Love Triangle Problems

Yes, I am part of the cruel 3 sided fate of a Love triangle. However I need some advice. First off, I'm a person of values, so when I found out that one of my friends was not only dating another one of my friends, but a girl that I have been trying to go out with (just never found the right time to ask her, she seemed to switch from her previous boyfriend to my friend Without me knowing). Let's call the guy Chuck and the girl Artemesia (Art for short).

Art has always been my friend ever since she started High school (I was a senior at the time she was a freshman), this is because we had a few classes together and shared a lot of the same interests. I tried asking her out at one point and she said she already had a boyfriend. They both went to different schools so I didn't expect it to last. So what I did is that I became friends with her and told her that if she ever needed someone to talk to, never fear to call me. Hell I even told her that if she ever wanted to go out for coffee that I'm always there.

Chuck has been one of my best friends ever since I noticed his interests coincide with mine. He's a great guy and he is a little eccentric but I've always found him to be a nice guy. He isn't as good at video games but he likes to try and I always go easy on him. However, he started dating Art when she broke up and I never knew it until he told me one day. Suffice to say, I was a little upset because I've always had some feelings for her but being a man of my statutes, I wished them the best of luck.

Over the months, Art, Chuck, and I started hanging out more and more. I found out that Chuck and Art were quite a couple and I decided to somewhat give up and just remain friends with her. Well recently, Art went to visit her father and when she came back, she broke up with Chuck (I don't know why but I hope to find out soon). He said that she was different when she came back and she did say that it wasn't the best vacation. Well what happened is that earlier tonight, she called me and was a little distressed. Well, what it came down to is that she wants to redeem that Coffee offer I gave her. Which is hopefully how I'm going to find out what happened.

I told my friend that I wouldn't do anything, but I don't know, she is a great person and I would love to go out with her some time. However, I don't know what to do at the time. Thus I ask for help.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Fuck Chuck. He screwed up. Not your fault. You won't do anything this very second maybe but that shouldn't mean you've closed your doors. Honestly Chuck can eat a dick if he wants to hold your friendship on the line because he messed up. Sure, there's no need to be malicious to him up front but if something develops and he decides to butt in calling foul on you just ask him where the hell he was in his "get back Art" plan the past few weeks or whatever time it's been.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

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I thought this would be appropriate for this thread.

6 months is a bit much though...depending on how good of a friend he is, one or two should be fine.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Did Chuck know how you felt? If so I see no reason to worry about going out with this girl. I'd say go out for that coffee either way. It doesn't have to escalate into anything since it might be a friendly gesture on her part anyway, but at least you can get a clearer view of the situation and find out where the boundaries are.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Wow, you are like super considerate to this Chuck guy. From the perspective of Chuck I would have to say that you are the best friend ever. However from your side--do you know how heartbroken Chuck is over this whole thing? Like would he be really pissed off if you dated her, or if he saw her with you all the time?

Other than that in my humble opinion/experience, I think you shouldn't worry about Chuck THAT much. I do really appreciate the fact that you are an awesome friend though, far better than I ever would be!

EDIT: Yeah also as Bernard Black said--you should at least hear her side of the story and like, what's going on. Even if you just remain friends it's going to be hard to juggle the two, at least that's been my experience.

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This girl wants to meet you for coffee, having been involved with your mate for a while and you've asked her out in the past and she wanted to be friends right?

Mate, that ain't a love triangle. You told her you'd always be there to chat and she's taking you up on that offer. I'm willing to bet real money that she has no intention of becoming your girlfriend whatsoever and is just using you for companionship until she gets back together with Chuck. She knows you like her already (Because you told her, schoolboy error right there) so she knows she has to make no effort at all to keep your attention.

If you honestly think this is your chance to get with her you're going to be really dissapointed when she's going out with someone else, probably Chuck again, in a few weeks time.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

First and foremost: Go have coffee with the girl. Listen to whats up. Don't worry so much about asking her out or anything right now, but listen, respond, maybe give her a bit of advice (nothing malicious; be sincere but honest) and comfort her a bit if you want. Don't overdo it or she might take advantage of it, but I bet you knew that already. You want to be a friend first; to show her she can trust you and that you trust her, even in times of great distress.

