Sex and relationships: a practical consideration

Originally Posted by Avalokiteshvara

Basically, I need data on how the dynamic of a relationship changes once you've had sex. I'm fairly certain if you're far enough into the relationship, it doesn't have much effect. Likewise, I have the impression that if you have sex really early on, it muddies things up a bit, and then generally there tend to be issues.

So what I'd really appreciate is, if we could eschew the moral arguments for the moment, and stick to concrete examples of how actually having sex changes a relationship, if at all.

Ideally, what I hope to accomplish here is to gain some sort of idea on how first-date sex (for instance) would affect the odds of a successful relationship. I lack my own experience, so I'd like to try drawing vicariously on others.

You can’t really put rules on this type of thing, because if you do it’ll probably blow up in your face and that more than likely will critically change the relationship. The general idea is that you should have sex with someone when you feel a certain sense of comfort and trust with a person. If you’re new to it, it’s probably better you start off slow but make sure you progress somehow. As long as you’re honest with yourself, your partner is as well, and you make damn certain that you’re on the same page, the relationship isn’t likely to change much. Keep in mind though, that you doing everything right on your part is still only 50% of the total equation.

The reason some people can fuck only after a few hours of knowing someone is because of experience/sexual maturity. The more experience you get, the less psychological comfort is needed to perform right sexually. Also, the less likely you are to have unrealistic expectations from doing it. Once again though, keep in mind that only one person doing what they should do is still only 50% of the total equation.

Example 1: I meet a girl. I’m modestly experienced. The girl is totally inexperienced. The girl expects me to “be a man” and guide her sexually but this is an unspoken or out right fabricated expectation. I miss read her and make the assumption that her experience is relatively on par with me. We have sex and it either sucks or is mediocre because she’s expecting too much from me and I’m getting frustrated by her lack of effort, which affects the overall quality of the experience for both. Sex just revealed an imbalance in expectation, spoken or not, which will affect the relationship.

Example 2: I meet a girl. I’m modestly experienced. The girl is way more experienced than I am. My ego gets in the way of better judgment, because I’m digging this chick but I think that my lack of experience to her is going to be a turn off. So I fake it in hopes of being able to overcome that and fuck her brains out. But what really happens is that I just repressed insecurity to point where I no longer let it affect my immediate consciousness. The girl totally can’t pick up on this, because I repressed it so well. So, the girl is expecting me to behave like whatever expectation she has in her mind. We do it, but since you really need to let loose while fucking, my repressed insecurity effects me psychologically which in turn affects my performance. Once again, sex just revealed an imbalance in expectation, spoken or not.

Example 3: A guy is totally experienced and he meets a chick. He’s fucked plenty of chicks, enough to know how to handle insecure and inexperienced ones. The girl is inadequately experienced. Meaning, yea she’s done it with a fair share of guys but it wasn’t all that so she doesn’t know what it’s like to have her brains blasted. The guy enjoys her company enough where he would like a relationship, but he’s been there and done with the whole love conquers all crap already and simply wants to date casually. The girl initially agrees because it sounds good to her. But after getting her brains fucked out, she can’t help but get attached emotionally and call it love because it’s a feeling she never had before. Once again, sex just revealed an imbalance in expectation, spoken or not.

I personally think everybody fucks up pretty bad when they’re new to it. I think some are just more willing to talk about it than others. I know I did anyway. My advice to you would be learn from your mistakes, not to avoid making them.

Jam it back in, in the dark.