Squirrels refuse medical care

ALEXANDRIA, Raleigh Avenue and N. Jordan Street, Sept. 29: A person called Animal Control about an injured squirrel on the sidewalk.

An Animal Control officer tried to examine the squirrel, but it jumped up and ran up a tree. The officer said the squirrel was probably not seriously injured. Another squirrel was spotted on the sidewalk nearby, and it did not move when the officer approached.

It was taken to the Animal Welfare League for examination, but upon arrival, the squirrel became alert and resisted attempts to be handled.

The officer saw a small cut on the top of its head and said the squirrel might have suffered some sort of trauma.

Because the animal appeared to have recovered from the trauma, the officer took it to the area where it had been found and released it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I immediately thought of Secret Squirrel, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

An illegal immigrant squirrel, no doubt.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I remember one time I was driving along to my friend's house.

And I glanced out the window and saw two squirrels fighting in a tree. Jumping about and nipping at each other.

The fight worked it's way down the tree. At this point I was basically coasting forward watching this. As they kept fighting they worked their way right into the middle of the road.

As I approached I SWEAR TO GOD I saw one of them push the other in front of my front tire at the last possible second.

It was sort of Mortal Kombat fatality or something, little guy got squarshed. With his enemy flattened the other one just hauled ass out of there.

I felt awful for the rest of the day

How ya doing, buddy?

I swear to god, spring and summer of 2009 was the season of birds committing suicide by my car. It was so sad watching a bird swoop in front of me and not seeing him fly off

or the one time when two birds decided to chill in front of two lanes of traffic while the light turned from red to green, and the other guy rolled forward like he didn't give a shit, and so I had to too

I was speaking idiomatically.