I gots a nü gurlfriend

I'm dating a Christian girl, nothing less nothing more. There has to be a thread like these somewhere but please give this a shot (also I put this here so I can get more responses but feel free to move).

We've been dating for a month and I've found she and her family take their religion on a therapeutic side, they talk about god and stuff but generally they're kinda relaxed, I wouldn't say open minded tough.

I can say these because she and her sister have had an active sexual life before and probably after, you know, their brain washing. She told me about it and stuff, however sex isn't the main concern, at least not for now.

Everything is cool, she doesn't mess with my ideas and I don't mess with hers, religion isn't much of a conversation theme except for the ocassional OMG, what would Jesus do and stuff like that.

However, there has been at least two times when she breaks down and tell me that she cannot be my gf because of her religion. For now it's cool, I can deal with but I think it will be so much of a problem later. It's like "Oh we can't be together" and for the next days everything is the way it was. I wouldn't mind being a friend with benefits, I mean she's gorgeous and actually lives up my intellectual expectations, I cannot complain and if that's how the rules are I'm willing to accept.

As I said sex isn't much of an issue, we do get psychical (I gots the Mojo, what can I say) and for me is way more than perfect. Sex just would mess up even more her mind.

So yeah what's your advice, should I stick with her until everything explodes, should I accept her invitation to her church if she asks, SHOULD I CONVERT MYSELF AND THROW AWAY MY DECADENT WAY OF LIFE?

Comment, bi0tches.

This is me at my most verbose after a year of not typing in english. Applause.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I thought most Mexicans were Christian, particularly Catholic. Is this a grossly exaggerated stereotype or are you simply within the minority?

Anyhow, she's young and she probably hasn't identified which is more important to her in life: faith or romance. There are compelling arguments for both but she's known faith longer. Faith fits into her world like a comfy pair of slippers, whereas you're a stiff, new pair of dress shoes.

Conversion into a new faith is a big leap. Ultimately, you have to do it for your own reasons and not for the sake of keeping another person in your life. In relationships, so many things can drive a couple apart, there's no guarantee that joining her church will ensure years of fidelity. If and when the breakup occurs, what of the church? What of your supposed new faith? If that lifestyle isn't already something you desire, it won't bring you closer to anybody else. It may only serve as a source of resentment; when relations are strained, you'll see the church as a paid sacrifice whose offering has not been returned in kind. Your existence within the church - the prayers, the sacraments, the teachings - will you commit to these things in sincerity or will your involvement be a series of lies? You have to know the answer to that, and if the answer is "lies" or if you don't know the answer, then joining her church is not the path you require.

As your description suggests, I believe she is creating a precedent, a way out of the relationship if one becomes necessary. The eventual choice between faith and romance is probably a truthful one but she's raised the issue several times, she's got an escape route if any number of circumstances requires that the relationship come to an end.

But for each time she's brought this matter up, she's clung to you for several more days. She's bracing for a possible impact - so to speak - but I honestly don't think she wants the relationship to end. It seems more likely that outside forces will end it for her and she doesn't want it to come as a shock to anybody.

So, enjoy it day to day. I'm inclined to think that it won't last too long - she's already established a context for its demise - so don't go rushing in on the expectation that she'll be in your life for years to come. Enjoy her now and don't worry too much about things you can't necessarily control. If she keeps delaying the relationship's end, then perhaps her priorities will change and she'll find reasons to put you ahead of her faith. If she does, consider it a pleasant surprise.

But don't go messing with your faith because it's what she wants. If it's not for you, no girl will be able to change that, and no good relationship can be built upon such a colossal lie.

How ya doing, buddy?

There are millions of perfectly wonderful atheistic (or apathetic religious) girls out there. Don't.

My dad has already said that while he loves my mother and would never think of leaving her, if he had to do it over again he would never marry someone religious. At some point in the relationship it WILL become an issue - even if they claim to be OK with it and don't question your lack of going to church, is it worth going through life not really able to tell her how the world works you feel on some topics because you know it would crush her? In my opinion, no.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Or when you have kids and they insist that your children should go to church. Even if she does not want to mess with your head, its highly likely she would want her children to be christian. I've got nothing against religion but its not fair when parents convince children to believe in stuff like god when they are too young to think for themselves and find something they truly believe in.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've seen it become a problem in the long term. I knew a couple who dated several years and it affected them to the point where they ultimately had to part ways instead of getting married and being compatible in every other way. The guy couldn't handle the idea of marrying a non-Christian so he ended up quickly marring a woman who was not a good match, but she was the same religion. It was a real shame seeing that happen.

If people can feel comfortable not being in sync religiously that's fine and it's fine if someone can't handle it. But if they can't handle it there's no point in even starting anything, one or both sides gets hurt when it falls apart. Why go thru all that crap? There's enough people on the planet to find someone who doesn't put you thru that.

I just want to clarify, she can't be your girlfriend because she's a Christian but she can have sex before marriage? Why isn't she concerned about that sin? I don't think it's considered a sin to marry an unbeliever. At the very least it suggests it's best not. But I haven't studied the issue. But if it is considered a sin, why is that an issue for her when the other isn't?

I was speaking idiomatically.

On the whole sex-before-marriage thing ,some people don't even see it as a sin, but more of a personal choice. And who the fuck cares, so long as I don't have to deal with that jive. I'm all for banging before wedding. I want to try on the shoes before I buy them, what the hell. Some people just don't think it's necessary, or fair, or right....or whatever.

I would not, however, date someone who had vastly different views on faith than me. I am an atheist, and it shows in a lot of my perspectives. I wouldn't want to chose someone that would have a major clash with me in the long run. I am thinking mostly of having children here, as religion wouldn't really affect anything I have going in my life here and now.

