Dealing With Depression

Although your stance on anti-depression medication is understandable given that you've seen it have little to no effect on your mother and brother, I'm a little surprised that you would write it off as worthless, Crash. Like Crunchy said, it's hard to pick yourself up once you've reached the point of pretty much giving up. Just because you managed it doesn't mean everyone can, and you shouldn't expect everyone to be that strong. Some people need a crutch to lean on for a bit before they can pick themselves up, and there's nothing wrong with that.

That being said, I agree whole-heartedly with everything else Crash just said. No amount of pills or therapy are going to do a damn thing unless you're ready to work towards a change. In fact, it might make you even more depressed in the long-term if you think all you need are pills/therapy and those fail. You need to be ready to accept your past failures as well as the harsh realities facing you in order to move forward.

In Angel of Light's case, I don't buy it that you've been flat-out depressed since you were 13. I'm sure there were various reasons that came and went over the years that left you with little break in between that made it seem like one big streak of depression, but identifying those factors is the key to getting out of it. Honestly, it sounds to me like you're on the right track. I'd only recommend meds to someone who's contemplating suicide and you don't seem to be anywhere near that point. Therapy might not be a bad idea if only to get you thinking about ways to improve your situation, but since your current issue is saving money I'd only do that if your job provides for a few sessions in your health plan. It's painful waiting for that undetermined date in the future when everything will be peachy, but sometimes that's the only thing that can be done.

What you should do is find a way to have your fiance move up there or at least find some way for you to see her more than every couple of months. I'm sure that would vastly improve your outlook on things. You should be more worried if you weren't horribly depressed about leaving your fiance behind for months at a time.

Jam it back in, in the dark.