Come to think of it, I definitely wouldn't ask her out on this coffee adventure. She might take that as taking advantage of her situation, which would more than likely end in disaster. Find out whats up, find out if Chuck is even in the equation anymore.

I'm curious as to the whole story. I'm kind of in a similar situation myself, but a little less complicated.

Last but not least: If she says that Chuck is no longer in the picture, don't tell him. Encourage her to tell him herself. IT all seems like common sense but you'd be surprised how many freaking people I see do this.

FELIPE NO

Well I talked to her again on Ragnarok today. She seemed less distressed and I know that Chuck and Art haven't gotten back together yet because he would have bragged the instant he logged on. We talked for a bit and I found out that she still has one of my old stories from when I first met her (Something from creative writing class so I can't remember what it is [I'll find out on that little coffee trip]). Oh and shin, I'll tell you right now that she isn't as manipulative as some of the women that you have dated in the past. Yes not all women are bitches that are only trying to gouge the hearts of men, there are a few out there that are really kind. She is one of them.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by Dekoa

Well I talked to her again on Ragnarok today. She seemed less distressed and I know that Chuck and Art haven't gotten back together yet because he would have bragged the instant he logged on. We talked for a bit and I found out that she still has one of my old stories from when I first met her (Something from creative writing class so I can't remember what it is [I'll find out on that little coffee trip]). Oh and shin, I'll tell you right now that she isn't as manipulative as some of the women that you have dated in the past. Yes not all women are bitches that are only trying to gouge the hearts of men, there are a few out there that are really kind. She is one of them.

If that's what you really think, you're going to live a very frustrated life. I'm not saying that women are all manipulative or bitches, far from it. What I'm saying is that no woman will ever enter into a relationship with someone they already consider a friend, especially once you're such close friends as you're implying here. It's just the way of the world, I'm sure they don't even realise they're doing it half the time.

I'm not saying this from the point of view of someone who's been hurt by women because I haven't. I'm saying it from the point of view of someone who's very good at pulling women, be that for a relationship or more often, just to get them into bed. Where's Deni? I know he'll agree with me on this one.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I understand what you are saying Shin and I appreciate it, it's just that I don't think that is the case here.

I talked to her again today and she said that she had a dream in which my sisters (I'm an only child BTW) kept bugging me to go out on a date with her. I just don't know what will happen. But everything should be resolved in 2 days time.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Sounds like she's on the rebound and wants someone to talk to and take her out. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I'd have coffee with her, but you really should do everything in your power to jump that friendship line, and the sooner the better. I disagree that girls will never like a guy who they've defined as a friend, but it happens so rarely it's depressing (for the guy waiting for it to happen, of course).

Try holding her hand or something and see how that goes over, or maybe just let her talk and then ask her sometime before the coffee date ends if she would like to go on a real date with you next weekend.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Or just get her pissed, ply her with drugs and take her home for a good seeing to. Works at least 9 times out of 10.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

You're betting off letting her know you're not just clinging on to her because you're not actually a nice guy but were waiting for a chance to get into her pants. Not necessarily in that blunt of a manner, but let it be known now instead of after she's rebounded from you and ready to go back to your buddy.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Well I met her today and we went to get Coffee. Books a Million was the perfect place to go. SO I got the coffee, and we talked alot. SHe didn't want to talk about the reason for breaking up with chuck what so ever, it was odd. Still we talked, I got her a book and helped her out with a few things. Afterwards though, I went and visited chuck at his workplace and told him that I'm not pulling any more punches. Truthfully I don't know if she'll get back together with Chuck.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Been over two weeks since your last post on this matter. Has anything happened? I mean, it's been a little while since her break-up with Chuck. I know such things can't be rushed (a lot), but I hope you've at least let your intentions be known to Art by now. I'd hate to think that you're only rebound fodder to her. I'm guessing she might have recovered a bit from her break-up with Chuck by now, considering their relationship didn't seem to be very lasting (I'm making assumptions from your "over the months" statement), and especially if she broke it off. If you guys are still hanging out by this point, she might have genuine interest, but it won't last forever. So, any updates?

FELIPE NO