Losing a Loved One

Recently one of my best friends, Caz, who i'd known and hung out with since I was 7 or 8 died at the age of 16 last Monday. It was a complete shock to me, and to the rest of my friends as I have a close group of friends that Caz was included in. Having to cope with the reality of it all has been quite difficult for me, as i've never had to suffer the pain of losing someone very close to me. At first I couldn't believe it, the reality kept hitting me and when i'd get upset it would seem to escape again. Now i'm slightly more in control of my emotions, i'm not crying randomly in the day anymore.

During the first few days I felt like I had just stopped completely and I was watching everyone else around me carry on without me. It was a very surreal thing, when I tried to get back into the "routine" of going to college I couldn't do it. I just ended up getting upset and I wasn't even concentrating on any of the work I was supposed to be doing. I think the most heartbreaking thing i've ever experienced is seeing a hearse come round a corner carrying a coffin with my best friend in. I don't think the feeling I had when I saw that will ever leave me.

Now, a week later, i'm back at college trying to catch up on the work I missed out on. I'm appreciating life and my friends a little bit more, because if i've learned anything from this it's that life really is short. Losing Caz was one of the hardest things I've had to deal with, and I can't really say i've dealt with it completely. She really did have the potential to do anything she wanted, she was the best junior cyclist in England, she was the most intelligent person I knew and also the sweetest and funniest girl i've ever met. I think this is something that i'll never learn to cope with, but I always remember the good times we had together when I think of her.

So on to the point of this thread, I was wondering has anyone had to deal with something similar. How did you deal with it? Did you find it better to talk about it with people or just deal with it by yourself? Have you come out of the experience with a positive outlook on life or a negative? Did it change you in any way?

Jam it back in, in the dark.