Being shy sucks, for real

After spending a summer alone and then starting college alone, I've come to a realization that didn't even occur to me in high school; I'm incredibly shy. It wasn't much something I ever dwelt on in high school. After all, the friends I had were outgoing and I'd known most of them for years. This summer I moved to Georgia for a brief period of time, convinced that--when I wasn't working--I'd go out and have fun and meet new people. I figured this would be easy, everyone I've ever met says that I'm a great person and really easy to get along with. Well these plans came to a halt when I realized I was shy. As in terribly shy. I only talked to someone that I didn't know twice. Once, was the guy that served me coffee, I asked him how he'd recommend meeting new people and then another, I left a note on someone's table. Both ended in my shaking and in essence almost having a panic attack.

It's not that I don't want to meet new people, I do, it's just that I guess in a way I'm afraid of how people will view, or that they'll reject me before they know me. Because of this, I haven't made an effort(out of fear/shyness) in any of my classes to talk to anyone. I've become somewhat of a recluse, if you will, and I'm starting to get the feeling that I'm getting a reputation of being a bitch.

So, my question here is how do you guys get over shyness? What are some tips you have or do you even have some funny stories? You know, things like that.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Shyness is really bad if you have a speech coming up tomorrow.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Overcoming shyness can be little more than realizing that all people are essentially the same. That is, they mostly share the same sense of insecurity and flaw. (Its the tie that binds so to speak.)

I think identifying this idea is really what has allowed me to be less nervous when meeting new people. That is, I don't feel that I am alone in my sense of insecurity, however warranted or unwarranted I initially feel about the matter. Everyone wants to make a good first impression and most people are afraid to be themselves.

The difference between people who are shy and those who are not, is the LEARNED ability to try to correct a sense of nervousness as soon as it flares up. It takes work, but its worth it.

In any event, being shy isn't always a detriment. When meeting new people, remember to breathe deeply, relax, be yourself. Be real. Its an easy thing not to do when you are pressing yourself to be clever and interesting in front of new people.

If you are being yourself, regardless of whether or not you make a "good" first impression or not, at least you can walk away from any situation with little regret.

Trust me, it isn't the end of the world if expectations aren't met in the way we would like.
In short, who gives a shit what anyone thinks? Don't make mountains of mole-hills and I am sure you'll be okay.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I'm shy, too.

It's not that I'm afraid of meeting new people, though. I'll talk to strangers. I can generally make friends if I'm in a setting where I have none already.

My problem is public speaking. I cannot stand being in front of a crowd. As I have Comm. Skills next semester, I can foresee that as a problem. It's just that when I get up in front of people, I start to shake. My voice shakes, my body shakes, and I basically fall apart right in front of people.

I don't know what causes this reaction in me, whether it's that I'm afraid of people or what they will think of me, or what. I've tried everything imaginable, from looking at everyone's left ears instead of into their eyes to imagining them in their underwear.

Nothing works. The shaking persists.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

I'm shy, too.

It's not that I'm afraid of meeting new people, though. I'll talk to strangers. I can generally make friends if I'm in a setting where I have none already.

My problem is public speaking. I cannot stand being in front of a crowd. As I have Comm. Skills next semester, I can foresee that as a problem. It's just that when I get up in front of people, I start to shake. My voice shakes, my body shakes, and I basically fall apart right in front of people.

I don't know what causes this reaction in me, whether it's that I'm afraid of people or what they will think of me, or what. I've tried everything imaginable, from looking at everyone's left ears instead of into their eyes to imagining them in their underwear.

Nothing works. The shaking persists.

As silly as it sounds, when I'm in plays, whenever I tend to get a bit nervous before I go on stage, so do a little dance thing. You know, the whole shake your whole body out look like a silly buffoon. It does wonders in getting out some of the nervousness.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Yeah it sucks, every time I try to talk to a girl I hyperventilate and collapse to the floor...when that happens, I know I messed up

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I'm shy in a different way. I'm not afraid to others too. The problem is that since I rarely follow the latest news, my knowledge about latest info are terrible. Especially about infotainment and sports.

