The Downside of Sex

LeHah, learn to express your opinions civilly, or get banned from the thread.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by pb and spanglish

Thus "casual sex" is a very difficult thing for women. I think it is hard for many women to grasp that men don't necessarily form an emotional attachment this way.

The problem with the whole "casual sex" thing for women, I think, is that we're still brought up to believe that for a woman who isn't a slut to have sex requires an emotional commitment (and of course, no one wants to be a slut). So when something "casual" actually does occur, it seems that there's almost an effort to justify the event with an emotional reason.

That's what I've noticed, anyway. Guys are fine saying that it was completely casual and leaving it at that, girls say things like "well, it was kinda casual, but I really like him!" as if they're ashamed to have done something without an emotional component. Which then makes them start getting attached and obsessed anyway, but kind of under false pretenses: an "I should be attached to this guy because I slept with him" as opposed to "I slept with him, and now I'm emotionally attached because of the sex."

I think it's as equally physically possible for women to have casual sex as it is for men, but societal influence kind of mucks up that tendency by sending a whole lot of mixed signals ("do what you want, just don't be a slut!"). Although it's not just women who get confused, either; I've noticed that sometimes guys who think they're just in it for the physical get completely thrown off (and emotional) when the girl appears to want nothing but the physical as well.

Quote:

I really think a lot of it may depend on your point of reference. I have two very different points of reference--the conservative one with which I grew up, and the not-so-conservative one that is GFF. Having two points of reference has taught me a lot these past six months, I think. Girls having grown up nearer my end of the spectrum, however, are almost guaranteed to suffer emotional scarring as a result of casual sex. As to the other end of the spectrum... I couldn't really say. It sounds like the vast majority of you are saying "no."

There are many downsides to the way I grew up, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Often people fail to see the benefits of a very conservative upbringing. But I think I'm getting off topic.

As for me, having grown up in such an environment, I think it would be absolutely devastating to me to have sex with anyone but my husband. I have been subject to emotional tumult just from casual kissing. It is not because I am dumb or naive... It is because of my point of reference.

There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. Your recognition of the fact that sex is, for you, something that will affect your emotional bond to someone makes you more intelligent than 90% of the girls out there. Behave accordingly. Nothing makes people feel more like shit than doing something they don't agree with just because it works out alright for other people.

Emotional and physical intimacy are both intimacy, so it's not surprising that people get them confused so often, or that people are constantly trying to figure the connection between them.

How ya doing, buddy?