Death visiting your life

Why would they be angry Miki? I wouldn't be.


My Dad died in the front seat of our car when I was little. A drunk driver crashed into us as we were going on to a bridge. That was hard because my Mum had to leave for another state to stay with my brother in the hospital, so she sent me to live for about a year with relatives that I didn't know very well. It was like losing both of them. I'm not sure how I dealt with it, I was pretty young and expected to not be so "grumpy." About that time I started pretending like I didn't have heavy emotions and never got upset. (Yeah, right. People bought it though.) It lasted until my mid-teens, when I got a stepdad and he knew it was all bs. He made me deal with a lot of crap that I'd carried around for years and years, it was hard but I slowly came alive again. Mostly it was just someone telling me that yes, I had a right to be angry and sad over it and that was okay. It's kind of pathetic, but I guess I needed that permission. Most of my younger life was trying to not cause problems for my Mum, so talking about my Dad with anyone was out of the question, weirdly enough my stepdad was the first person who actually wanted me to talk about it.

Eventually that wound healed, though it still makes me sad to think about it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.