The bad news is that the people around me often talk about those two stuffs: sports (especially soccer...man...) and celebrities (especially local ones, which I only hear about once in a year). The point is, I can't talk normally to them. I have nothing in common to be shared to them. All long conversations will just end up me being excluded out of the talkings. People will just consider me strange.

But what the hell; I'm getting used to it now.

FELIPE NO

Make like an actor. When I'm nervous, I just start acting really extroverted.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I do as well; as an actor for a few things, I'm used to other people. I get really funny, too, and just start firing off random, really funny jokes about whatever the conversation is. I do that with my friends, too, but that's beside the point.

When I shake in front of other people in speaking, that means I'm not moving enough, and I have energy I need to burn off. So I make my presentation more physical: more running, flapping sounds noises, jokes, you name it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Arrogance.

I'm serious. If you feel that you're below somebody, you won't have much luck talking to them if you're not used to confronting them.
Maybe you need to just imagine, for a short while, that the people you're talking to are below you. You're better than them. If that doesn't work, try and realize that most social groups have leaders and followers. Try and be the leader. Recommend things before somebody else does. Come up with ideas. I'm sure you're bright enough to do something like that.

As far as nervous shaking, there's not really much I've ever been able to do about it, even if my entire mind is comfortable, my body will shake. It just takes getting comfortable in a situation.

So practice, practice, practice.



Also, don't dwell on mistakes. Get over them. As quick as you can. If you think you're stupid because you said something wrong, then you ARE stupid. Don't think that.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I was incredibly shy until I hit 18 years of age. Outside, I normally just talk to people about stuff, mostly about work, life, weather and some random stuff. Nowadays I feel more outgoing but the shyness is still intact; I plan to fix it.

Talking to people doesn't need to be something spectacular; no need for heavy subjects that much. Small talk always works.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I've suffered from shyness throughout my life, but overcame it. A lot of people use alcohol to open up, which I am very much against, although I don't dislike drinkers. Just not my thing. I got over it with a variety of ways. First thing is to learn to not care about what others think about you. I think my shyness came from being ridiculed at times in my childhood. I used that as motivation to become a better person all around. There are assholes everywhere so you are just going to have to deal with meeting people like that sometimes.

Give yourself reasons to be confident in yourself. Stay motivated and focused in life is one of the best ways. For example: some people are shy around girls because they don't think they are good looking or are too pudgy or whatever. There is usually something behind your shyness that you don't like about yourself, thus you are worried that others won't like that same quality about you as well. So stay motivated and try to make yourself the best possible person you can. Again, the best way to be confident in others liking you is if you like yourself.

I used to be shy around girls, because I thought I was too scrawny and weak. So I bust my ass lifting weights every day to get bigger, stronger, and more cut. It gave me more confidence.

So basically my advice would be to sit down and think about why you are shy. Ask yourself. Be honest with yourself. Is it something that you are afraid they won't like? Maybe that isn't your problem. Some people it has nothing to do with that. Maybe you are just one of those people that is shy for no apparent reason.

If that is the case, then the best way is probably to get your feet wet. Just like anything else, once you try something and realize it isn't so bad, you are less likely to be nervous in that regard in the future. So just try making some friends. Just be nice, polite, and be yourself. Never try to be another personality just so people will like you. If you get rejected, then realize it isn't the end of the world and use it as motivation to make friends.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

If a person forms a concrete opinion of you or judges you based on a small amount of data, such as a bad first impression, I would not hold much worth in having a friendship or relationship with that person. I think the best advice I can give you is to focus on yourself: put your effort into being the best possible you of that moment.

I was speaking idiomatically.

What Zeph said. When you are in the mind-set that you are deigning to speak to the people around you, it hardly matters how they react. As a result, most reactions are pleasant.

