Why not to kill yourself

I have no personality, im boring
im fat
im in a foreign country where i meant to learn a language i dont know
i was just recently dumped by the love of my life becuase "im not a person"


What do I have to live for?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Making a new life for yourself.

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Yea, only you have the ability to change and make a better life for you. Killing yourself is pretty absolute, and you would regret it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Suicidal feelings now? Kind of ironic, given your nick...!

You have a super ego, so USE IT!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

superego refers to Sigmund froids id, ego, and superego model.

this is the story...

I've been in a case of unrequited love with this girl for the past few years. We would hang out every day, acted very affectionate towards each other, but remained friends...we had what I'd like to call, a "romantic" friendship. So on the side i've been trying to solve the puzzle at what i could have done to have gotten her to fall in love with me, or crush on me. Her best friend, who knew her inside out and had an iq of like 147, trained me. He told me things i did wrong, said he was pretty sure she liked me but wouldn't admit it yet, etc. around Christmas he says its not going to work, i flip out, go online and curse her out (very immature, i know, at the time i guess i was a little dumb). She "dissociates" all her feelings from me, so it's like she doesn't even know me, so for the next three month i beg for her forgiveness. I couldn't do it all day of course, so i would spend a lot of time with me friends, and to be honest had a great time. I started going to the gym, eating healthy....i was pretty stress free for the first time in awhile.

Then I took acid. My friends were all big druggies, not me so much, but one night i decided to take acid, i was going to use the drug to think about things in a way i normally couldn't. it was a terrible night, i sat in the corner of the room and just stared, i don't remember what i thought about and i don't remember much after that either. I know it was all about me and all negative. Something happened to me after I did acid, or so I believed, because for the first time in my life I was falling asleep at night without thinking about anything, people like my brother and my friends would tell me "you're jacked", which was something I never got before. I was also very quiet around my friends, something im usually not. I don't know how this happened, but the girl I liked for so long came back to me, not only that, but wanted to go out with me( i didn't know yet). She said she thought about me all the time blah blah, etc. I didn't really think about her that much and wasn't obsessed with her like I've been for years. When I heard stuff like this I told her straight out, ok, we can chill once in awhile if we are going to be friends again. And she was like...I can't have that. I asked her why not and she said she just wouldn't be able to deal with it. Little by little things happened, and one day I just said, kiss me, and she did. Then we went out for like 3 months. We did a lot of making out, but nothing more, and every day it seemed like she got a little farther away from me. About two months ago I knew it was coming to an end..she wouldn't even touch me, she barely talked to me, i was consumed. I told her " I know what's happening, let's just be friends, I can't take this pain". And she was like, I can't just go back to being friends. 5 days later she dumps me and has a hickey on her neck, that she got from a girl. She hid it from me too...Then she tells me things like, I was more of a person back then and she didn't trust me. So about a week after getting my heart, confidence, and mind, ripped apart by this girl, I'm on the plane headed to France, to learn French and study abroad with my dad's side of the family...who I've never really known or felt comfortable around. On the same note, I can't escape my mind, my insecurity, and the feeling that I was once an amazing person...amazing enough to make this girl really like me...because of a drug that temporarily altered my personality. Now I'm in France, can't talk to anyone, and if I were, what would it be about, myself? it's all I think about, I feel like my mind is a prison and I can't escape. I'd die to spend my day either not thinking, or thinking about something interesting, not questioning myself and my past.

-So did acid really change my personality, to allow this girl to like me?
-Did she like me because she came out of dissociation, felt closer to me than ever, and was rejected?
-Was I calm and relaxed because for the first time in years I wasn't thinking about her or what to do, and was just chilling with my friends and eating healthy with exercise? or was it acids doing?

I feel like my personality changed, became amazing because of this drug, amazing enough for her to go out with me and for me to be calm and get jacked, and then slowly the acid effect wore off and i became fat again and she didn't like me as much(i also wasn't working out and was eating junk food because i spent all my time with her). I fucking feel like acid made me into the person i ALWAYS wanted to be, then took it away...and if that's the case, living the way I used to again is way too painful.

So was it acid? or lack of this girl + friends + a healthy lifestyle. They both happened at the same time so i don't know.

I was speaking idiomatically.

It wasn't acid. You stopped being a fat, slovenly piece of shit so she liked you. Also, how old are you, like, 16? A girl isn't worth this crap. Grow up and get on with your life.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Darn. Do acid, get chicks...why hasn't anyone ever told me aboutt this?!

FELIPE NO

Because even that wouldn't help.

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I recommend reading this and growing a pair of these.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Doesn't fit my ideal standard? He's asking about killing himself over a girl. If that doesn't deserve a slap upside the head and a grow the fuck up, nothing does. Anyone who's been through anything even remotely resembling the real world knows that. Certain behaviours aren't acceptable and need to be corrected before someone hurts someone else with their bullshit.

I'm sorry you're too simplistic to understand that this sort of behaviour is infantile and stupid, and nothing but teen angst. But maybe you're around the same age bracket and haven't yet learned that Romeo and Juliet wasn't really about love, and that crying because your 3 month girlfriend left you, and considering killing yourself over it, is fucking childish. Grow the fuck up.

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Originally Posted by Denicalis

It wasn't acid. You stopped being a fat, slovenly piece of shit so she liked you. Also, how old are you, like, 16? A girl isn't worth this crap. Grow up and get on with your life.

