Would you ever forgive your father if this happened to you?

Today something really messed up happened to one of my best friends. He got in a fight with his dad, and his dad pulled a gun on him and stuck it to his temple. He didn't shoot, but my friend knocked him back and grabbed his keys and ran out the door. My friend's dad chased after him. He gripped up my friend outside the house and my friend hit him in the face as hard as he could twice and knocked him out.

From what he told me, the fight was a long verbal fight that was brewing for a while. My friend's dad isn't abusive, and my friend is 22, and living at home until he graduates college, which he is about to. His dad gives him a hard time sometimes and can be a bit of a jerk over a bunch of useless stuff. Sometimes he comes home drunk from bars.

Anyway, I've like never seen my friend cry in my entire life, and when I talked to him on the phone today he sounded choked up over the whole thing. He said he can't believe his dad would pull a gun on his own son, and he said he'll never talk to his dad again for the rest of his life. I could tell he meant it from talking to him. He said to him he's no longer his dad.

What would you do in this situation? Would you ever talk to your father again? Could you forgive him for ever pulling a gun on you and sticking it to your temple? I, myself am probably on the same boat as my friend. My dad would never ever do that to me, but if he did I'd probably forgive him and never talk to him again.

Crazy stuff, but what would you do?

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Loaded or not, that action could legally be considered threatening to commit murder. That dad should be arrested and prosecuted.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

That's definitely crazy there. I don't know if I could ever talk to my dad again after that, especially since I respect him so much. In reality he would never do that as we don't have any guns and he doesn't have that sort of temper. Hypothetically, I probably would sever all ties to him. The only way I could probably forgive him is if through some sort of therapy or something. Man that is fucked up.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I couldn't believe it. Him and his dad were pretty close too. But I know for a fact that his dad is extremely racist, and has anger issues.

I feel awful for my friend. It's worse than being betrayed by your wife. It's your dad. The man that raised you.

I would've called the police too, but he told me he's not going to for whatever reason. I can't pretend like I know what that's like to happen to me, so I'm not going to pretend I know what he's thinking.

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What a scary thought!!!!!!!!

That is definetely one hell of a traumatizing experience. If I was in your friends position, for a person anger to take control of them so much they would even consider taking the life of their own flesh and blood that they helped bring into the world is slightly disturbing.

I personally care about my dad very much. He is the only person in my family, that truly respects the person I am. Of course we have our arguements from time to time, just like any other father and son. I have suffered his emotional abuse from him being drunk from time to time, but I know he has never meant it.

In your friends position, I would definetely sever all ties with him, because when you even consider taking the life of your own child, you definetely need serious help and because of his actions he lost a son because of it. I think if this bond between father and son can ever be mended, it sounds like his dad is going to need serious help for his actions, and at least apologize for the emotional trauma he has put him through. You truly don't appreciate the things and people that mean the most to you until you actually lose them.

If I was with in your friends position, my ties to my dad would be completely cut off for a quite a while until he admits he has a serious problem, and he truly apologizes for what he has done, but I have to make him understand that the consequences of his negative actions made him lose the respect of his son.

I was speaking idiomatically.

If I were your friend, I would just consider him not my dad anymore, since I dont respect my dad and I dont feel child-dad relationship to him. Yes, I will surely call police and get him arrested.

And I suggest your friend to try consider his dad as another human being, not as "dad". He must have some sort of problem and I dont think he's an adult enough for pulling a gun in childish way to your friend. I mean, humans have language to settle things down, why kill?

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I would lose all respect for my dad. Which means he would no longer really be my father in my eyes. Luckily, I know my dad would never do something as stupid as pull a gun on any of his children. I think in time, if that guys dad came to him (maybe years later lol) and totally apologized and asked for forgiveness, it would be right to forgive him. Maybe his dad is just having a really hard time in his life and this was the climax of that.

FELIPE NO

It's not so much a matter of forgiving the guy, is it? Isn't it more a problem of how to get away from a situation like that as quickly as possible? Maybe it's just me, but a person putting a gun to your head...that's a dealbreaker. I don't care if it's my father or someone I barely know.

Your friend needs to get out of there. Now. His dad is psycho.

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I'm on the same page as all of you guys I would never talk to my dad again. Even if is wasn't loaded I'd never speak to him again.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I hate to bring this up. I am going to get shit for it. But this is all the more reason guns shouldn't just be left casually lying around. People become tempted to use them to one-up someone else.

My reaction would be almost entirely dependent on whether or not my father was on any kind of drugs or anything at the time. People get a little FUCKED IN THE HEAD when they're in an altered state.

If that was the case, because I love my family members, I would sooner have an intervention and get them some serious help to avoid situations like this in the future.

