Nov 18, 2007, 02:16 AM
Local time: Nov 18, 2007, 02:16 PM
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#1 of 7
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Well, I don't know what to comment, really. I've read this piece for about three times already, but I'm just feeling that something is missing.
The writing is good. It illustrates well about this Kaleb person, about his personality, his working, and his attitude, as if I were there, watching and observing him right beside him. Though at first I thought it would be telling about post-war situation ^^
But, for an unknown reason, I don't really get the goal of the story. It tells a good story, yet I don't feel like I have read something; the story seems to lack a hook to catch enough attention and it is not enough to develop a response on the reader. The conflict is present and strong, but fails to give more things to be told, to be thought. Basically, I feel like reading a newspaper article, not a story. I don't what to feel anymore.
But once again, it is worth to be read; this piece is different than anything I've read, though I must agree there are some words which are a bit too 'colourful' to use in the passage.
Jam it back in, in the dark.
Last edited by Ozma; Nov 18, 2007 at 02:18 AM.
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Ozma