Hilarious Chinese Dubbing (Someone translate for me)

I don't know Cantonese but it just sounds hilarious. =X

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Jam it back in, in the dark.

Before anyone misunderstands, these are parodies, not actual dubs. (No, I don't understand Cantonese).

Then again Cantonese makes anything funny.

How ya doing, buddy?

That's pretty hilarious XD. My Cantonese sucks but I was able to understand some of the stuff they were saying. It's funny how none of what they say has anything to do with the story. For instance, the old woman from the first video gets into an argument over where she should puke and the girl from the second video keeps mentioning that she hasn't brushed her teeth in ten days.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I love the WAHHHHHHHHHH. XD

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

lol, yeah it is a parody but there have been chinese dubs over disney movies that aren't half bad, they even do the songs in cantonese.

For the first clip
They talk about chinatown for a bit and Cinderella's pissed at some guy.
Then with the faerie godmother it starts off with Cinderella asking to become pretty and the godmother is like "In your dreams, hahahahaha" yeah I stopped watching after that

lol I decided to watch the second one, here's the translation:

Belle: Kick your lungs (it's a Cantonese swear word, so I just directly translated it) why is it so dark in here? Anyone here?
Belle's dad: Belle?
Candle guy: Eh? Older sister?
Belle: Dad?
Dad: Quickly, get me out of here.
Belle: Like hell I will (directly translated would be If I listened to you I'd be crazy) I should leave by myself.
Dad: How come your mouth smells so much worse?
Belle: I haven't brushed my teeth for 10 days!
Dad: Telling me that is no use, we don't have toothpaste here.
Belle: Then why'd you tell me.
Beast: Rawr
Belle: What's going on? A movie shoot?
Beast: Shoot your life. (Can't really be translated because it's just one of those reversal insults)
Belle: Don't screw me. If you're going to screw anyone, just screw my dad.
Beast: There's nothing good about your dad to screw.
Belle: I don't have anything for you to screw either. Just smell my breath.
Beast: Man it does really stink. Almost couldn't breathe
Belle: If you let me go, I'll treat you to some food...5 chickens!
Beast: Huh?
Belle: Umm...at most I'll also give you a roast pig.
Beast: So little? You said add a roast pig...?
Dad: Don't do it Belle! It's really expensive!
Belle: It's really exquisite, the best type!
Beast: That's what you want! You have to add on two nice roast geese!
Belle: Can you really eat that much?...Ahhh!
Dad: He can really eat, he'll eat till you're bankrupt!
Belle: Okay, then I'll sell dad...
Beast: Okay.
Dad: No, don't sell dad, dad's really miserable
Belle: Get out of here.
Dad: Belle!
Belle: Byebye!
Dad: Please let me go!
Beast: Shut up or I'll castrate you! Take him to be sold at "big cargo?" (I don't know, maybe it's slang for gay parlor or something) Don't sell me to big cargo, I want to go to China town....
Belle: Sob
Candle: Master...
Beast: What?
Candle: You know...you can't finish a whole roast pig by yourself...can you spare me a pork finger or something to suck on, better than wasting stuff...
Beast: Grunt.
Candle: I smell worse than a craphole (don't ask, I don't understand why they put in this line)
Belle: Don't come over here, I havent burshed my teeth for 10 days, my breath is worse than yours!
Beast: I'll take you to brush your teeth.
Belle: Brushing my teeth? You have toothpaste?
Beast: Any flavor you want. Follow me.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Guess i'll translate the first one.....

Starting with the faerie, that's when it gets funny.

Cindy: But later, i'm meeting some. How about you make me prettier?

G.Mamma: In your dreams. AHAHA Why are you taking out that frog? Pushing me? (IDK, living in arizona i'm kinda removed from idioms) O.K. I let you persuade me, you are tall and beutiful. i'll take care of it i'll change your dress. Trust me, tonight your boy is gonna drool (Magic words).

Cindy: Wow, I'm really sexy. Can you believe I'm this sexy? (Pointing at her toe) You wanna suck that huh? I'm really beatiful, really beatiful .....

G.Mamma: That's enough, don't talk anymore. You keep talking and i'm going to throw up. And once i start, i'm going to do it for a long time (lah). You don't want me to throw up here do you?

Cindy: Vomit? off to the side.

G.Mamma: Lalala. Listen up, i'm not kidding. When it's time for me to throw up NOBODY can stop me. Everybody around me will INSTANTLY die.

Cindy: Whatever, you're annoying. If you want to throw up, then go die off to a corner and do so.

G.Mamma: I'll remember you....

Prince Charming Part.

Cindy: Ah! It's 12.

Prince: 12?

Cindy: I have to go.

Prince: You have to go? You can't leave yet.

Cindy: See you.

Prince: Miss if you want to leave, pay the bill first.

Cindy: Let me leave, i don't have any money.

Prince: No money?

Cindy: Even though I'm sexy, I'm poor.

Prince: Poor? Than why did you

(bell)

Cindy: Bye bye lah

Prince: MISS! Don't leave yet, stand right there. I was with you all night, don't you have to pay? Don't move you bitch.

Cindy: That's it for now.

Prince: Stand right there.

Hoes: What's going on?

Cindy: Ah!

Monocle guy: Bitch pay. Quit messing around, quit running.

Midget: Lets go lets go lets go! You've played now let's split.

Monocle guy: Stand there stand there. Close the main gate. She didn't pay. Chase after the bitch. get the money!

Narrator: Now everybody remember grey maiden's true face.

How ya doing, buddy?

I didn't actually think it was funny at first. I was thinking to myself "They're just talking in Chinese"...and then the Fairy Godmother started talking. I busted out laughing from then on.

FELIPE NO

Living in Vancouver for years has generally hardened me to what these Cantonese-speakers sound like. Too much exposure.

But still, I can't resist laughing when I remember how they speak when I'm mostly with myself or with friends talking.

So yeah, still funny. Kinda weird but works miraculously

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?