Question about killing an elephant

Originally Posted by Killy

Ok, so that's 1 full clip + an additional 36 shots with my P90.

And then another 3 rounds. I still won't have to use more than 2 clips. Emptying the clip takes less than 10 seconds, reloading takes about 5, and emptying more than half the second clip takes less than 10 seconds too, so if I'm slow - that'll take me about 25-30 seconds tops. How far away is the elephant and how fast is it charging at me?

Obviously they were not using a strong round, an a peashooter like a P90 wouldnt help. It'd have to be one of those old huge ass English rifle rounds. An M60, which shoots a .306 if Im not mistaken, or a .308. That would do the job, send tracers into the fucker.

If I had nothing, Id probably run. They are fast but what else can you do. Unless you go GTA and steal and car and all that jazz.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Jiraiya

Obviously they were not using a strong round, an a peashooter like a P90 wouldnt help. It'd have to be one of those old huge ass English rifle rounds. An M60, which shoots a .306 if Im not mistaken, or a .308. That would do the job, send tracers into the fucker.

If I had nothing, Id probably run. They are fast but what else can you do. Unless you go GTA and steal and car and all that jazz.

.308 to be precise, but you don't understand - the P90 is just used to soften it up! The kick'll take care of the rest.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Just shouryuken it's balls and hope that "it" is a "he".

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

My personal code condemns my killing elephants, so I would simply hide in the nearest rhino, and make an exit later.


I was speaking idiomatically.

I would be very sad, but if it were absolutely necessary, then I would blind the elephant by shooting both it's eyes with the deadly precision of a laser guided gun of some sort. As a result, it will rampage off in random directions, or flinch in pain *cringe* and wouldn't be after me anymore. Animal Control can't take care of the rest.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Theoretically, since we are delving into imbrobabilities, I could use a slingshot to blind it, making it rampage almost randomly. This wouldn't be the ideal modus operandi, but at least I wouldn't be in as much danger. Hopefully, such a tactic would force the beast to run away from me. Since the discussion requires me to solve the problem by killing the elephant, this idea is useless.

If I were in a large city, I might be able to lift a manhole cover, assuming I could open one quickly, and the elephant might trip. Again, this wouldn't kill it, so I'll move on.

If I were near a vet's clinic or hospital I might be able to find some tranquilizing stuff, but the likelihood of using it successfully is slim.

I'll settle on this:

There happens to be a military show in town on the same day the elephant decides to charge at me. As it's charging, I hop in a tank (loaded for a demonstration) without anyone noticing. The crowd and military men notice the rampaging elephant and begin taking action themselves. Then, I fire multiple shots from tank, hoping just to strike the creature once. The animal ends up dead and I end up in serious legal trouble.

FELIPE NO

I'd get Chuck Norris on the fucker. It wouldn't stand a chance.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Just shove your fist up its anus. It might even like it and give you the keys to his apartment.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Run in a zigzag pattern. The elephant will experience lag when it changes direction because of its mass. You, on the other hand, will be able to switch directions much quicker and will be able to outrun it. Hooray!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Has anyone seen thai fighter2?
they killed an elephant in that movie. they also threw an elephant out a window. that'd be my choice. chucking it out a window.

oh wait, my friend has tons of fireworks for july4th. illegal in my state but i'd still use that as arsenal.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Attack weak spots for massive damage

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by kapsi

Attack weak spots for massive damage

Do a barrel roll?

How ya doing, buddy?

I just play video games like normal people.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I'd go fist of the north star on his ass. Pressure point the trunk, and watch the whole damn thing explode in a rain of blood.

If my mad accupressure skills failed, I'd grab the nearest poor sap and and say "He did it! He has your money! He stole your rims! He slept with your wife! He's the one that stole the cookie from the cookie jar! He bitch slapped your momma! It was all him!"

FELIPE NO

I'd head towards the river and try to dodge at the last second while it's rampaging towards me, once it falls into the Hudson River it'll die due to the awesome pollution. I imagine it'll start to dissolve while cursing my name.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I would probably say for me the best way to kill an elephant is get the elephant to follow me by leading him with a trail of peanuts and making him go off a cliff for the last peanut.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The best option is clearly to run straight for it, feint the trunk, footsweep it, and teabag it to death.

How ya doing, buddy?