I found a girl - there is a god! Or not?

Alright so I just met this girl. And I really like her. And yes, you bastards, she is a music talent

Anyway my problem is as follows. I love spending time with her but after further discussion with her I've recently discovered she kind of goes through guys like cake. The longest she's been without a boyfriend is 3 weeks according to her. This was a huge turn off.

Which makes me wonder. I FEEL like she genuinley likes me, but with a turnover rate like that, this girl is probably used to emotional attachment, detachment, and can't think very beyond a relationship just because she "likes the company". She even speaks of her "exs" with no problem, no change in expression, as if it doesn't bother her whatsoever - cold even.

Other characteristics of her:
+ very outgoing
+ always similing
+ a bit immature
+ divorced parents
+ troubled family

So... has anyone else undergone this scenario or this type of girl. If so, what execution did you follow? Should I try to be the one to "change" her ways, or should I just accept the fact she is a leech and not bother with her anymore?

:aargh: :aargh:

edit: Also she is asian. Just wanted to toss this in there so that cultural sterotypes also became variable in the equation.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Persons with a chaotic family life seem to be much more emotionally independent. They pretty much choose what they like and when as well.

It's not unusual that people who are always smiling actually have a dark and bitter life, but they've learn to cope with it, so they are smiling the heck out of themselves.

I don't think you can change her. Just have fun as long as possible.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

EDIT: Skip to the bottom of this post if you think it's too long, I tried to sum it up in my last paragraph.

Don't try to change someone. Ever. And don't let anyone ever try to change you.

The last THREE on your list make me more worried than her going through boyfriends like cake (even though most people I know don't really eat cake all that fast.) What do you mean by "a bit immature" exactly? Divorced parents are all the rage nowadays, eighty percent of all the girls I've ever known have had divorced parents, but it can still cause problems. And what do you mean by "troubled family" ...?

My advice would be to try not to dig yourself in too deep. Don't be like "hay i'm in a relationshit with you now, i will luv u for teh evars, also marry you" ... just take it as it comes, man. The biggest mistake people make in relationships is (correct me if I'm wrong on this) that you begin to EXPECT things and therefore take things for granted, and that causes a downward spiral from day one.

Instead of thinking of it like "wow she's so much fun but I dunno what she's gonna do to me, what if she breaks up with me" take control of your own life and think of it from this frame of reference: "I'm enjoying my life and look, hey, here's an attractive girl who wants to spend time with me. Okay, seems like we'd both enjoy each other's company, you can come along with me. If you leave, that's your problem, not mine, cause I was enjoying my life before you came along and I'll enjoy it after."

Do not focus or center your life around her. I don't mean be cold and distant, but don't er... well the classic way of saying it is "put the pussy on a pedestal." Women are to be respected, but if you worship them you're bound to be cast aside eventually.

Main point, in case you don't want to read all that: Show that you have your own life to live, and if it's interesting enough to her, she'll stay with you. Don't worry yourself over whether she'll stay with you or not, just be someone she'll want to stay with.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Rocketdog, go for it. So what if she's gone through lots of guys in the past? As was said on a famous Friends episode, it only has to work once...

My advice though, don't get too attached, either emotionally or physically, too soon.

My view on relationships: Each of us could match-up well with quite a few people, and have long, fulfilling relationships. The reason why it doesn't always work out is because we aren't willing to sacrifice for this other person (yet), and imo, successful relationships always include mutual respect and mutual sacrifice. Eventually we get to the point where we're ready to do what it takes for a relationship, and that's who we end up with (as long as they reciprocate).

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I've been with my current girlfriend for two years now. Prior to me, her longest relationship had lasted a month. It's all about meeting the right person, you see. Just try it out and if it doesn't work then it doesn't work.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Ayos

don't er... well the classic way of saying it is "put the pussy on a pedestal."

Exploding megathumbs up for that! Great movie.

Anyway, I'll throw in my two cents as well, Ayos and others did a great job already so I'll just add to what was said.

If she doesn't seem to care either way talking about her exes (provided these are "proper" relationships and not glorified one night stands), either she is a a bit of a bitch, or she has a way of hiding her true feelings.

It's possible that she mentions her exes because she thinks it indicates to you that she is "hot property". If so, it's manipulative behaviour. She is saying two things: 1) "many guys went before and weren't adequate, are you?", and 2) "if you do not satisfy me, you are easily replaced." Whatever her intentions, never give in to that temptation. If she wanted a puppy, she'd get one from the pet store, and if she wanted a slave, she'd be a settler in the 1800s.

Of course, the fact that she is "always smiling"... Nobody I've heard of is that happy, and I know some pretty happy people. In my experience people in broken homes often learn to hide their feelings and put on a brave face. Perhaps she is indicating that she's been with many men in a desperate attempt to make you stay longer than those other men. For what it's worth, I've never heard of an Asian girl that didn't want to get married.

