Gaps. Holes.

I'm missing gaps of time from unfortunate experiences in childhood that I learned about later, and most of adolescence has been reduced to memory of objects or smells or short "scenes" that made some sort of impression. I can't remember when things happened or in what order, or often who did what. My memories are unreliable (I clearly remember people I never met, and forget people that I did.) Sometimes I confuse my history with my sisters or mothers, not intentionally but, methinks, because I empathize intensely. Sometimes it is hard to answer questions from people because the memories just aren't there and few would believe that. But that is off the subject.

The gaps aren't something I want to fill. It seems that it would hurt too much, and wouldn't give me anything to remember.

Jam it back in, in the dark.