Really hard question

My girlfriend told her mom she was seeing me (she's 17, I'm 20). Her mom disapproves im sure, but isnt stopping her, and asked the question of "what would a grown man want with a girl who needs to be home at 11"

First off, I think its a little unfair to ask me to justify my feelings for someone else just because of age. I understand where she is comming from as a mom, but as an adult since im SO grown up in her eyes, I also understand that its wrong to dislike someone before actually talking to them. Ive met her as I have been her waiter at the resturant i work at, but never talked to her about liking her daughter.

What do I do? What do I say? Do I run away? How do you answer a question like that? I mean I kind of wonder if I give her a response she doesnt expect if she'd think twice? Is she asking to prove there is no good reason? Im not in dire need of an answer YET, as I'll bullshit my way out, but I want a really good answer.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

The truth comes to mind. Generally you can't go wrong when you tell the truth. If anything, her mother will respect you that much more if you're honest and open about it. First you gotta figure out, What do you want with this 17 year old. And then, don't just try and come up with an answer you think the mother will like, come up with the honest answer. Things work out so much better when you're honest.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Coming from the mother's perspective, I have to tell you that is definitely a fair question.

My daughter is dating a man who is much older than she is, and that's the first thing I asked her. It does seem that an emotionally healthy grown man would want to date someone who is at least in the same realm maturity-wise. Like I told my daughter, it's a red flag. I believe that any man who would date a little girl is either a pedophile or a guy who wants someone he can easily control.

Your case is a little different, since there's only a 3-year age difference. That said, however, there's a huge maturity difference between a 17 and a 20 year old.

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Originally Posted by Alice

Coming from the mother's perspective, I have to tell you that is definitely a fair question.

I believe that any man who would date a little girl is either a pedophile or a guy who wants someone he can easily control.
Your case is a little different, since there's only a 3-year age difference. That said, however, there's a huge maturity difference between a 17 and a 20 year old.

Generally speaking, there SHOULD be a maturity difference, but it doesn`t have to be that way. One part might be mature for his/her age or vice versa. It all depends, really. I mean, come on, how old are your parents? It`s actually pretty normal for the man to be older than the woman in a relationship. Why? Because, generally speaking, women are more mature.

That said, I can clearly see what Alice wants to say and that it`s a whole different matter if you`re, say, 17 and 14 than if you`re 30 and 35. I`m just saying that it works out some times. I for one wouldn`t declare a 20 year old who dates a 17 year old a pedophile, but I wouldn`t think twice if she was a couple of years younger.

As for the advice: What can I say? What is it that you like about this girl? If it`s all physical, then you should probably think about the relationship a bit before you go any further. Maybe her mom is right? Otherwise, I suggest you talk to her mom about it and tell her why you want to be with her daughter.

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