GFF Literary Workshop: Week 5

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by this piece. It's difficult to pull off the non-linear effectively, but going into it with the fact in mind that what's presented isn't ALL of it, I was able to accept the disconnected feeling of it all, and fill in the blanks myself with what was presented after.

Your writing conveyed a great deal of emotion, though I'm not sure if what was conveyed to me was what you meant to convey. I saw a lot of what I call "prickly numbness" - the constant enigmatic state of mind where you can't be sure if you feel happiness, guilt, pain, or anything at all. Hopefully that's what you meant to get across. If not, still, kudos on conveying that much emotion. Your environments, too, were excellent in enhancing the atmosphere of the story - they worked very well.

Other than a few disjointed, awkwardly worded passages, I feel this has been one of the strongest pieces that have come through here so far. I would recommend reading a handbook on writing and style. If this was revised with proper punctuation and grammar, I'd have no complaints.

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