Definitely Battlefield 2.
It is the one game I mention when anyone has anything to say about learning curves in video games. There's no real single player, there's no intro or training level, there's just you on a playing field with 64 people, now sink or swim.
To be honest, the first few months I had it was like torture playing it. But my friends were totally sold on it, so I stayed with it. And I started learning when to do what. Which kit counters this scenario? Should I use the vehicle or get out and run? Do we have a commander? Can he artillery that point for us before we take it?
The pure, unequalled variety in the gameplay makes for a daunting experience when you first start it up, but if you have the patience for it, there's big rewards in store. It's a neat game because almost anybody can be a big fish in their own little section of pond.
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I really liked Jade Empire. The only problem with it I had was that the move that slowed everything down was completely broken and made every fight exceptionally easy. Good game though and one I'd happily recommend to people.
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I've tried to play it a couple of times, and have basically the same problem as you with it, except it was a dealbreaker for me. Almost if not all of the battles I fought were a kind of lather, rinse, repeat thing. There weren't actual combos to use, just the different styles and then BUTAN MASH, so I never got invested in the combat.
Jam it back in, in the dark.