Death

Since my mom death a year ago. (my dad also died 12 years ago). It's still hard for me to cope so I would like to also hear how everyone here coped with death, any kind of it. (Even an animal.) ...and I would like to hear from others how they think they would have coped.

Pls. help.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I have had human family members pass away, but none that I was particually attached to (great-grandparents, great-uncle)

My biggest losses have been my two cats, I had them since I was 5. Snowball died when I was 17, and Cuddles was put down a few months ago due to illness, he was 18.

Snowball's death was the hardest, I did not eat or sleep for a while, and wore black for a month. I did not have many friends, so his death was a real blow. Talking about him helped though, about the good times and knowing that he is looking over me.

My mom took Cuddles' death harder then me, I live in a different town, so he became my mom's cat, I could not take him with me due to his age. I had closeure with Cuddles, because I was the last person he saw a heard, and I was able to say goodbye. Snowball died in his sleep at the vet while I was home.

I still feel Cuddles' presence, my current cat Tubby went missing and Cuddles came to me in a dream and led me to a blue-grey house. Tubby was found a few weeks later hiding behind a house of the same color. It made me feel real good to still have that connection with him.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I've never actually experienced much in the way of death or loss. Friends of the family have died before. But that was way back when I was little. Wasn't allowed to go to the funeral. I've had numerous pets die in my 20 years. I think the worse one was when my cat named Trouble died. At that time, we had like 26 farm cats, but there was this one grey one that I became attached too. He was super cool, and really rambuncious.(how's that spelled?). Anyhow, I loved him. I would sneak him in the house all the time too. Unfortuneatly, one day, before he was even 2 years old, he got into trouble again, he decided to knock over a container of car polish or something, and mistaking it for something to drink, he drank some. We found him dead in a puddle of car polish the next day. It was rather sad. Especially considering how young I was at the time. I didn't take the news so well. That was the only pet I've ever really felt sad about. I know for a fact, when my dog dies, I'll be pretty sad.

As for how I would cope, I guess I can't really offer that much advice. I guess not becoming reclusive would be a good idea. For a little while isn't bad. But don't stop your life. Take some time to grieve and then get on with your life. Continue going out with friends if you have any, and keep going to your job. Otherwise you'll kick yourself for ruining what you had.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I posted in another thread that my dad died. Actually he was found shot in the head behind a school in E. St. Louis. He was always a shady character and I hated his Super Fly lifestyle (Drugs+Sex+Crime). I saw his body, put him in the ground and spent a few years being mad that he wasn't around so I could grapple with him on matters of life. When I was young I feared him but as I got older the fear turned to anger with the thought that one day "he will see..." Like Vader & Luke from Star Wars.

Anyway the day never came and as time passed I got over my anger and just wanted to connect in a meaningful way. He would have loved Golden Eye since he was a Bond fan.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

The people I knew who have died were people who I had lost touch with and never really was very close to (although on the whole I had a lot of respect for them, even if I never said it). Considering how they were nowhere near as close as a parent could be, and also how I still feel about them when I think about them, I couldn't even begin to comprehend how it must feel to lose someone so close to you.

Everyone has their own way of coping with loss but one thing I would recommend is talking. Bottling things up will only make things worse. You just have to take it one day at a time. No one can promise you that it will all be better in the morning, but it will get better. If you can think of any way of honouring her memory, through any medium, it might help you to gain closure.

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I won't go into details, but I've been through a similar experience. Umm. I really don't know what to say that's going to fix anything. Except that one day, the first thought acknowledging that the worst is over will occur to you after having felt that way for a while. When that happens, I think you'll find it will be within your power to steer yourself away from unhappy thoughts. And you must be firm with yourself - you need to start reconstructing your life, catching up with where you should have been, staying away from self-pity and whatnots. Grief is something to do, and when it's over you should find things to fill the space that those thoughts used to occupy.

And be strong. Don't be emo about it. It sounds insensitive, I know, but I've been there. Emotions are useful - but when they're over, don't sustain the feeling, you're only being insincere and unhelpful to yourself. Also people you can talk endlessly about your thoughts without having to fear you're boring them or weirding them out are incredibly helpful, but not absolutely necessary. Just be sure to have some constructive outlet for your feelings.

Hope that helps.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Smelnick

Wasn't allowed to go to the funeral.

Why not?
My great-grandmother died when I was 7, I guess my parents wanted me to know a little more about death, and even encouraged me to touch her hand while she was in the casket. It didn't really have any effect on me.

None of my family have any fear of death, they just want to die before any of their other family members so that they won't have to grieve.

FELIPE NO

They gave me some excuse about it not being something for younger kids. I was really peeved. I wanted to pay respects to a woman, who although I had never met her, gave birth to the mother of my mother which resulted in me. Gotta have respect for that.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

remember that your mother and father came to this world not to die but to live and they were lucky enough to do that. so when people i care about die i dont think about their death to much just how much they lived their life and valueing the time you spent with them. when the people you love leave dont be so sad. im sure they wouldnt want you to be sad like this. when i die i wouldnt worrie so much about me. just the people that i leave behind making them sad. so chin up. talking helps alot. if you dont have anyone to. u can talk to this stranger.

Jam it back in, in the dark.