[DnD] URBX 8 August, 2536: Gary Indiana

Flopflap looks at the north side of the map because he has nothing that will prevent him from getting his shit dissolved.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

"Seems like there's nothing behind the massive statue except for the statue's massive behind! Ha!"

"I haven't seen such lovingly-sculpted buttocks since I... actually, nevermind."

"Well, I spoke too soon. Looks like there is a passage in the rear of the statue, so to speak. Not one you'd necessarily hurry to enter, of course."

"HoverCam, kindly do not linger. Do not — you are lingering. Just... just look at anything else. Look at the ceiling, HoverCam. HoverCam do not broadcast an instant replay."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Flopflap compares his statuesque ass to the statue's.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Jill was most put out to find this temple was lacking the traditional back passage. Stupid temple designers, couldn't get anything right.

She looked around the room for a suitably large boulder before lifting it with Mr Bear's psycho powers and smashing it into the machinery that was spewing out the noxious fumes. Resorting to violence wasn't the smartest way out of their current predicament but it made her feel much better.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Assist Jill with boulder lifting, and in case no suitable rock is found, suggest the ODST drop pod in which he arrived.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Well, that's one way to deal with it. A little blunt force has demolished the machines, and now there's nothing left but a bunch of scrap metal."

"Nothing? I'd say the holes left behind by the machines' caustic product are something, especially for a squad that seems a little lost on what to do next."

"Holes may help them, Korgar, but a hole is by definition the absence of something. A blank space burned away by acidic residue, leaving behind nothing but emptiness and regrets."

"Just like my marriage!"

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:

I was speaking idiomatically.

After a spot of wilful destruction, Jill was pretty pleased to be presented with an obvious way to proceed. Ever prudent, she grabbed one of the remaining cacti and chucked it into the hole, listening out for either the cries of an impaled beastie or the hiss of a cactus dissolving in acid. With the distinct advantage of being able to fly, she inverted herself and slowly flew into the hole, hoping to get a good view before committing herself to the floor below.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Flopflap grabs the puppy and ties his arm in a knot around it.

CANINE, ASSIST ME.

He lowers the doggy down the hole, his arm elongating and yet not bouncing back, much like an overextended Stretch Armstrong, and is curious if the little fuzzy woofwoof sees anything of note.

FELIPE NO

"Well, that's quite a mess down there."

"At least three dwarves, to say nothing of the weird giant lava ball, the cloud of mist, the altar, the little pond with three giant frogs — "

"These particular varieties of giant frog don't appear in the Official URBX Bestiary, Korgar. We may have some undiscovered species on our hands!"

"The phrase 'undiscovered species' is not one you want to hear during a difficult Xpedition. Who knows what these strange new frogs could do?"

"Hop around, mostly."

"Of course! But in some sinister new fashion! Perhaps they hop backwards, in defiance of logic and reason!"

"Is that a giant chessboard over there? Sure looks like it. Anyway, as long as Jones and Barkley aren't spotted, it hardly matters what the frogs can do."

"Jones and Barkley are accompanied by a big floating floodlight."

"...touché. Still, there is the possibility that the dwarves will stubbornly refuse to look upward. It's been known to happen."

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Keeping to ceiling, Jill did her best attempt at moving stealthily towards the west, hoping there were no more bad guys down that way. With her innate ability to communicate with all creatures, no matter how froggy and weird, she did her best to listen in to see what, if anything the people below were talking about. She kept her finger firmly pressed over Mr Bear's mouth as she went, knowing full well what a noisy bear he could be when he got excited.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll Roll for stealth drops

Waking from her daze, Mamara proceeds towards the hole and upon seeing that more fun times are awaiting below, she drops down as stealthily as she knows how.

Pretty stealthily indeed.

How ya doing, buddy?

After looking around, Cliff gets Flopflap to pull him back up so that he can relate what he has seen. After this, he gets a terribly clever idea and moves to the other hole and gets ready for the inevitable chaos that is about to ensue. If his previous URBX experience taught him anything, it was that one rarely came across other living beings that weren't expressly squadmates and left them living.

Move to south hole in floor in hopes of leaping down on top of foes as soon as combat inevitably begins.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Sven's keen eyes pick out the doge moving to a flanking position, no doubt to betray his comrades at the earliest opportunity. He narrows his eyes even more narrow than they'd previously been narrowed (the narrowing of which had continued to this time) and essentially yells to himself, "not on my watch, puny barking thing! Hahahahaha!" Sven was never very good at volume control.

He approaches the others and moves into a position that allows him to keep an eye on both the traitorous mutt as well as his squadmates.

Move closer. Like maybe two squares south of that southwestern cactus or something in that neighbourhood.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll PREP THE CHAOS DUNK

The dog barks at him. Repeatedly.

As a jellyfish, he understands fuck all of this and just nods his...head...cap...mushroom...thing.

YES. RIGHT. WHATEVER.