I take it a step further, and, recognizing that most people are uncomfortable outside of their comfort zone, will sometimes be extremely out-going, simply to see how they react.

I'm pretty sure that "I'm shy," is just a nice way of saying "I feel I have little self-worth." You should work on that.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I've the same problem as you. I can hardly make some new friend, or even start to discuss with them if they didn't start before me. May be it becuse of being the only child and didn't have any kid around my age in my neighborhood, so I've become lone type.
For me once I've forced by the senior to dressed in Lara Croft and did stupid roleplay on the stage in front of everyone (it's in my 1st year welcoming party)...my face terribly turned red and start to feel like my heart is going to stop suddenly ......then when my shy come to peak, I tried to forget that I was standing in front of 100+ people and I don't feel anything anymore. I found that this way is quite good, if I,m presenting..I'll try to think that the audience is some of my old friends.

FELIPE NO

Oh, how I feel for you...
My wife and I are in the same boat as you are right now! We're both from really small towns close to where we live now. We moved into the big city about a year and a half ago to get away from that small town life and all the people in it.
All of my friends are those "sit on your ass and play World of Warcraft and Halo all the time" kind of guys. Not that there's anything really wrong with that but we can never get them to go anywhere with us. And my wife literally hates all her friends from high school now, all of whom have let her down in some way recently.
So after we moved up here, we sat out to find new friends. Ones that we could hang out with up here and not have to drive 35 miles back home to hang with. Oh my god, that failed miserably. We've tried going to clubs, to coffee shops, to the mall...you name a place we've been there. Every time it just seems like everyone else is off in there own little world talking to other people and it almost feels rude to interrupt, you know? And waiting for someone to talk to you is pointless because most of the time it's like you are invisible. We would go to a club and literally sit in the corner together and just watch other people walk by. They had a halloween party last year that was absolutely wicked awesome, but that's all we did the entire time(we were dressed up and everything!).
To make matters worse, my wife gets real anxious around large groups of people. While that doesn't bother me, I end up feeling bad for her after a while and we'll just leave to get her out of there.
Needless to say, we STILL don't know anyone up here almost a year and a half later and so every weekend we load up the car and head back home to hang out with my goofball friends. And we all sit around and play video games and get drunk the whole weekend.
Anyway, the point of the story is that your not alone. While I can't really help you with a way to fix it, atleast maybe you read this and it made you feel a little better knowing you weren't the only one.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

"I'm pretty sure that "I'm shy," is just a nice way of saying "I feel I have little self-worth." You should work on that."

Bullshit! I'm the shyest person you'll ever meet, but I really don't feel I have little self-worth. I just get nervous when around other people I don't know, and find it hard to strike up conversations. Being shy and having low self-esteem are two very different things. I personally don't think it's bad to by shy. I LIKE shy people, myself!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

Arrogance.

I'm serious. If you feel that you're below somebody, you won't have much luck talking to them if you're not used to confronting them.
Maybe you need to just imagine, for a short while, that the people you're talking to are below you. You're better than them. If that doesn't work, try and realize that most social groups have leaders and followers. Try and be the leader. Recommend things before somebody else does. Come up with ideas. I'm sure you're bright enough to do something like that.

As far as nervous shaking, there's not really much I've ever been able to do about it, even if my entire mind is comfortable, my body will shake. It just takes getting comfortable in a situation.

So practice, practice, practice.



Also, don't dwell on mistakes. Get over them. As quick as you can. If you think you're stupid because you said something wrong, then you ARE stupid. Don't think that.

You know, I've tried the arrogance thing. It usually ends up with people just going "What is wrong with you. Why are you acting like this? You're not not like how you used to be!" which makes me look like a giant asshole. :|

I wish I wasn't as shy as I am when I'm doing things solo. (I'm not really at all when I'm around a group of friends that I've known for a while) but eh.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by dagget

You know, I've tried the arrogance thing. It usually ends up with people just going "What is wrong with you. Why are you acting like this? You're not not like how you used to be!" which makes me look like a giant asshole. :|

I wish I wasn't as shy as I am when I'm doing things solo. (I'm not really at all when I'm around a group of friends that I've known for a while) but eh.