Though I find religious zealots 100% unattractive.

I could probably deal with a Christian, Jew, Muslim or Buddhist, provided they're kind of half-assed about it, and wouldn't preach to me about it.

EDIT: I wrote this as though Bahamuty's post was the OP.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

This relationship is going to train-wreck. No doubts about it.

I mean, if she REALLY means something to you, and you were to pursue religion, it'd be for all the wrong reasons and you would end up screwing it up. You'd have to do it away from her and completely on your own.

And if she were to ditch religion to be with you, it'd just come back up later and make you both miserable. If married you'd divorce.

So if you have any respect for her, you should try and end it reasonably soon. Or you could milk the poonani as long as you can. Depends on the kind of person you are, I guess.

But no matter what happens, absolutely DO NOT let her make the decision for you.

FELIPE NO

I find it interesting how intolerant people can be of religious folks. And it's ironic, because Christians are the ones who are usually labled that way.

Like Crash said, don't go messing around trying to change her view on religion or her own spirituality. It would be just as disrespectful of you to do that to her as it would be for her to try to change you.

I honestly don't get why religion plays into your ONE MONTH OLD relationship all. The problem, like Blightfire mentioned, usually rears its head once you have children together. She will undoubtedly want to raise her children as Christians, which is understandable since she is one. You just have to decide whether this girl is someone you can see yourself with long-term. If so, you'd better start thinking about the future, because if you have a problem with your children going to church (and I've never understood why anyone would - even people who don't believe in God - but that's just me), then you might want to move along and try to find someone who shares your closed-mindedness about religion.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Tawnee Van Pelt

However, there has been at least two times when she breaks down and tell me that she cannot be my gf because of her religion.

Alarm bells are ringing, dude. You are dating someone who has already tried to break up with me twice within the first month. Unless you see a realistic possibility of fixing the basic issue that is causing this, that's a horrible, emotionally destructive relationship you have in prospect.

Quote:

So yeah what's your advice, should I stick with her until everything explodes, should I accept her invitation to her church if she asks, SHOULD I CONVERT MYSELF AND THROW AWAY MY DECADENT WAY OF LIFE?

I definitely would advise you to not convert for her. It's pretty clear that you wouldn't consider doing so if not for her, which means that you'd probably resent it. She might also realise that you're doing it just to be with her, and if she takes her religion seriously, she probably wouldn't be happy about that.

You guys are already in what seems to be a very unstable relationship, and the only way to make it more stable is to neutralise the contentious issue. She probably won't recant her faith for you, and while you might convert, it seems like a bad idea.

If you're the kind of guy who can stand for a relationship to be just about today, then that might be fine. Stick with it, enjoy her company, enjoy the relationship for what it is. If you're the kind of guy who has to believe there could be a future in the relationship to make it worthwhile, then you might as well jump ship now. These issues aren't going away in any mutually satisfactory manner, and sooner or later the breakup will become permanent.

I think I just effectively paraphrased Crash, but it wasn't intentional. I just happen to agree with him without having really read his post prior to writing my own. He covered the nuances far better than I did.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Arainach

if he had to do it over again he would never marry someone religious.

Originally Posted by Tawnee Van Pelt

We've been dating for a month

Originally Posted by Blightfire

Or when you have kids

Originally Posted by Tawnee Van Pelt

We've been dating for a month

Originally Posted by Tawnee Van Pelt

SHOULD I CONVERT MYSELF AND THROW AWAY MY DECADENT WAY OF LIFE?

Originally Posted by Tawnee Van Pelt

We've been dating for a month

Seriously

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Alice

I find it interesting how intolerant people can be of religious folks. And it's ironic, because Christians are the ones who are usually labled that way.

I'm going to go ahead and assume you're talking about me. ;_;

I'm not intolerant of religious folks. I'm really, really not.

I just don't want my partner's morals and ethics coming from a completely different place than where I get mine.

I don't see why it's wrong of me to chose to be with someone who is similar to me in religious beliefs (or lack thereof). I'm not in the game to goof off - I'm 25, and I want to get cooking, here.

Like I said - I could deal with mild Christians who casually believe in the Bible or whatever, but I could never deal with someone who mentioned the stuff more than twice a week.

And since I'm looking to start a family at some point, I'm a little more serious about my search for a partner. I don't want someone who will impress their religious beliefs on my kids. That's ust a fuckfest waiting to happen.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Weird... I'm in the process of contemplating that very question... only I'm the Christian girl and he's the atheist boy. Looks like a bad idea to commit to this sort of thing eh?

Only life is so much more complicated than you can wrap up in a forum post.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Hydra

Weird... I'm in the process of contemplating that very question... only I'm the Christian girl and he's the atheist boy. Looks like a bad idea to commit to this sort of thing eh?

Only life is so much more complicated than you can wrap up in a forum post.

Why couldn't you just date, have a good time together, and not worry about it now?

I mean, unless you're looking for a lifetime partner kind of thing and KNOW it.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Actually Sass, I was referring to the general sense I'm getting from a lot of the non-religious posters in this thread, who seem to think that Christians have either somehow been brainwashed or they're just stupid. No one came right out and used the term "brainwashed" in this thread, but they might as well have. Examples:

Originally Posted by Tawnee

Sex just would mess up even more her mind.

Quote:

Arainach...even if they claim to be OK with it and don't question your lack of going to church, is it worth going through life not really able to tell her how the world works you feel on some topics because you know it would crush her?

I really wasn't directing my comments at you.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Don't convert to a religion against your will. If she says you must convert or you cannot date anymore, break up with the broad.

FELIPE NO

Everything's done. I'll try to never that another bitch like that, but sometimes it's way too hard.

pussy pussy pussy a-aha a-aha pussy pussy pussy that's what I want!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?