Abusive Relationships

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Mental abuse is just a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. Calling people BAD NAMES. I mean, come on. Get over it. Consider the SOURCE, here.

Mental and emotional abuse is sometimes a lot more insidious than that. I've been in a relationships which I'd have to describe as mutually abusive. It was all emotional abuse, nothing physical. I'd never stoop to that level, and neither would she. The thing about it is that for quite a while there, the two of us were very much in love, but neither of us were in any way ready for a serious relationship.

I know I never intended to hurt her feelings, and I'm pretty sure she never intended to hurt mine, but we were just so intensely bad for each other. I mean, I was poison to her, and she was poison to me. We were together for about a year. The first six months or so were some of the best times in my life. The last six months were pure, unmitigated hell.

We must have discussed breaking up about 3 times a month, but whenever it was me who inititiated that talk, she'd always insist that we could make it work, and if she intitiated it, then the roles would be reversed. Finally, There came this one night when things were coming to a head, and she was really pushing my buttons. Eventually, I snapped and said that it really wasn't going to work out. I told her I was sick of the games that both of us were playing, and she went through the usual routine of imploring me to reconsider. This time, I wouldn't be moved. It was just too late.

The next day, I was horrified, and begged and pleaded with her to take me back. She told me that she'd realised that I was right. It wasn't a healthy relationship. We tried to give things another try, a couple of months later, but it was just too easy to fall back into the same old patterns.

We both had major emotional problems, and rather than deal with them, we would each use them as a knife to stab at the other. In my case, I can only say that it's because I never really believed she loved me. If I had to guess, I'd say that the same was true in her case. It was fucked up.

I don't guess that you'll really understand why we put up with it for so long, Sass, but its complicated. I'm through that phase in my life now. I've decided not to seek another relationship, because I just can't face the prospect of being in another one like that. It's just easier to be on my own.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I never said it wasn't. I made it very clear that I understand that people have a hard time, Devo. I am saying that eventually, these people will wake up, have enough, and decide to make their own decisions. Be the boss, essentially.

Yeah, I'd have to agree. You can only fool yourself for so long. One day, the same old shit will start happening again, just like it always does, and the person who is the target of the abuse will just realise that life's too short to deal with this crap, no matter how much they think they love that person. Been there. Done that.

Originally Posted by Russ

That's stupid. Why don't you just be the bigger person, remove yourself from the situation, and save yourself some frustration and RAGE.

Oh come on... I'm pretty sure that Sass actually enjoys RAGE. Why would she want to save herself from that?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Devo

Or they end up dead. Been there. Done that. Oh wait.

Dead? I must lead a really sheltered existance. I can't say that I realised people were ending up dead as a result of domestic violence... I know some people get pretty badly hurt as a result of it, but that's often when the "wake-up call" hits them, isn't it? Of course, I was speaking primarily of emotional abuse, which is the only kind I have any real experience of.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by ava lilly

are you kidding me? domestic violence is pretty much the most dangerous type of situation that the police have to deal with. I assume it's because of the extreme likelyhood that someone's going to end up dead if things aren't dealt with in the best way possible.

Nope, I'm really not kidding. I kinda figured most people got out of an abusive relationship when bones started getting broken, for example. I've no direct experience of physical abuse within a relationship, and the only cases I have second-hand knowledge of haven't escalated to quite that point.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?