I think what Zeph really means is just about mind-settings. Just consider them to be more inferior than you, but you don't show different attitude towards them. When you think you're facing someone lower than you, confidence will slowly build up, and you'll find nothing to be worried about.

In other words, just feel, but do not show it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

First, realize that being shy (or quiet) is NOT a bad thing.

I have found to enjoy being shy. Yes, there ARE times it can be frustrating (making friends, communication, etc), but I tend to find that my friendships become stronger and more long-lasting with those who I do talk to. I suppose that's because those I talk to, whom listen to me (and get past the pro wrestling references and video game talk, haha), show me respect and patience, and in turn I show them the same. And those are the friendships (in my opinion) you want to have. It is far better to have two strong, long-lasting friendships than 2000 loose friendships.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't socialize at all...just don't force yourself into uncomfortable situations/conversations. If you don't like, say, baseball, then don't go to a game. It will bore you to death, and the other person may be more focused on the game than talking to you (thereby defeating the purpose of conversation). That doesn't mean not to try things, but if it's truly something that you won't enjoy, just chill and find another opportunity. Sometimes I find that just going to a simple lunch with one or two people works.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Hmmm I'm in somewhat the same situation you are, having troubles meeting new people or getting over shyness (At the university, in my case)

However, in my case I eventually stopped caring about it when people to whom I barely ever said "hi" once or twice in two years or so started talking trash or making-up stuff about me. If people try to judge you like that and they don't even know you at all, you're better off without them.

Now, when I need to get over shyness for a reason or another (Mostly wanting to befriend someone or getting closer to achieving something) I just try to act natural and most of the time it works.

Just remember that people are supposed to like you, not another personality, just be yourself when you feel the persons are worthy of your time. Otherwise you can live without them, it just takes some time to get used to it.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I have been pretty shy all my life but lately i have been starting to open up to people and hang out with them on occasions, usually if i know them well enough it becomes easy, but if im just meeting someone or a new group of people, the shyness creeps from the back of my head.

Girls especially attractive ones are what gets to me most. Like i was in the breakroom at my college waiting for classes to start and minding my own business, When this cute asain chick comes and usually sits alone at a table by the window, She comes everyday buys soemthing from the machine and sits down. She was pretty cute,attractive,ect. So one day as i am studying notes from class, I didn't notice her walking up to me and casually asking in a small voice: Excuse me but do you have the time? By then i heard her looked up and almost had a fucking heart attack, but then i just maintaned my composture, looked her straight in the eye and told her the time in a confident voice. So usually the only time im confident is when the situation that im nervous about happens. Its like you act quickly and forget about the fear.

I think with a little practice, shyness will be almost non-existant.



Most amazing jew boots

Hang out with me here in Athens and that'll all change.

FELIPE NO

Shyness suck! yes I know. BUT I think the solution to break shyness is by doing something that you wouldn't expect yourself to do like being straight and dancing half naked on your 21st Birthday, On Fat Tuesday (Mardigral), on top of the table at a gay bar, Then waking up the next morning, finding $2.00 dollars tip in your underwear plus a phone number from a guy, your friend told you was trying to buy you more drinks. Being a Honors student, you couldn't help but miss 4 classes the next morning But make Viola sectionals still drunk.

Yea, I think that definitely, if I was at all shy to begin with, cleared any left over shyness in me.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

You could say shyness is a phobia for meeting new people. To overcome this you just have to confront yourself with the fear. Many times in a row. Just talk to random people on the street. I know it's like dieing, but after a while you'll get used to it.

And in my case shyness is not something you want to have when you want to get a job...

Most amazing jew boots