The One Shot Joke Thread.

My brother told me this one the other day and for some reason it struck both of us as really funny despite how corny it is:

This bloke was getting on a bit and living alone after his wife died,
and was very sad and lonely. So he went to the pet shop and asked the
assistant for a pet that would keep him company through his twilight
years whilst not needing too much care and attention itself.

The shop assistant said, "I have the very thing, it's quite special
you know," and produced a cardboard box. Inside was a millipede.

"What's so special about that?" asked the man.

"It's a talking millipede," the assistant replied.

The man was mightily impressed and bought the terrestrial crustacean
at once. Later that evening the guy thought, "let's see what this is
all about then," and opened the box.

"Shall we go to the pub then?" he asked the millipede, but got no
reply.

He asked the question again but still his new pet said nothing.

He wondered whether to take it back to the pet shop, but decided to
give it one last try. Looking into the box he asked again, "Oi! Are we
going to the pub or what?"

"Alright, alright," the millipede snapped back, "I'm just putting my
shoes on, for fuck's sake."

Jam it back in, in the dark.