[Movie] Star Trek (2009)

This was like watching an anime version of Trek written by teens out of alt.trek.slashfics. I'm surprised there wasn't a furpile with tribbles somewhere.

Absurdly Written Spoilers follow:

"Kirk, you're a genius level genius whose genius levels are off the charts. Genius."

I lost my suspension of disbelieve somewhere in the middle of the Kelvin destructo-sequence and started laughing at the absurdity of the ultra-long, pregnant telcom o' angst and sorrow.

I never got it back through the final wrap-up of "yay Timmy, you and your band of merry heroes have saved the universe from miners, here's our bestest, fastest ship as a prize."

This movie was 14 year old wish fulfillment through and through with almost nothing of the grand vision that has made Trek repeatedly interesting to watch. Nearly every crisis encountered by the characters was solved through improbable means and to cap it off, the final resolution wasn't enabled by their own creative problem solving, but by a deus ex from the future. In fact, the sheer amount of unexplained knowledge running around in this film, most notably centered around omniscient new Spock was unreal. "I haven't even looked at anything you've done, but I know you're right. Lets go."

Quote:

There's a much more personal level to this film, since it's entirely about the people

While I understand why this might be said, I'd argue that almost all of the interaction of the crew was either painted with such huge, overblown strokes that it came off as laughable; involved wacky hijinks more appropriate for scoobs and the gang; or was just an echo of the more heartfelt original cast spoken through catchphrases.

My one redeeming note for the film was that Sulu was repeatedly more of an action hero than any other member of the crew. Gay people kick ass, take names, and are tough as nails.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Scotty: "I found this on Ganyroom... uh, uh, Ganymeer... mede"
Tomar: "What is it?"
Scotty: "It's... uh... it's green."

By Any Other Name

One of the classic "Kirk gets all the chicks" episodes.

If they do take this down the route of sequels, or a new spinoff TV series, my hope is that they at least stick to their own path and not try to do reworks of all the old stuff. "You know, that 'City on the Edge of Forever' ep. was good, but it really needed more 'splosions."

There's nowhere I can't reach.