Friend advice

I actually understand this situation. A close friend of mine suffered from low self-esteem. He was seeing some cowish, manipulative, ill-mannered, lazy shrew and though she had the capacity to be cool at times, more often, she was an absolute bitch to everyone. Yet my friend thought she was fantastic - because he felt he'd never find any better.

It may not be the case that your friend has similar esteem issues, but the results are identical. We all told Rory that this girl was a drain. She controlled his every moment, wouldn't let him have any fun unless it was something she enjoyed too, and she encouraged his self-deprecating attitude by picking on him constantly. (She also got him hooked on WoW, for which I never, ever forgave her.)

Ever since 2001, my friends and I told Rory to drop her like a scalding rock. He refused. He wouldn't listen to arguments, insisted that we didn't know the "real Beth." What could we do? He believed he was happy, so that's kind of all there was to it. We voiced our sides and had to let him make his own choice.

Rory stuck it out with Beth for another six years(!). Last November, he finally decided enough abuse was enough and kicked her out of his apartment. It took long enough but the circumstances did force him to ultimately grow a set of balls and find some dignity. Ever since, he's felt worlds better about himself and is no longer accepting barrel-scrapings when it comes to women.

Like it or not, your friend might have to learn a hard lesson. People who get burned rarely make the same mistake twice. Help her up when she needs the assistance. Until then, keep on the sidelines with a first-aid kit handy.

Jam it back in, in the dark.