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Recovering Old Friendships After A Nasty Bombing
So here's the problem. I have more than one friend now who happened to have a pretty good friendship for a while.. until that asshole, love, came in and screwed it up. The girl falls for the guy, the guy says "no, thanks" and they stop talking. Just like that. Literally, the very next day, they are like complete strangers to another, just another student in the school.
Sadly, they haven't made contact at all for... I'd say for 1-2 years now? One of the girls tried to talk to the guy right after that little incident, and he just ignored her. Now, the guys aren't bad people, obviously something had to click if they were friends before. So a year or two after countless awkward "stare+quickly look away"s and uneasy-silence-when-they're-in-the-vicinity-of-eachother is getting a bit ridiculous. They were friends once, and they toss it away because of that single little obstacle? Now I'm trying to get the two girls to be friends with the two guys again. Any advice on how to tackle this or help them on what to say? Greatly appreciate it! Jam it back in, in the dark.
Last edited by Pill; Jan 9, 2007 at 01:57 AM.
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Too much variable here. All depends on the maturity of the individual(s). Not to mention it's not a single little obstacle to one of them, in fact it's actually a huge barrier.
But in general, from experience, when love goes sour or unrecipricated, there ain't no way to make it right. YOU WILL HAVE BETTER LUCK PROVING STRING THOERY IS REAL than to deal with this kind of topic. GLHFGGNORE There's nowhere I can't reach. |
If the expectation of a relationship (or hope) is gone and thats all it was, then there's no real point of talking - or thats that's the extremely immature aspect of it. But the guy stopped talking to the girl, you say - which is particularly interesting. Is it an angry thing, or just an avoidant thing? How ya doing, buddy? |
I'm also a little confused about the number of people involved here because you switch from plural to singular pretty much without warning. It's "two girls and two guys" and one point, but then there's you, and also but did the break happen between all four (five?) of you or just the two "lovers"? I guess if you really wanted you could try to talk to them seperately and reason with them, or at least find out why they started to be so cold to eachother. Perhaps something happened that you don't know about. I guess you should try not to be too impatient about it, and just slowly work your way through their layers of defence. If there really is nothing to their ignoring eachother, then they will eventually realise this, though I don't think it'll ever be the same after such a long time. Anyway, they're not talking and it doesn't look like it's gonna change, so why not just not put them together in a situation that you know will be awkward? How ya doing, buddy? |
sleep it off |
it won't happen. if the guys (and girls) were really mature about the situation, they would brush it off like nothing happened, and resume the friendship. the friendship must have been reasonably flimsy if it faltered once one party had a crush on the other. i am going through a similar situation; a boy i once liked stopped talking to me a few months ago (the only contact he makes with me is to insult me, but i digress) after he told me that he liked me, despite the fact that the feelings were mutual. i've tried repairing things to a level where we can be social to each other, sadly it's not working.
I was speaking idiomatically. |
Moving to the Advice Column.
What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now? ![]() |
My advice would be to give them both straws.
So they can suck it up. FELIPE NO ![]() Posting without content since 2002. |
The TS master |
ok that was a little weird last response but with humor. honestly though I've seen this a lot. and a few of the members are right not much can be done about it. they have to talk it out themselves. I've seen it happen about 6-7 times in the last year and only one of those turned out to be alright even after the breakup. I find that unless one of them asks for help it's generally best to leave it be, if they want to try and patch things up good for them but those awkward moments will never go away if they stay apart. my advice, and this is merely my opinion, stay out until one or both of them are willing to talk about it. sometimes all it takes is one person to help out. but as I said before thats just my opinion.
What, you don't want my bikini-clad body? |
I tend to agree with everyone else. It's going to be pretty difficult to meld the bridge. In friendships attraction is natural, a crush will always follow from one side or the next. That's normal. If they understand that there would be no issues. Obviously, someone is embarrassed. If they want to try, maybe a group outing would break the ice. Hell who gives a damn? Tell them to get over themselves and quit acting like they're going to get their bones jumped. Take it as a compliment and knock off the shy...who's gonna look first...nonsense. Bringing it out on the table is pretty effective too.
Jam it back in, in the dark.
"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think" -
-- George Carlin |
I would have to agree with rocketdog, there are too much varibles and missing information for us to give good advices. I was in the same situation at some point of my life as well, where I fell in love with a good guy friend of mine. I told him how I felt and he rejected me. We stopped talking (since it was very awkward) for a couple of days (we work together, so we usually hang out almost everyday) until I told him I'd hate if we stop talking forever, he said he felt the same and now we are back to really good friends and I just treat him as an older brother (teaching him how to get girls now lol). But yeah maybe there are more to the story of why the guy(s?) won't even talk to the girl anymore and even ignore people who talk about the girl(s?).
There's nowhere I can't reach. |