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 Member 12225 Level 26.09 Sep 2006 
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I don't know. I didn't really think up anything to contructive to say about it. But I think it's a good story so far. It definitely has potential.
I did notice that the section of dialogue between him and his uncle seemed a little awkward word wise. Maybe read it through a couple times, and see if you can't replace some words here and there to smooth out the readability. Jam it back in, in the dark. |
Smelnick