The fuzzwoof looks like he's going to do some sort of...leaping. What a quaint idea with stubby legs like that. He'd be lucky to just faceplant and not kill himself.

SIGH.

He picks the dog up with his best rubbery throwing arm.

Pick up Charles Barkley the B-Ball master and READY ACTION: THROW DOG AT DWARVES.



I was speaking idiomatically.

"Seriously, how do the dwarves not see that huge floating light?"

"AAHHHH, MY EYES!"

"WHY DID WE LURK IN ABSOLUTE DARKNESS FOR HOURS THIS WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN."

"THE BRIGHTNESS IS SUFFERING."

"WHOEVER YOU ARE, YOU'RE IN FOR IT ONCE OUR EYES ADJUST!"

"Mystery solved."

"Guess the frogs have nothing to say. What do we have there, some kind of glowy circle thing?"

"Quite glowy indeed. What sort of machinations put a glowy circle thing, as you put it, in the same cave with frogs? What fiendish plotter could have put it all together?"

"Clearly none of the dwarves."

"Clearly. Some sort of little table or something in the back, too. Hard to make out."

"Maybe the frogs are behind all of this. They're awfully quiet. Too quiet."

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Jill had never been fond of dwarves, they smelled bad, had silly beards and all the armour made them difficult to squish. She ignored them and continued her stealthy advance, moderately safe in the knowledge that the rest of the party would make enough noise once they started following her to distract the dwarves.

She flitted towards the glowing circle. Being essentially a magical being herself, she was naturally attracted to magical occurances, like some kind of angry, drunk, violent moth.

Getting as close as she dared without actually touching anything that might suddenly go bang, she attempted to ascertain the nature of the glowing and perhaps more importantly, whether it was worth anything.

FELIPE NO

THROW THE DOG AT THE DWARVES

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

12 Dice Rolls thornitiative

"Jones appears fascinated by the glowy circle thing."

"It's... it's just a summoning circle! You know that! We saw one earlier!"

"And yet nothing appears to have been summoned! Explain that!"

"Maybe it's the opposite end. You stand there and get summoned somewhere else. Dammit, you know my specialty is evocation, stop trying to trip me up on air."

"My mistake! It appears Stingdick has cast Summon Greater Barkley! The game is afoot, and that game is a high-velocity man-dog."

"WHAT FURRY MISCREANT DISRESPECTS MY PERSONAL SPACE?!"

"EXPLAIN YOUR ISSUES AT A RESPECTFUL DISTANCE!"

"I'm a frog and I say we kill him!"

"Hank, you don't have to preface every statement with 'I'm a frog'. People can tell."

13 damage to Dwarf Guard: got dogged on
9 damage to Cliff: dwarves are quite sturdy and unyielding. They do not make good pillows.

Dwarf Guard: HP 43/56, AC 15, Fort 16, Ref 14, Will 15

Dwarf Warriors: HP 28, AC 15, Fort 12, Ref 14, Will 12

Murklord Frog: HP 39, AC 16, Fort 13, Ref 14, Will 13

Sporeback Frog: HP 42, AC 16, Fort 14, Ref 13, Will 12

Thornskin Frog: HP 35, AC 13, Fort 12, Ref 13, Will 11

Sven: You're 5 squares from the hole. Flopflap: 2 squares. The fall isn't far enough to injure when you're not being flung so you can continue a move after dropping down after you like. Hole exits onto either -AS, -74 or -AT, -74.

Flopflap 31, Esperansita 25, Murklord Frog 13, Thornskin Frog 13, Cliff 13, Dwarf Guard 8, Dwarf Warriors 7, Sporeback Frog 6, Sven 6, Jill 4

YouTube Video

Jam it back in, in the dark.

5 Dice Rolls at the space jam, awwwright

Hovercam turns and watches as the dog is majestically rocketed into the hairy man's chest. In the slowest of slow mo, hovercam starts to play back the only song it has that's suitable for this beautiful moment.

YouTube Video

Move: To one spot north of the bottom hole. Don't jump down. Should be (-1)-AV-74 I think.

Flopflap revels in his great cognitive superiority over the plebs below.



The dwarf is suitably weirded out. Before eating major ninja star.

Free: Shroud on Dwarf Guard. Invoke.
Minor: Quarry on Dwarf Guard
Standard: Twin Strike on Dwarf Guard
First attack: Crit. 8 + 5 + 1 + 5 = 19 damage.
Second Attack 14 vs 15: Miss

Edit wait a minute

the dwarf is like an armour meat sandwich

+2 damage to initial crit = 21
+2 to hit and damage on attack two
16 vs 15 hit. 2 + 2 + 5 = 9

Total damage 30


Aw yeah right in the face.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

5 Dice Rolls *Dommage

Even though she's glowing like some kind of biohazard, Mamara acts as though she's still sneaky as a shadow's reflection. That is, until she decides to unleash the bats on the (not so) unsuspecting dwarves.

