Shadows of a Former Past

I have been thinking about this for some time now, and i am at the final step (asking fellow Gamingforcinans).

Basically the deal is this; in my past, things happened, not like 'rape or sexual harassment' bad things, but just unpleasant memories. I want to rid myself of them but i know that is impossible. So for my graduation i proposed i would do this once i said my goodbyes to friends and start at college (since none of my friends are going to the same college as me). When i get there i have the idea of taking the once chance to erase my past by never talking about it and when people ask, i tell them i cannot recall anything about it.

Now the problem is this, 1. I don't want my friends to think i hate them, 2. I don't want people to misunderstand this and just tell me to stop being stupid and just deal with a bad past and 3. i know this is stupid because eventually someone will remember something from your past and talk about old times, yatta yatta. What i am basically saying is this, i want to rid my past threw never speaking of it, but how can i do this without the problem of getting myself into a 'i lost who i really am' view and 'my friends think i hate them' problem? Any suggestions?

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by NaklsonofNakkl

I have been thinking about this for some time now, and i am at the final step (asking fellow Gamingforcinans).

Basically the deal is this; in my past, things happened, not like 'rape or sexual harassment' bad things, but just unpleasant memories. I want to rid myself of them but i know that is impossible. So for my graduation i proposed i would do this once i said my goodbyes to friends and start at college (since none of my friends are going to the same college as me). When i get there i have the idea of taking the once chance to erase my past by never talking about it and when people ask, i tell them i cannot recall anything about it.

Now the problem is this, 1. I don't want my friends to think i hate them, 2. I don't want people to misunderstand this and just tell me to stop being stupid and just deal with a bad past and 3. i know this is stupid because eventually someone will remember something from your past and talk about old times, yatta yatta. What i am basically saying is this, i want to rid my past threw never speaking of it, but how can i do this without the problem of getting myself into a 'i lost who i really am' view and 'my friends think i hate them' problem? Any suggestions?

There's nothing wrong with forgetting your past. Problem is, anyone from that past must be forgotten as well. In order to completely ignore the past, it must be literally erased, so that you can start with a clean slate.

You have to be willing to cut all ties to people in your past in order to ignore the events of the past. If you aren't willing to do this, then you'll find your task to be difficult indeed. If you go through with it though, or if you need to in order to find happiness in life, then that's what you should do.

Follow your heart.

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Knowing the magnitude of your past injuries would be instrumental in helping you deal with it. How your friends, assumingly people you keep reasonable contact with, factor into this pain would also help. Please provide as much information as you can.

How ya doing, buddy?

What exactly is so "unpleasant" about your past anyway (you don't have to answer that)? So unpleasant that you want to consolidate everything you've done in the past, good or bad it seems, and set it on fire.

Your past is exactly that, your past. The only reason why you would want to ignore that it even occurred is because you don't want to let it go (in my opinion).

But, if you do decide to do this anyway then those people you call "friends" aren't really your friends anymore. They were in your past and according to you, you "can't seem to recall anything about it." Friends included. So why do you care what these people think? You don't even know them apparently.

Try dying your hair, maybe getting plastic surgery, and move to a different state. Hell, why not study abroad? At least then you know for sure you won't run into anyone you know. Don't forget to keep your parents out of the loop. Someone might try to find you through them.

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Well I dunno, there were a lot of things that happened to me in the past that I didn't like. Heh some of them were even because of me. Going back on them I might think that I wish I never did them or experienced them but that fact that they have happened already like Kazyl said means that's kinda impossible.

All in all I think that those memoeries make me a stronger person for having gone through them.

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Perhaps when a friend bring up the subject about your past, you can politely apologize and say, "I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about it." If your friends really respect you, they would let go and move on to something else.

How ya doing, buddy?

I couldn't say I'm in the same boat as you, like trying to forget my past or forgetting unpleasant situations, but it comes naturally. College is a big step, especially one where you don't know literally anyone. In this case, I can empathize because that was me my freshman year in college. I didn't know anyone, seriously. It was scary, but at the same time exciting.

From what I can get from your post, it seems like you have bad relationships with some of your friends. Going to a college where no one knows you realllly helps in this case. Your ties with your old friends eventually loosen and then disintegrate before you even realize it. It happened to many of my high school friends. But it's not without gain, you make many new friends in college too. In my case, it helps not going on AIM or better yet just make a new screen name. Unless they're extremely close to you, they'll eventually not make contact with you either. No one is going to think that "you've lost who you really are" because college is really a big step to take. A lot of people change, and so do friends.

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Losing connection with who you really are, as mentioned, depends on if you believe your negative past should impact you. You should certainly try to learn from it if not forget completely. If your friends truly care about you, then I assume that they would attempt to make contact if they notice that you've been distant. Otherwise, from my own experience, I lost contact with about five close friends from high school after my first year of college was complete. I didn't know anyone at my university, so I managed to meet new people easily. After a while, I found that I had changed too much and so had my old friends.

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