Either way, don't let it get to you, that's the most important thing. I guarantee that she'll like you more if you're not another pussy that she can push around, no matter what kind of person she is. That shit's boring, and boring is the last thing you want to be.

(I agree that this should be in Angst Advice.)

EDIT: Don't get me wrong, I'm also saying you should stick with it (unless you find the relationship unbearable, but it doesn't sound like you do). As Dutch soccer expert Johan Cruijff once said: "the more you have the ball, the more likely you are to score a goal." =D

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by rocketdog

Alright so I just met this girl. And I really like her. And yes, you bastards, she is a music talent

Anyway my problem is as follows. I love spending time with her but after further discussion with her I've recently discovered she kind of goes through guys like cake. The longest she's been without a boyfriend is 3 weeks according to her. This was a huge turn off.

Which makes me wonder. I FEEL like she genuinley likes me, but with a turnover rate like that, this girl is probably used to emotional attachment, detachment, and can't think very beyond a relationship just because she "likes the company". She even speaks of her "exs" with no problem, no change in expression, as if it doesn't bother her whatsoever - cold even.

Other characteristics of her:
+ very outgoing
+ always similing
+ a bit immature
+ divorced parents
+ troubled family

These characteristics seem to me like "temporarily playmate" anyways.

She doesn't strike me (from what little I read) as a person who is looking for a longterm thing. She's trying her hand with men - which is cool. Just don't expect a girl like this to settle too easily.

If you're looking for something serious, I would say she's not serious material just based on what you're relaying.

FELIPE NO

You need to put her through LeHah's Test Of Worthiness

If you blow chunks in her lap and she stays, its love. Otherwise, shes a prude bitch.

However, the type of person you've described is incredibly generic of our general breeding ground. Happy asian girls are pretty common - you just have to remember that shes not a woman yet, so dont expect anything serious.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Whoopsies! Seems like we missed the right forum. Ta-da! There, remedied.

Anyway, how long have you guys been together? Because if it's only been a week and you're already thinking long-term, I think you're setting yourself up for a disappointment. Serious relationships don't happen on demand, you know; you make experiments, and once in a while it will "click". If it doesn't after several weeks, then better move away.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Pretty much echoing what everyone else has said. Don't expect too much from this relationship, just go with it as long as it lasts. There's no way of knowing if she will end up being a long-term girlfriend for you, because there's always a possibility, but don't dive in too fast.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Dude, nothing's a bigger turn-off for me than a girl who's into co-dependancy and over-attachment. I went out with this chick about a year ago, and she kinda fit your description pretty well. A bit immature, always smilin', divorced parents, fucked-up family, the whole deal. Part Native American, though, no Asian blood (as though that's relevant). I hooked up with her about a month after she ditched this real head-case who was fuckin' her around six ways from Sunday. Real scum-sucker, this guy. Treated her like dirt. So I get to play the hero and rescue the damsel in distress, right? Sure, whatever.

She was an open book, man. 100% honesty right from day one. It was cool, at first. I mean, knowin' who you're gettin' involved with right from day one? Pretty sweet, right? I know better now. I was number... ten? Somethin' like that, and you better believe I knew every intimate detail of the previous nine. We were in love, or so I thought, so I put up with it. She was so whimsical and playful and happy most of the time, it was like datin' a fuckin' anime character, man!

Shit changed. I pieced together that she had a history of dating project guys and trying to change them into her model of the perfect male specimen. It also occurred to me that it wasn't honesty that made her tell me about all her exes, more like routine, like she was used to givin' her whole life story on a somewhat regular basis. She'd spend every minute with me, whether I wanted it or not. She'd get offended when I would rather write or practice keyboard or guitar than hang out with her. It's not like we didn't see eachother often, we fuckin' lived together (well, to be fair, that was a huge fuckin' mistake for a near-infinite number of reasons, but that's another story for another time). Co-dependancy up the yin-yang, bro, it wasn't pretty.

My advice? Just go with it, dude, and see where it takes you. Have fun and keep your mind in the present. You honestly barely know the girl, so just take your time and get to know her before you start thinking long-term.

Also, Ayos's post deserves a full read, because he's absolutely right and I couldn't have stated it better myself (athough I did try :P).

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I find with girls that have a high turnover, you have to much more patient if you want it to last. Women who go through men have a lack of self discipline in many cases. They push too far too quickly and bore themselves out of the relationship. This seems to happen often when the women is unsure with what she wants and decides that trying many different people may just somehow find the right one quickly. All relationships must build slowly, unless, you realize early, that it isn't going to work... but you can't know for sure if you just jump into things at full speed.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

I find with girls that have a high turnover...

Stop right there.

If you meet a girl with a "high turnover" rate and you're looking for more than just play fucking, you deserve to get burned.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by LeHah

If you meet a girl with a "high turnover" rate and you're looking for more than just play fucking, you deserve to get burned.

In many cases, yes. But there is the odd occasion where patience and self discipline can change a person's perception and attitude, especially with older women (ages 22 to 25) who want to stop being that way.

How ya doing, buddy?