Wait is the glow getting stronger?

Overcharge Bioluminescence 18 = Success!

Move to AT 74

Swarm of Bats so as to hit all three dwarves:
Dwarf Guard: 18 is a Hit!
Dwarf Warrior AS 73: 5+4+1+3 = 13 vs. 12 fort is a Hit!
Dwarf Warrior AQ 75: 6+4+1+3 = 14 vs. 12 fort also a Hit!

And a healthy 8+4+1 =
13 damage to all, ongoing 5 physical damage


Well if she had a chance that the dwarves were stupid enough not to notice her in all her luminescent glory before, Mamara's certainly got their attention now. It's sooooooo hard being a star!

How ya doing, buddy?

3 Dice Rolls *frog fury

"One of the dwarves has just vanished up into that hole in the ceiling."

"Almost looked like something sucked him in. What's that... noise?"

"They're eating him!"

"Then they're going to eat me!"

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOO— wait, why you? Why not eat me?"

"I'm delicious with butter."

"Stingdick is apparently devouring his enemies whole! This is going to cut way down on disposal fees!"

Dwarven Guard becomes a delicious snack. I'm sort of horrified.

"Can we avoid aiming the HoverCam directly at Mamara? It's just nothing but lens flares."

"It's a shame, the brightness is completely washing out that sweet bat attack. Where did she even get more bats? Did you see her get any more bats?"

"I think she has some kind of bat nest on her body somewhere. I don't want to think about it too hard."

"Well, now I can't see her at all!"

"Is that frog just... taunting Barkley?"

"YOU AIN'T GOT HOPS LIKE THIS, SON."

"Barkley's feelings appear severely hurt. What a nerd."

10 damage to Cliff from frog harassment

Cliff 13, Dwarf Warriors 7, Sporeback Frog 6, Sven 6, Jill 4, Flopflap 31, Esperansita 25, Murklord Frog 13, Thornskin Frog 13

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Only a few seconds into a fight and Cliff has already been thrown at a smelly dwarf and taunted by a smelly frog. Deciding enough is enough, he summons what extra energy he has, and then moves next to the nearest dwarf, growling at it angrily. The growl deepens as Barkley's body morphs into an elongated, scaly form.

Second Wind. This would let someone else heal as well, but no one else has been touched yet.
Move to -XA-73 (i think. right above the dwarf.)
Form of the Swamp Hunter
Mark Dwarf


I was speaking idiomatically.

6 Dice Rolls *oh dear

"He seems angry."

"I don't like him when he's angry."

"All bent out of shape over a little frog-taunting."

"What an incredible sulk."

"Best of luck to you frogs, we're not going to stand around and wait for the World's Angriest Flan to get hungry for dessert."

"Let me just stick a dagger in this lizard's ribs. Principle of the thing."

4 damage to Cliff from puny dwarf shanking. 5 damage to both dwarves from residual bat madness. 50% of bats get bored and wander off. Everything is too far away for Sporeback Frog to harass with his unpleasant licking. How sad.

Sven 6, Jill 4, Flopflap 31, Esperansita 25, Murklord Frog 13, Thornskin Frog 13, Cliff 13, Dwarf Warriors 7, Sporeback Frog 6

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

2 Dice Rolls *BLAM

Sven draws his shotgun as he lumbers toward the holes through which his compatriots descended, anxious to check in on their well-being - he was no longer as worried about the doge as the floating umbrella thing had thrown it across the room. Obviously a keen judge of character.

Sven jumps down and arbitrarily shoots at anything moving he doesn't recognize - his standard M.O.

"You there! Yeah, you! Knock knock! Guess who's there! BULLETS HAHAHAHAHAHA"

Move and jump down to land at -AS -74.

Shoot that dwarf at the bottom right.

16 + 8 + 2 = 26 vs. AC (15)

Damage: 14 + 6 = 20. (this kills it, BTW -Pang)

FELIPE NO

4 Dice Rolls Damage Sporeback

The sounds of combat were distracting Jill from the far more interesting activities of examining the magic swirly thing and looking for treasure. She tried to ignore it but the incessant shooting and shouting was just too much for her to bare.

Turning back towards the group, she expressed her displeasure at whoever was nearest, in this case the two frogs.

"WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET!"

Mr Bear's eyes glowed a sickening shade of scarlet and waves of psychic power emanated from him, boosting Jill's vocal rage into a potent mental blast.

Mind lock on Thornskin Frog, double augment so as to hit Sporeback Frog too.

Jill took in a great lungfull of air for another rebuke. It had been a good twenty minutes since her last cigarette though and the fresh-ish air sent her into a horrific coughing fit. Spluttering away she let out a final cough and blinked out of existence.

Use Alpha Tech

Hit both!

Thornskin takes 16 damage and is slowed and cannot shift until the end of my next turn
Sporeback takes 8 damage and is similarly slowed and un-shiftable

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?