How do you move on after so long.

Ok so I never post here as much as I wanted to, especially in ANGST considering I don't want to be all whiney and stuff, but I just don't know my options at the moment. Please, have patience with me and read...

For 2 and a half years, I was going out with this guy. The relationship was mostly long distance but we talked everyday, literally for hours everyday. He was my best friend and we new everything about eachother. In person we weren't together as long as we were apart but when we were, we both knew that our relationship could never be compramised because I thought that we really loved eachother. I thought we were soul mates.

When we met, I guess you coulda called me "emo" but he changed me. He made me realize so much more about myself and he made me love life. We fixed eachothers problems.

Our number one focus was being together but we couldn't since I wasn't 18 yet and he was 3 years older then me so we had to wait. I thought we could do it since neither of us was unfaithful and it was something we both really wanted. We planned a whole year about living arangements, my job, his job, our family situations... we were ready.

A month before before I was gonna move in with him, things changed. I started hanging out and partying with friends a lot, getting drunk and jus fooling around, like a goodbye thing and he never liked that. He got a promotion that took up most of his day and was too tired to do much of anything else, even talk to me.

Then, he stopped talking to me all together. Wouldn't answer my calls or emails and it got me doubting myself and what I was doing. One day I get an email from him saying that he doesn't want to be together anymore, that he doesn't love me like he use to, that I am being childish, and he will explain everything later, just not now. I couldn't believe it at all.

... he never called me. I never got any closure.

I fell into a whole that I can't even get out of. I got kicked out of my house the day I turned 18, started doing drugs, barely went to work, got into trouble with the law, fooled around with too many guys I don't even remember most. I didn't know what I was doing until my feelings went completely numb. I can't cry or pretty much care about anyone. No guilt, no nothing. And I don't understand it. I could end up in jail and I don't care. I think I'm pregnant but that doesn't even phase me.

I'm screwing up so much but I can't let go of what happened, how we lasted 2 and a half years and he ends it all in an email. How I thought we loved eachother so much, that we were soulmates but then what are we now.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore but I feel the same way now then when I did when I got the email. It feels like time hasn't moved for me. Only thing changed is that I don't feel like I hate or love anything anymore. I don't feel anything and it's driving me nuts. I don't even have a care toward my brothers and sisters.

I am lost and I don't know what to do anymore. If you have any advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated.

Jam it back in, in the dark.