to leave.
• Dump off a to-go container without checking to see if I need assistance transferring my food.
• Drop off the check while barely saying a thing, like I suddenly no longer matter.
• Go on your lunch break and fail to inform me who will be covering your duties in the interim.

Most of these errors can be avoided through common sense and courtesy. I'm not asking for perfection, only that my server appear to give a damn. If everything goes well, I'll usually tip a good amount. I don't even follow a mathematical constant. I just look at how much I have on me, weigh it against how much time I and my party occupied your table, and then try to find an amount that seems fair. Most of my dining experiences are in places like Denny's or Chili's, so if I'm leaving a $10 tip, that usually seems quite flattering. If I can afford it, I'll almost always leave something, even if it's the last couple of dollars I have at the time.

Though there have been two occasions where I was so livid with the poor service that I left a single penny. That's the ultimate insult to a waitress - the penny tip.

Jam it back in, in the dark.