Thank you all for our sometimes wise advice

The trailing theme I notice is that I need to take my time, and I guess you guys are more than right.

My last relationship was a very serious one, and since we broke up more than a year ago I have always viewed all encounters with girls since as "long term investments". Not to mention my past relationship moved so fast, probably because we were so young (18) that I'm used to quick motion - I've forgotten what the chase is all about.

My mind is a little more calm now, and I've only known her for 1 week now. Despite the fact we've been cuddling almost every night and sleeping together (no bases broken) I'm going to tread softly on this one and TAKE MY TIME.

To sum it up I guess I've learned from responses and general concensus, that the moral of the story is serious relationships do indeed take time and patience, two things I currently lack, but will adapt to.

SUCH WISDOM IN THE FORUMS

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by rocketdog

My mind is a little more calm now, and I've only known her for 1 week now. Despite the fact we've been cuddling almost every night and sleeping together (no bases broken) I'm going to tread softly on this one and TAKE MY TIME.

Cuddling, sleeping together, and having little-to-no-intimate contact (or romantic) only encourages cuddle-buddying and "I only want to be your friend" behavior.

While I understand you want to take your time, don't get TOO comfy. Just because you do these things does not guarantee your success. In fact, you're probably giving her exactly what she wants. =/

fucking cuddle whores UGH.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Keep in mind that while you need to not jump in headfirst emotionally, you also cannot come across as timid or hesitant when it comes to anything, be it physicality or anything else. As Sass said, just cuddling and sleeping together with NO BASES BROKEN only encourages cuddle-buddying. Take control, and at least kiss her. And if she seems to like it, tease her with it, don't just make out with her til she gets tired of it. She'll want more if you don't make it accessible to her every time she wants it. Two steps forward, one step back.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Point well taken. I will probably try to kiss her today. I'm not a fan of cuddle-buddying. Fuck that.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by rocketdog

I will probably try to kiss her today.

Oh god, this is not going to go over well.

Women smell that shit from afar. Mice don't enter a house if they smell a cat, girls (mind you - girls, not SLUTS) won't go near you if you have that thought in your head.

Just let it happen, man. Don't set out to DO SOMETHING today. She's going to sense theres an ulterior motive, be it "Ill try to kiss her" or "Im gonna whip it out".

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

no, do not try to change her ways, more times than not, if you try to change a person to the way you want them to be, then it's going to end, badly. as for the emotionally independent type, that's absolutely right. but at the same time, she could be a total opposite and be the emotionally clingy type, the kind looking for someone never to leave or let go. long but short answer, take it slow, and let her know how you feel, the rest will come with time. don't try to rush anything

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by LeHah

Oh god, this is not going to go over well.

Women smell that shit from afar. Mice don't enter a house if they smell a cat, girls (mind you - girls, not SLUTS) won't go near you if you have that thought in your head.

Just let it happen, man. Don't set out to DO SOMETHING today. She's going to sense theres an ulterior motive, be it "Ill try to kiss her" or "Im gonna whip it out".

I disagree. I am betting she'll let it happen - in an awkward way. She likes the spotlight, this one. Which is fine, but I have a feeling she may be intentionally playing with our friend rocketdog. And thats not very nice. But I could be wrong - she just may enjoy being LIKED a whole lot. =/

I was speaking idiomatically.

at least she was honest about her past relationships, so it's not like she just wants to use you for three weeks...

I don't know much about this kind of thing though, so...

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I disagree. I am betting she'll let it happen

Because she's a slut, not a girl.

Originally Posted by mindOverMatter

at least she was honest about her past relationships, so it's not like she just wants to use you for three weeks

Thats just bait to reel him in. In fishing, trolling is where you put your boat at a slow speed and let the line run freely behind the boat to make the bait or lure look like a real fish. She's doing the same thing - pretending shes an honest and forthcoming girl.

Despite my problems with women, some of this shit I can see from miles away. I too have a serious problem attracting - and sometimes being attracted to - the "broken home bitches" and nothing good ever seems to come of it. However, put me in a room with "normal" girls and I'm Professor X.

FELIPE NO

OK.
So we kissed... had the obligatory make out session, etc. etc.
But now there is a new problem. I guess she has the reputation about being a player, and I too have the reputation about being a player on campus.

So we've been talking more and more, and now I just get the feeling we are just trying to "out-play" eachother. We constantly talk about how neither of us are putting emotion into our interaction, we are both indrectly trying to get eachother to admit that we "need" the other person, but we both constantly deny it and claim we are both so strong. But I KNOW (or think I know, maybe she is real good at putting on a show) she is putting emotion into it, and I know I am.

I feel like it's just turned into this huge battle of egos - a competition to see who can hurt the other seemingly emotionally untouchable person. Who breaks first?

This is downright retarded... but I can't seem to back off or else I lose!

I'm in college now - this is such childish bullshit.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by rocketdog

I too have the reputation about being a player on campus.

People that are players do not make posts on GFF asking how to get a girl.

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