NSFW - Serious sex discussion

Originally Posted by Philia

How do you come across the idea of sex and when?

Hell, I can't remember any certain incident. I did a lot of reading when I was younger and probably came across the specifics in a book somewhere or other. Later I discovered the Internet.

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If you could talk to your parents about sex in general, would you?

Define "In General". I'm sure we've occasionally had the general discussions about "if you have a kid before you get your college degree your life is probably fucked" and "STDs are bad blah blah" talks, but a true detailed discussion? I fail to see the point. At this point in time, I'm 20, I'm quite aware of everything I do, and responsible for the consequences.[quote]

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Why is it our own family so DAMN shy when it comes to sex discussions compared to our stupid friends?

Wrong question. Why are we so shy when it comes to sex discussions with family compared to friends? Answer: Probably because you're not afraid your friends will be dissapointed in you. I think the American system of "morality" where it's OK to show people getting dismembered and blown apart but ZOMG ITS A NIPPLE HIDE TEH KIDS is bullshit.

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Do you take your friends' experiences at sex with a grain of salt? Or do you let it influence your decisions about sex in general later in your own relationships?

Most of my friends are single and most of their sex lives don't exist at the moment (although most of them have lost their virginity at one point or the other). If any one of them started hugely bragging of course I'd be suspicious, but for the most part, we don't go around bragging or exaggerating that much to each other.

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Is your religion a HUGE reason why sex part of the discussion between you and your bf/gf is so prohibited? Or is it the opposite? xD I kept imagining that prudes are outrageous nymphos after they discover pleasure after their sexual awakening...

Prohibited? It's not something we bring up every day, but it's far from prohibited. As far as religion.....I'm atheist and she's generic-brand christian.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

What, you've never heard of fingering? Of course female masturbation is possible.

Personally, I don't see the big issue. People have different sex drives and some people require it more often than others. Part of this in a relationship is comprimise - obviously, one person will probably be having sex less than they want and one may be having it more often than they'd otherwise desire, but relationships are all about comprimising so that both people are OK with it. If one person wants to masturbate, then I fail to see the issue as long as it doesn't replace contact with the other person, only supplements that which is already there.

This is especially true given the fact that after getting married most womens' sex drives plummet very rapidly to zero, whereas men are horny bastards until the day they die. Something's got to give here.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Philia

Perhaps it'll help if I rephrase the question whether or not if religion influences your sexual preferences (and I don't mean hetro/gay preferences alone) but rather CULTURE around you. Religion is often a bit more like culture that your own family had taught you since you were small.

Culture obviously goes in both directions. Both sides of my family are Catholic, so the whole "no sex until marriage" thing comes in there (which is part of the reason I don't discuss any of this stuff with my mother, even though I'm sure she's quite aware of everything I do, even if she doesn't know specifics)

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I find it hard to believe that atheists don't have any sort of restraint upon sex other than general preferences of their opposites themselves. Does having no sort of basis of faith pushes you to HAVE sex immediately? o.O' That's what I mean.

There's literally no restraint. Nothing forbidding it, and nothing pushing for it other than the fact that humans are inherently horny. The thing that would make people wait is respect for other people and probably the desire to get to know someone before you have sex (which is obviously not true of everyone but certainly is in some instances). With my current girlfriend, we certainly made out quite a bit, but we never truly "had sex" until six months into the relationship. By that time, neither one of us really felt pressured or unsure of feelings or anything of the sort. Obviously, plenty of people get into things much quicker in a relationship, and some wait even longer. It all depends on the people themselves and whatever they feel comfortable with - there's no universal answer.

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I guess I'm going for the detail of WHAT drove you to be open about sex in general or rather what didn't prevent you from having sex at all. Is it more of a causal spontaneous kind of thing that you guys just didn't really think about or it was genuine when you love your partner then?

I've seen instances of both.

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Is it possible to have lustful sex when you're in love with this person?

Of course. There's time for passionate lovemaking, and there's time for raw animal sex. Both can occur in loving relationships.

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I know this sounds SO dumb, but I realized its kinda impossible to "make love" when I saw that I'm rather kissing my husband to show that I love him so much but when it comes down to sexual pleasure, its more of indulging into pleasure itself from each other that didn't seem like "love-making" itself... o.o' Maybe I'm not there yet to experience this lol!

What, if it feels good it can't be love? Intimacy (especially kissing) can be both psychologically AND physically rewarding at the same time. There's no rule against that.

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Even so, I realized that in some insane concepts that a person can love this person so much that sex would appear as a dealbreaker because it would possibly tarnish their image of these said beloved people. O.o' Thus avoiding sex altogether for the name of love? o.O' Such oddest thing but I had heard of it...

I don't know about "tarnishing their image of someone", but some people have valid reasons to be concerned. Either they have to overcome their own insecurities about sex or their self-image (both of which are common; I'm as guilty as the next guy) or they're genuinely worried that it could harm the relationship. Once sex is introduced into the relationship, there's always the worry that the feeling could leave the relationship and it could degrade into a purely sexual affair. I'd say that as long as the partners truly have feelings for each other and are willing to invest time this isn't really a concern, but it doesn't stop people from occasionally fearing it.

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But I hope that helps to explain what I'm confused about in regarding "love-making" which is really strange concept to me. If you could, could you help me by explaining it or describing it to me? If too much, you don't have to reply!

I look at lovemaking as more of a drawn-out passionate affair, concentrated more on being close to each other and enjoying the other person's presence than raw sexual gratification.

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Second question, when you truly LOVE this person, how do you display love to this person?

In the context of intimacy or in the context of the relationship in general?

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