Male and Female Sociology

In some situations, I like to just go up and ask flat-out what makes a man attractive to them. As Sass said, women love talking about themselves, and if you can ask without coming off like you're only asking cause you wanna figure out the best way to get in their pants... they'll probably tell you.

But, I also see no reason to socialize with malicious girls. If she's an attitude, leave her alone. If not, the best thing you can do is be interesting. Unique. Find something that sets you apart from the rest of the male population and run with it. Don't shove it in her face or talk to her every day, just enjoy who you are. Again, like Sass said, brush up on your social skills.

Granted, not all advice is foolproof. There'll be women, maybe even these women, who like something else entirely. Maybe they like jerks or badasses. Maybe they like super-sweet nice guys. But I'll tell you this much, no person, male or female, is worth changing your SELF for. That doesn't mean you can't learn how to be more confident or assertive, that doesn't diminish your SELF at all.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Sass's comments made me think of a few things that could add some different facets to this discussion.

A lot of people seem to think that when guys get angry or upset when rejected, it's because they want a woman to feel something she doesn't feel. I've found that it's easy to accept if she truly doesn't feel it, but when it seems like she does, or has in the past, and is just refusing it now, that's what's aggravating. We all know attraction isn't a choice, but it is a choice to grab onto the "sparks" of attraction when they're made, or not. And when a woman doesn't, for seemingly no good reason, that is what upsets a guy - because he saw something worthwhile in that, and she didn't. This can be especially frustrating if she is always saying what a great guy he is. I've even had a girl tell me I met all the criteria for her "perfect guy" ... and admit that attraction had sparked once or twice, but that she just didn't want to grab hold.

I personally have my own ideas as to why all this is... but I thought I'd get some other opinions as well, and try to add another angle to the discussion.

EDIT: Guest, I am (or was) very similar to what you just described. Girls have always told me I was a "good listener" and that it seemed I really communicated with them and really understood. But that never got me anywhere. Now I've learned how to balance listening with assertion, so that I'm not just their personal diary, and it's changed some things. For one... well, like I said, I'm not their diary. So they don't think of me JUST as someone they run to with all their problems.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Oh, I myself understand that. I was just saying, this is the subtle difference between guys getting upset that a girl won't force herself to be attracted to him, and guys getting upset that there WAS a spark but she said "oh... well, nevermind." And yeah, when it's gone, it's gone. Maybe someday later you can recreate it, but no dice for the here and now.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.