If it was NOT the case, I would probably just have to walk away, turn my back, and cry a lot.

I find it hard for me to deal with giving up on my family members in times of need very quickly. But if someone wasn't in a time of need, and they were COMPLETELY SOBER when they held a gun to my temple, I can't deal with that kind of anger.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I think it depends on one's relationship with their parents. Personally, I'd do the exact same thing your friend did - I'd never see him or speak to him again. I haven't seen my father in fifteen years, though, and I'm not fond of my mother, either.

So although I don't know what it's like to be close with one's parents, I could understand why someone who is would forgive and try to help him.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

That's horrible! No matter what children do or don't do, they don't deserve having a gun pointed at them. Does his father have problems with alcohol? That's the only likely cause I could think of for pulling a gun on his own son.

If I was the son, I would stay faaaaar away from that man. He's dangerous. As some have said, he needs to be reported. Your friend needs to get a restraining order against him. Who knows if he comes after him again and this time pulls the trigger? How horrible!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I don't even like my dad. If he pulled a gun on me and I got away, I'd be like, "AWESOME, I get to send him to jail!" Radical. I think I'd wait until he was at work before having the cops come pick him up.

I was speaking idiomatically.

That's ludicrous! A gun to the head is way too far for any human being to another. I'd definitely get the hell out of there and seek the help of other people. I wouldn't speak with my dad for a very long time, and I would stay safe with other people until I knew for sure that he would receive treatment or is extremely repentant. In my head, I would always try to forgive him and try to understand his reasoning (if any), but I would make sure that I felt safe if I were to ever come close to him again. I'm still unsure if I would sever ties for the rest of my life, since people make mistakes, and that would just be a lot bigger than other mistakes. I mean, if it were to happen repeatedly (twice is more than enough), then I would probably move on.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

The fact that the gun was pulled out was unforgivable. Let's say the gun was never pointed at the son, it's still outragous.
As for what I'd do... I don't have a single clue. Just move out and that's the end of that. But I wouldn't know how to go home and get my stuff after that happened.

FELIPE NO

Moving to the Quiet Place as this is a sensitive issue.

How ya doing, buddy?

I think he is beyond forgivness, at least at this point. He threatend to commit murder. Even if he wanted to forgive him, he should still get out of the situation.

But if it were me, I would never be able to forgive him. I'd probably get over the initial shock of the situation after awhile, but I would still avoid him.

How ya doing, buddy?

Jesus, that's fucked up...

I wouldn't cut him out of my life unless he did it again. But I could never forgive him; our family relationship would be forever tainted, and I would avoid him at all costs. That kind of thing doesn't leave you so easily.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I talked to my friend today. He said his dad left messages on his cell phone telling him to never come back there, he's not his son anymore, and he never wants to talk to him again.

Looks like an apology is out of the question.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Nothing warrants putting a gun to someone's head. His dad is pretty much a psycho. He did beat up his mom one time in the past, but I don't know the full story.

He told me his dad disabled all the cars that he had and my friend used, so he can't travel anywhere.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Quote:

Would you ever forgive your father if this happened to you?

If your relationship with your father gets to the point where one of you pulls a gun on the other, then no, I don't think forgiveness is in the picture. Your friend needs to make other housing arrangements and soon.

edit: Well, looks like I'm beaten to the punch. Has your friend reconcidered calling the police on him? Cuz damn, the man has some issues.

How ya doing, buddy?

In all honesty, If my dad did that to me, Yeah I'd forgive him. I could never hit an adult. Im suprised your friend did that. People are different, but I don't think I'd give a damn honestly.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

By the time you reach the point where your dad is pointing a gun at you, the familial ties are pretty well dissolved. Had the dad not forced the issue, I definitely would have suggested vacating immediately. I'm a horrible spiteful person who would have pressed charges to boot, but breaking all ties is the bare minimum.

Depending on who holds the titles on the cars, there's some criminal charges involved there, too. How exactly did this guy "disable" all the cars?

FELIPE NO

If not for the fact that the guy actually hit back, I would recommend alerting the police as well. However, they would probably want proof and the father would probably try to deny everything unless he's been arrested for a similar offense. Aiming a gun at the temple is a very, very dangerous place and I would definitely not forgive him. However, it seems as though forgiveness isn't an option.

Who holds the title to the cars? He may be able to file a civil suit and avoid the whole "he said, he said" criminal war. I probably would have hauled off and hit the guy as well, but with the stupidity of the legal system chances are he would end up getting charged with a criminal offense along with the father.

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Your friend seriously needs to get the police involved. Cause if this happened to me, I know I sure as hell wouldn't want to go to pick up my stuff from the house without a police escort.

Jam it back in, in the dark.