RIAA Sues XM Radio over portable listening device

Originally Posted by Chiribo

Gotta love it ^^, they are sueing a company over something that the law states is legal.

Am i the only one thinking that RIAA is gonna make up a bill and, push it through whatever it is you do there in usa, to make it legal to kill people if they download music ¬_¬ then get all their assessts? \o/

I await for the day ^_^

Personally, I'm thinking that the day is not far off when the RIAA pass a bill allowing them to charge you every time you hear one of their songs. After all, if you listen to a song that you didn't purchase, that's like stealing. Then, when your guard is down, RIAA employees will jump out from behind a tree, with a portable stereo, and impose large on-the-spot fees. After all, you heard it, so you stole it. Thieves, like other criminals, must pay the price.

Then the MPAA will implement a technology to prevent you from showing your HD DVD and Blu-Ray movies to your friends. After all, if you watch a film you didn't purchase, that's like stealing. Sony and Microsoft will build this technology into their next consoles, because after all, if you play a game at your friends house that you didn't purchase, that's kind of like stealing too. Sony were already considering locking you out from loaning your games to a friend, so this is the logical next step.

The next step after that is the bill that allows them to charge you for thinking about, or remembering one of their songs. In order to enforce it, they will need to implant their CRM (Cerebral Rights Managent) chip into your brain. This will become compulsory,to prevent mental infringement of intellectual property. Thinking about it, or remembering it is almost like hearing it, and they already passed the bill that makes hearing a song without purchasing it a crime. Don't try to steal music by thinking about it, they will catch you.

Of course the MPAA will be on board with the deal, so that you can't think of, or remember films either, without paying. After all, if you think of a film that you don't own, isn't that like stealing? Naturally you won't be able to watch the movie channels on TV at someone else's house anymore. They paid for the film, but did you? You weren't planning to watch a film that you didn't purchase were you? That's definitely stealing.

Naturally, once the chip is in your head, the logical next step is thought-censorship. In order to make it palatable to the public, the first measure will be an anti-terrorism law that makes it illegal to even think of committing terrorist acts. As a rider, it will also be illegal to consider seditious acts of any kind, or to believe that acts of that nature could ever be justified. It will also become illegal to contemplate acts of Intellectual Property theft, or to tdissaprove of the combined MPRIAA, who by now are the political party who control both houses, and the Oval Office.

Once that's gone through, and the public are used to the idea of thought censorship, in order to appease the Bible Belt, it will become illegal to be an athiest. Other religions than Chrisitianity will still be tolerated, by way of throwing a bone to the few remaining liberals, who by now live lives of quiet desperation, and contemplate suicide daily.

At this time it will also become illegal to think about doing drugs, or having pre-marital sex. Thinking that the fees are unjust, or how nice it would be to have some freedom will be punished instantly by electric shocks, as will breaking any of the other mental laws. This will serve as negative reinforcement, and lead to a 100% approval rate for the government within 2 generations.

Having finally gained control of every aspect of our waking lives, the MPRIAA will then decree that we are not even permitted to watch, or listen to even the music that we have purchased without sending in a written request for permission, and paying an additional "appreciation fee". After all, paying for something once, and then listening to it twice would be like stealing. What isn't like stealing these days?

At this point, it becomes illegal to enjoy yourself in any way whatsoever, without paying a fee to the MPRIAA. After all, wouldn't having fun that you didn't pay for be like stealing? Your chip will record all instances of enjoyment, and the degree of pleasure experienced, and you will be billed at the end of each month.

Finally, the MPRIAA will assume the role of the Papacy, and the United States of America will be formally renamed as the Holy American Empire, forcibly annexe the whole of Asia, and the Middle East, and the twin scourge of piracy and terrorism will be wiped out once and for all. By this point, of course, the government (and there is only one) will not recognise any meaningful distinction between "terrorism" and "piracy". Naturally the tenets of the Christian faith will have become somewhat modified in the process, but you can't make an omlette without breaking eggs. In particular the commandment, "Thou Shalt Not Steal Intellectual Property" becomes far more important than all of those silly ones about loving people, and serving God. After all... you have to remember what is important in life.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Klondike

Ah, Soluzar, that was refreshing like lemonade. Best part was the term "Cerebral Rights Management"....that could honestly catch on.

Originally Posted by Dark Nation

Soluzar: That sounds like a cyberpunk horror novel, with Phillip K. Dick and Stephen King co-collaborating as the authors.

The funny thing is that it was originally going to be just the second and third paragraphs. The second one being close to reality, and the third being mild satire. Then it just kept getting bigger, and that one line "[whatever] is kind of like stealing" seemed like a nice catchphase. It took on a life of its own. Maybe I should write it up as a short story. :P

Actually, thinking about it, I'm sure I actually stole many of the elements (but not all; CRM is mine! ) of that post from various sci-fi and cyberpunk authors to begin with. Now that's some tasty irony! I'm sure you heard that news story recently about the woman who claimed she "internalised" elements of other novels, so she wasn't consciously aware that she was plagiarising the authors from whom she took her plot elements. If you didn't I basically just sumarised it in that one sentance anyway.

Originally Posted by Gechmir

"Do People Dream of Infringements"?...

((Read up oh P.K. Dick if you don't follow))

I most certainly do follow, but I think my title would have to be "Isn't that kind of like stealing?" or some other variant on that line. Preferably a pun, if I could think of one. Plus the MPRIAA would never allow it to be... *gets shot*

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Devo

They'll video tape you humming and use it as evidence.

Eep. All these times I've been singing in the shower. Now I get the dual horror of not only being sued for Mental Infringement, but also having to appear naked on a videotape in court. I hope for the sake of the jurists they at least have the decency to apply the blur to my unclad form.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by garthvadr3

Sorry getting carried away, but really the RIAA can go to hell. The money they get probably never goes to the artists anyway.

Even if they do give some of the money to the artist, it will be just the usual pittance. Artists don't get rich from royalties. They get rich from the lump sums paid when they sign a 500-album deal upfront. Only problem with that is that as several artists, including TAFKA Prince have discovered, the record company then own your soul, and it will cost you almost everything you own to get out of the contract again.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?