Have you/would you stay with someone if they cheated?

Originally Posted by Phoenix X

Cheating is a symptom of one of two things, imo: lack of communication, or a malevolent heart. If someone feels unfulfilled, it's their responsibility to make it known so that they can work together to correct the problem. Running off and boning someone because you're bored is pretty low, I think, and a hella shitty way to make your feelings known. If you're afraid to tell your SO that the sex is getting boring, or that you feel emotionally unfulfilled, you probably shouldn't be with them anyway, since you clearly don't trust them enough...

...Quite frankly, I think all cheaters are dirty rotten scum-sucking weaklings. If sex is that big a concern for you, than take to picking up like-minded folk in bars, and leave those of us who are looking for emotional connections out of it.

...Relationships are different for everyone, and each one is formed with a set of guidelines that are defined by both parties as it develops. If you can't follow the guidelines that you and your partner set, the relationship has no foundation, and will crumble.

Hear hear hear. Well spoken. I agree with you 100%.

Quite frankly, married with kids or not, If someone cheated on me, it would damn near have to be because she got drugged and couldn't control herself or something down those lines, and even in that kind of scenario, I wouldn't forgive her completely! Marriage may be a promise of "for better or for worse", but in my opinion, a relationship in itself is built upon a promise to be with no one else. If one promise is broken, the other doesn't really matter anymore.

I say throw the bitch out or get out yourself. Life is too short to be spent on assholes who cheat on you.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Balcony Heckler

I know it's easy to say "dump him" or "her" whomever cheated, but you never know, cause one instance might take away a lifetime to happiness with what could be your one true love if not thought out rationally. I guess just think before you act is the best response, along with openess and talking

Yeah, and you never know, she might cheat on you again and you might end up killing yourself for a lost cause. You never know. Better be safe than sorry IMO.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

But at least if it happens again you'll rest easy knowing you did everything in your power to make it work by not making any rash decisions. I just can't see throwing away a perfectly great relationship because a person did something that is human nature to do - once. God, you people are insecure.

Yeah, if you love the person, you'll try. But forgiving and forgetting will only make it feel like you're the one who did something wrong. Why should you be the one to work harder when it was your partner that cheated? Cheating is about breaking bonds of trust. Can you ever trust this person again?

Besides, it can't have been a "perfectly great relationship" to begin with if someone cheated. Saying that you're throwing it away is truly exaggarated. Either there is a communications problem or a problem with lack of respect for the other. In my opinion it is the cheater, not the cheated, who throws the relationship away. Who ever agreed to the open relationship, anyway? Break the rules, out you go. At the same time I don't expect my partner to forgive me if I ever cheated (which I won't).

About insecurity: I say it's the insecurity that makes one stay in such a relationship as opposed to leaving it. For instance; Insecurity related to the fear of being alone (of course, this doesn't apply to all cases).

Yeah, and this "human nature" thing your talking about? Bullshit. It's also human nature to kill other people or steal someone's belongings. Would you forgive someone if he/she killed your kids and blamed it on "human nature"?

"I just had this urge and I couldn't help it. Please forgive me, I'm only human"

"Oh, alright. We know you've only done this once and it is human nature after all. Let's be friends". :P

My guess is: No, you wouldn't, because you know that these acts are "wrong". Killing is wrong. But why do you know this? Is that part of human nature as well? Haha, don't make me laugh. No one has these standards from birth. It's all part of socialization. These actions are deemed "wrong" because they cause other people great suffering, be it psychological, physical, economical or social. THAT and because it is most oftenly our human nature that invokes these actions. The very same "human nature" that you claim makes people cheat. I, however, do not think that people who are sane can ever be FORCED into doing something that is "human nature". You ALWAYS have a choice. You can choose to A. Ignore your current partner's feelings and cheat or B. walk away. No "human nature" can take these choices away from you. No one is forcing you to cheat, you choose to do it. The same goes with stealing and killing as well. Why should cheating be an exception?

Personally, I think that if you want to sleep with someone else, break it off with the one you're with first. These are my own ethics and I stand by them. If my partner can't respect that then I'm better off without her.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by SlightlyOddGuy

First, I would never get sexually involved with my girlfriend. At all.

Originally Posted by a lurker

Is this some sort of religious thing?

I don't get it either.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Hydelloon

If you know you are the type of person who gets easily jealous and don't forgive people easily, cheating would effect you more adversely than someone who is more laid back and open minded about sexual experimentation.

Eh? Sexual experimentation? I'm all in for trying different stuff, but I don't get why I should forgive someone who wants to experiment with other people. Your statement has no ground in my book.

Originally Posted by Hydelloon

Alice's final statement about security really struck a chord with me. Security in a relationship and in general doesn't come from other people or other factors but it comes from within. No doubt, cheating is a big deal but it will work to test your tolerance of emotional pain, capacity to change and the willingness to forgive. For those who haven't been cheated on (I'm assuming there are several of you in the thread), just know that until you experience it yourself it is quite a rude awakening. The values you once set for your relationships will change unless you were absolutely secure and confident to begin with.

For the record, I have been cheated on. I have to admit that forgiving is a circumstancial thing. If she would have told me right away and felt sorry about it it would have been one thing, I might have forgiven her, but she kept lying about it and it dragged on for quite a long time before she confessed. By that time, the relationship was already doomed so I decided to break it off. Since then, my values HAVE changed. I WAS a bit naive. Naive to think that it would work out in the end. I was insecure at that time and I kinda felt ashamed to talk about it, like it was my fault.
Luckily, my values have changed and I've gotten a lot stronger. I will not tolerate it if the same thing happens again. As I said before, life is too short to spend on assholes who cheat. If yo want to experiment, don't get into a relationship.

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Originally Posted by Hydelloon

As for sexual experimentation, there are some people I know who prefer multiple partners or open relationships. Not really my thing but theres an alternative to monogamy that isnt being single.

Yeah well, if it's a mutual agreement it isn't cheating.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Zio

I hate to jump back a few pages but Alice does have an good point htouhg.

After being with someone for 10-20 years you may feel sad and so much more but when you have young children or teens. They need both of you to be there for them. Some parents, hell some of my parents friends kept together just cause of kids. They sometimes had sex but they compromise for the sake of thier kids to have both mother and father to be there. Some went even has far as becoming swingers or able to share and etc but the only rule was to be back before a certain time around 10 or so the kids never got wind of it till well they were 18+ or whatever.

Sometimes it's best to stick together through hardships, it shows maturity to me to be able to work out things like this especially for your kids.

I really don't agree with you on this. Breaking a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that you're breaking off with your kids. Even if your parents doesn't have a relationship with eachother, it doesn't mean that they won't be there for their kids. I would rather my mom and dad be separated and happy, than living together and loathing eachother. Kids notice these things. If your parents are not happy, your kids most likely won't be either.

For the record, my parents have been separated for as long as I can remember. And that's ok, because I know they love me, and I know that they are happier this way. I don't know why they broke up in the first place, but I realize they were mature enough to come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work. Ok, they hadn't been together for 10-20 years, but that doesn't really make any difference. It's better this way. They are both there for me, and they are both happy. What more could I possibly ask for?

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Roan

Back on topic though, I'd rather get dumped/or dump someone than get cheated on. But then again so would most of you.

Yeah, that would be the most decent thing to do, in my opinion.

How ya doing, buddy?