If you had a friend that woke up from a 20 year coma, what first would you tell them?

I'd definitely tell him to go back to sleep. Assuming he can't just drop back into a coma at will, though, I'd have to introduce him to laptops, portable entertainment devices, and cellular phones first. Once his mind has been completely annihilated by the possibilities of instant communication always at your fingertips, as well as free porn-on-demand, I'll ask him if he wants to give me any collectors items and/or stocks he owned from back then, and sell them and become filthy rich, Blast from the Past style.

I'd also have to be very careful to point out that almost nobody who dresses like a hooker actually is one, so as to save him embarrassment, but I'd point that out after a few encounters conveniently captured on my digital camcorder.

Also, Mario. He's "three-dimensional" now. The guy would either wet himself with joy or claw his eyeballs out.

How ya doing, buddy?