I hate people.

first year of college was killer for me. felt like that, too... but it'll get better. just keep an open mind. try to do different things; meet different people that way... that's all it really took for me... stay out of the "alone" shell because all that does is deepen the hole you're in. I spent a lot of time alone in 1st year and it wasn't until i decided that it was a total waste of my time when there are so many people waiting to be met that it got better.

What you also gotta do is stop focusing on the negative and look at the good stuff that's happening. despite the crap that's going on in the world, there's still decency and beauty left and while the news and most classes focus on the bad points of humanity it's up to you to notice the other stuff... then you won't feel so bad.

Really, it's all about twisting your view and changing your focus. nothing's always depressing and icky.

Hope that helps a bit.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Okay here's my reaction to the follow-up stuff you put up:

You can be popular and still lonely. you know that "alone in a crowd" kind of concept? Anyway, like I said, I went through that for my first year. Had great friends could talk to them about anything and whatnot. Still was definitely unfulfilled.

Volunteering. That's great. I do that, too. Again you're focusing on the wrong part of it. What you're doing is helping them. Look at how they react when they finally get what you're teaching them. Do they depend on you? Do these kids LIKE you as a person? Their clinging to you and saying good bye or talking to you about other mundane things says a lot. You should treasure that. That's the great part about doing volunteer work. You aren't getting paid with money to help those who need it most.

As for the relationships thing: focus solely on your own personal standards. You can't please everyone. I've tried doing that and it only put me through many a breakdowns. And yes, not all relationships will work. If the problem is beyond your reach then let it be. No matter how hard you try, it's not up to you to fix it. And not everyone will give you 110% back. In fact, rarely will anyone do that. Sometimes you needn't bother yourself with making the extra effort to make those other people feel extra special. You have to think of yourself more in this case.

We've all been hard-wired to generally focus more on the negative. It's just a matter of taking a step back from that negativity and over-analysing the situation (just like school taught you!!) and that way you can think, 'oh wait, i never saw it like that before... hmm doesn't look as bad as I thought!' Yes you can't escape all the negativity. But that's not the point. It's about rounding your view so you see everything rather than just one side.

hope that helps some...

There's nowhere I can't reach.