Well yeah it's a teenage relationship, I'm only 18. The thing is, what makes you so sure it wasn't acid? That's my biggest problem, I feel like acid made me into an amazing person, and now I'm nothing at all.

and what's bothering me isn't necessarily that I'm not with her anymore...the relationship wasn't that good anyway. it's more of how paranoid about my own personality I've become, BECAUSE she dumped me.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by sUperEgo

Well yeah it's a teenage relationship, I'm only 18. The thing is, what makes you so sure it wasn't acid? That's my biggest problem, I feel like acid made me into an amazing person, and now I'm nothing at all.

Because I've taken acid a fair amount in my time, and I promise you, acid didn't get you into the gym. It might make you think in a different way (read some Huxley if you want some information on it) but it isn't going to make you motivated to change your life like that.

And seriously, get back in the gym and distance yourself from an obviously parasitic woman. You'll feel better. Hell, the current depression might even be your body telling you it wants the hormonal release of working out regularly again.


And Karasu, if you're the shining example of human, I'll pass. Not fond of your personal brand of idiocy, thanks.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

When youre older..dont date anyone under 25. Or while you're in college. Dating in college is nothing but distraction, and if you're an engineering major, pre-med, etc..it can murder your GPA.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Karasu

Way to avoid my points and discussion to pull a trolling one-liner outta your ass.

You want your points touched on? I don't cater to people who are obviously begging for pity. The entry screams about it. You know who doesn't bother asking why they should stay alive? People actually going to kill themselves. So shut the fuck up. And you want to know why I'm acting like I'm right? Because I am. Keep playing soft touch if you want, but your bullshit doesn't impress anyone.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Denicalis

Because I've taken acid a fair amount in my time, and I promise you, acid didn't get you into the gym. It might make you think in a different way (read some Huxley if you want some information on it) but it isn't going to make you motivated to change your life like that.

And seriously, get back in the gym and distance yourself from an obviously parasitic woman. You'll feel better. Hell, the current depression might even be your body telling you it wants the hormonal release of working out regularly again.


And Karasu, if you're the shining example of human, I'll pass. Not fond of your personal brand of idiocy, thanks.

That's what I'm saying!! What if acid made me think differently...not just during the trip but after too, and that appealed to this girl. But then the long term effects slowly started wearing off and I went back to "friend" mode because of that.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by sUperEgo

That's what I'm saying!! What if acid made me think differently...not just during the trip but after too, and that appealed to this girl. But then the long term effects slowly started wearing off and I went back to "friend" mode because of that.

And I'm telling you, that isn't how it works. Acid doesn't change your personality. And even if it did, then she clearly doesn't like -you- so you should move the fuck on. You know what I see in your situation? Whenever you really want her, she loses interest. When did she come around? When you weren't paying attention to her and had an actual life. Then when you went back to worshiping the ground she walks on, she got bored with you and split. Do the math.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

No. You're just using something as a crutch and that's going to hurt you far more than it could ever help you.

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Originally Posted by sUperEgo

So was it acid? or lack of this girl + friends + a healthy lifestyle. They both happened at the same time so i don't know.

WHAT?!

Alright, I didn't even read your little sob story. I skipped right down to this question, and I can't believe you actually asked it. "Durr, is drugs good?" Psycadelic drugs can be amusing, for a time. But a good lifestyle, better friends, and a great girl are definitly the equation that equal success. Though I get the feeling that instead of answering that for you, someone just needs to smack some sense into you.

Honestly, 18? You haven't even started your life yet, why the hell would you end it? There's too much angst in here for me, get over it, put down the chips, and move on with your life

Edit: Karasou, you know, you've come in here to specifically target Deni while at the same time completely ignore the question asked by our poor little boy here. I'd say you're the one trolling, so get the fuck out already. Asshole.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Denicalis

And I'm telling you, that isn't how it works. Acid doesn't change your personality. And even if it did, then she clearly doesn't like -you- so you should move the fuck on. You know what I see in your situation? Whenever you really want her, she loses interest. When did she come around? When you weren't paying attention to her and had an actual life. Then when you went back to worshiping the ground she walks on, she got bored with you and split. Do the math.

I love you.

That's what I wanted to believe but couldn't....I had this terrible feeling like acid did something to me that lasted beyond the trip.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by sUperEgo

I love you.

That's what I wanted to believe but couldn't....I had this terrible feeling like acid did something to me that lasted beyond the trip.

No, the acid had nothing to do with it. What you did was move on with your life and stop obsessing. The girl probably doesn't like that sort of attention, or she's just the masochistic type who doesn't like the boys who like her back. There are tons of them. I really think you should just take some time, grieve, and get over the chick. She clearly wants something else, so it's time for you to move on.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Well, the point of acid really is to alter psychological function. With that in mind, its a lot easier to become aware of how it may affect you. I would advise you against taking it in the future as it doesn't seem to be helping you.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Acid doesn't ruin peoples lives, neither does alcohol, cannabis, ecstasy or any of the other myriad of drugs. Addiction is what ruins peoples live.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Totally depends on the person and their willpower. Saying as a fact that it will ruin your life is dumb, saying that it CAN is much more accurate. Plenty of people know the risks and can deal with it just fine. This person obviously isn't one of them though if he thinks it made him a better person just for taking it.

(Nice to see so many people on the same page anyway.)

FELIPE NO

I don't think Smelnick is talking about your case Deni. Acid is not for everyone. You know that. Only the strong willed and psychologically balanced need apply.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

So that's like.. what? 1% of the world's population?

Jam it back in, in the dark.