Refuse to be taken over by a rumor

Rumor says that a boy in my club, who I never really noticed, likes me. As soon as I heard this rumor, I started observing the guy, seeing if the rumor is true. So far, I believe it is. However, all that observation has got some feelings growing within me. This always happens. Whenever I try to confirm a rumor saying that someone likes me, I grow likings for the guy throughout the process. I began to check recently if he's logged onto the internet messenger, see if he's attending club practices, and actually feel bored when he's not around even though we never actually talked. I'm bored because the person interested in me is not near.
How can I protect myself from the strangle of affection rumors?

P.S. By club I mean a school interest club.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Next time you see him, ask him. That could confirm/deny the rumour right there. Alternatively, if you want to be more subtle about it, try to hang out with the guy and read his body language. You could flirt with him and see if he responds in kind.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I also suggest just talking with him and sooner or later he will come around or you will be able to know for sure if he likes you. The worste that can happen is that you make a new friend right?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Shoot a smile and say hi to him sometime. He'll probably give either a shy reaction or be happy. If he's not interested then he probably won't respond or care much. If he gives you a dirty or strange look, then you've eliminated someone you don't want to be friends with!

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So you're developping feelings for someone who's been rumored to be interested in you.

... what's wrong there? ;_;

I was speaking idiomatically.

What kind of club is it? Go ask him to buy you a drink next time.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Happens to me all the time. I see a guy passing looks at me constantly, then I develop a crush. It all starts with a little attention, seriously. Perhaps even a rumor can make it happen. What's the worst that can happen? Talk to him. Are you already his friend? If not, get to know him. It works out for the both of you!

I think by club like an interest club, right?

FELIPE NO

I still don't fully understand what makes someone suddenly 'attracted' to someone because they heard or know they have a crush on them? I mean...not promoting that i am god of looks at school but i have had people 'comptemplate' taking friendship with me further and i never developed a crush for any of them...

I am not saying what you are doing is wrong, hey, whatever makes you happy you know? I am just asking how that whole concept works out, like said many times before, just get to know the guy, talk a bit, and slowly move into his life and he will slowly move into yours, if things work out then take it further than friends and enjoy the happiness while it lasts.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

What I'm asking for is not the methods for testing a guy. The problem is that I don't want to develope affection for every person that spread out rumors saying that they like me. I like to be passive, since I don't like the idea of finding the right guy myself. It just increases your chances of being rejected. Compared to it, I think that waiting has a slimmer chance of rejection. Also, having people gossipping about me after someone bugs me.
Just how do I stop affections from growing?

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Originally Posted by Shin

What kind of club is it? Go ask him to buy you a drink next time.

Is this common practice in England? Walking up to people and asking them to buy drinks for you? Man. I would deck a chick if she pulled that shit. Buy your OWN goddamned drinks.

Anyways, yea. There was a suggestion that you shoot a smile and give out a friendly hello. Thats a great idea.

Open up a line of communication. If he really IS interested in you, he will seize the opportunity. If he isn't, at least you made a friend, right? If he SCOWLS at you or something, then you know the rumor is bullshit.

PLay with your options. It never hurts to be friendly - you really have nothing to lose. I wouldn't walk right up to him and ask him whether or not a rumor is true. Your best bet is to play it cool and see if you can kindle a fire on your own. =D

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Is this common practice in England? Walking up to people and asking them to buy drinks for you? Man. I would deck a chick if she pulled that shit. Buy your OWN goddamned drinks.

It only works for women, but it's not exactly uncommon. Men have to make the offer of buying a drink. Sexist rules, but what can you do. The point is that by asking the man if he'd like to offer her a drink, the woman is signposting that she is opening the negotiations. I think that Shin is assuming that thirdjean means a nightclub. It is a meat market on the club scene, after all. That's pretty much what nightclubs are for.

Things can't be that different in the states, surely? When people go out to a nightclub in England, a lot of them are looking to get laid. If thirdjean really does mean an interest club rather than a nightclub then none of this is relevant, but it wouldn't be bad advice for a nightclub situation.

Quote:

I wouldn't walk right up to him and ask him whether or not a rumor is true. Your best bet is to play it cool and see if you can kindle a fire on your own. =D

Agreed. By asking him about the rumour, the topic creator would be placing the onus on him, whereas if it is unspoken, things remain nicely tension-free.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by thirdjean

Rumor says that a boy in my club...

I think by club means school club. =p Thirdjean has to confirm this. Although it's interesting to see the thread turn into a nightclub etiquette class.

Originally Posted by thirdjean

The problem is that I don't want to develope affection for every person that spread out rumors saying that they like me. I like to be passive, since I don't like the idea of finding the right guy myself. It just increases your chances of being rejected. Compared to it, I think that waiting has a slimmer chance of rejection. Also, having people gossipping about me after someone bugs me.
Just how do I stop affections from growing?

Let me assure you, you will not develop affection for, literally, every guy who is rumored to like you. From experience, I would say the success rate is extremely low. Maybe the guys who like you fit your personality. Or maybe they're handsome (that's a start for rumored affection). There's nothing wrong with that. You can't help your feelings.

Being passive is normal, but at times you should take matters into your own hands. Flirt with him a little bit, see if he responds back. It's not like you're confessing your affection for him and putting yourself on the spot. True, waiting means less chance of being rejected, but it also means less chance of opening yourself up as well. Rejection is everyone's fear, but it's something we all go through and something that is completely normal. It might sting for a while, but you move on.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Um, just to clear up a bit, by "club" I meant an interest club at school, not a night club.

Originally Posted by Dee

Let me assure you, you will not develop affection for, literally, every guy who is rumored to like you. From experience, I would say the success rate is extremely low. Maybe the guys who like you fit your personality. Or maybe they're handsome (that's a start for rumored affection).

From my experience, the possibility of crush developement is over 90%. I tend to notice the good sides of people.

How ya doing, buddy?

That's a tad high, but there's nothing you can do about your feelings. The crush will most likely dissapate after a short period of time. Happens to me frequently. But we are all different. For you, who knows. There's nothing wrong with having guys like you, and even better, knowing that he likes you (unless he's some crazy middle aged pedo).

Many relationships start off as a one person wooing the other. Example, guy wooing girl. Does she like him at first? Not likely, but because he shows interest in her, she develops interest in him. Completely normal.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by NaklsonofNakkl

I still don't fully understand what makes someone suddenly 'attracted' to someone because they heard or know they have a crush on them?

It's called Attention Whoring. She's just doing it in a very mild, passive, and introverted way. The fact remains though that the idea/feeling of attention from someone is intriguing as long as that person doesn't repulse you. Females are really good for this. Males do it too, hell I'm doing it with someone I know, but the average guy I see doesn't get as bad a chick.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Is this common practice in England? Walking up to people and asking them to buy drinks for you? Man. I would deck a chick if she pulled that shit. Buy your OWN goddamned drinks.

Hahahahaha, you're so fucking butch.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?