When you don't inherit your ethnic culture anymore

Ok, I really want to spit out about my confusion of being Chinese. My mom and my dad are both chinese. My grandmother is half-dutch and she speaks dutch to her family, even though they couldnt speak perfectly like native, they have traits of dutch origin. The family of my father originally is a native chinese, they speak mandarin until racism rule my country. Our chinese family names must be changed/localized and we were heavily forbidden to speak our ancestors language.

Now democracy has blowed up my country, chinese are return to speak their language and practicing their culture inheritance. But here I'm confused in the middle of my ethnicity. I neither speak mandarin nor dutch. Most of the third generations from this so-called cultural genocide have lost their cultural inheritance from their ancestor.

I'm confused of what should I associate as time grows. It's kinda hard to make me associate myself to my ancestor culture since I don't grow with them. Well that's true I regularly visit my family on lunar day celebration but it's only limited to that, I dont feel I'm being part of them anymore.

What will you do if you were me? being confused by your ethnicity and nationality and attempt to find what culture you should associate.

Sorry if my explanation is bizarre, I just dont' know what to say of this complicated feeling.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by umma

Associate with the culture you come from! That's *your* culture. If now you can speak your ancestor's language and use your original family name, why wouldn't you?

I'm afraid that in the end I would meet rejection. Just like Ulysses, I dont feel chinese anymore. I will just put it straight.
Thinking myself as the part of my country will face me to racism, even though I state that I'm Indonesian, people will address me Indonesian Chinese.
If I address myself Chinese or Dutch it will be nonsense because I hardly know about their culture.

Well It's not entirely bad thing that I dont have culture to be associated with. I see that I'm more open minded than general third generation who still bounded by their culture heritance. But still...

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Dhsu

On the other side of the coin, I also think it'd be a good experience to get in touch with your Dutch and Chinese roots. Learn to speak the languages if you can, asking your parents for help along the way. That way you don't have to be embarrassed to call yourself Dutch/Chinese-Indonesian.

Forgot to say I have javanese blood too. I have plan to learn them near future, after I'm finishing my class with Japanese, German and French. Dutch will be next, but I will give Chinese lowest priority since it's so damn hard. Thanks for the encouragement.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

reading all of your posts make me glad guys. I deeply thanks for all your advice. At least I know, I'm not the only one who is being confused by this culture things. I'm determined to know the root of my family heritage, be it Chinese or Dutch.

once again, thanks.

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