At an inate level, I am scared of girls.

Sometimes I wake up in the night shouting and all sweaty. These are the wet dreams.

But let's talk about today.

Actually no, let's talk about six weeks and 5 hours ago. Then I was sitting next to the delightful Sarah in EDU282. We were somewhat familiar with each other and this was the most we'd chatted in any lesson. I was into her. I raced for the seat next to her when I arrived in class. Class ended and I sat around because my next class was in the same room. She was going home… except she didn't, she lingered. She just had an extra nothing to say to me and I'm all mentally "well let's just wrap this conversation up" and then she left. 5 minutes later it hit me; why the fuck didn't I ask for her number? I wont see her for 3 weeks and that is a long enough study break to fit in a date what the fuck!

I haven't seen her since at all. I think she dropped out or something, two exams and two full days of class and I haven't seen her. The window is shut. She doesn't have a facebook, her myspace is untouched since 07. It's over. Am cry.

Let's come back to the now, 10 hours ago. We're wrapping up the final hour of EDU282 for the semester. I'm sitting on the same table as Imogen. Imogen is hot. Intimidatingly so. Elle Macpherson is nicknamed 'The Body' because her measurements of 92c-62-89 (36-25-35) are considered perfect. While I haven't had the opportunity or courage to measure Imogen, I imagine she'd record similar figures. Class is wrapping up, we're packing up. "Yeah I'm thinking Tavern" I quietly say to my group. "Yeah I might just meet you there," she replies. Then class ended and there was one final handout to collect and I collected mine and just, just wandered the fuck off. "What the hell Roland! Of course a girl isn't going to just arrive at a bar alone, you have to chat them up the whole way there," is what I told myself as I stared over my beer towards Bush Court.

I finished the beer and thought about food. So I headed to the refectory and in the line to Aroma for a bite to eat. In the line I get chatting to a girl I hadn't ever spoken to but knew from EDU231. Although she's not particularly attractive and we'd never spoken there was always a spunk to her that I'd been inexplicably drawn to. I'm turning on the charm and we got along great. We ate lunch together, albiet with some of her friends but they might as well not have been there. She had to rush back for her 1pm class. And kinda lingered. "So I guess I'll see you sometime…"
"Yeah! I'll see you around" I reply.

In my head a little voice said "Nup that's it. fuck you mate I'm outta here."

I keep telling myself I want a girlfriend or at least a date but it's like my body is resisting it. What the fuck.

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I've always half jokingly suggested that gay men have it much easier because we are much more reasonable, mentally stable and years of conditioning make approaching your own gender easier. But I'm pretty sure if I was gay there would be some kind of physical attraction, I live with three other guys and the desire to jump into one of their muscular arms just isn't there.

Who kows, maybe I'll head down to The Court and see how I go .

How ya doing, buddy?

I should jsut post all my blog entries as forum posts if shit spirals out like this everytime.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.