funny pick-up lines

I think the title speaks for itself. I get a good laugh out of pick-up lines... Especially ones like these:

Are you a library book? 'Cause I'm checkin' you out!

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written alllll over you!

Let's go behind a rock pile and get a little bo(u)lder...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

*lick your finger, touch their clothes* How about we get out of these wet clothes and in to something a little more comfortable?

I want to rearrange the alphabet so I can put "u" and "i" together.

I used to know more than too many, but I forgot most of them.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Ah I love funny pickup lines. Not the cheesy ones, but the funny ones that guarentee a slap. Let's dive into my repertoire:

Roses are red, violets are blue,
(your name) wants to do the horizontal boogie with you!

Let's do some Maths, you and me, plue a bed, minus the clothes, divide your legs and lets multiply!

If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

Is there a keg in those pants? Cos I'd like to tap that ass!

And here's a txt message one a mate taught me:

Roses are red, stems are green,
I'm gonna fuck you, you're gonna scream,
The louder you scream, the harder I'll fuck,
So message me back and you'll be in luck!

How ya doing, buddy?

I actually heard my cousin using this one:

"Did it hurt?"

-"Did what hurt?"

"I'm asking. Did it HURT?"

-"What?"

"When you fell from the heavens."



I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Is that shirt felt?"

"No..."

"Do you want it to be?"

I was speaking idiomatically.

"I want to be your derivative so I can lie tangent to your curves."

lol, calculus pick-up lines

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Ohhh. Math pickup lines is it? =d

i = Ø when I am not with you

Your beauty defies real and complex analysis.

My love for you is like the derivative of a concave up function because it is always increasing. We're going to assume this concave up function resembles x^2 so that slopes is actually increasing.

You and I add up better than a Riemann sum

You've got more curves than a triple integral

I wish I was your problem set, because then I'd be really hard, and you'd be doing me on the desk.

I'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl.

You fascinate me more than the fundamental theorem of calculus

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Here are some more math related ones:

I want you to be my parabola so I can lay on your maximum point.

I wish I was sine squared and you were cosine squared so that together we could be one.

Can I plug my solution into your equation?

Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you

A bio one:

I want to be your DNA polymerase, that way I can unzip your genes.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Hey there, wouldn't it be rather interesting if you and I got to know each other and eventually fell in love and got married and had kids and on some cozy winter night by the fireplace we are telling our kids the story of how we first met and I would say --

Best pick-up line ever.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

C'mon you guys. I can't believe that nobodoy has said this yet -

"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It's because we all know it already

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

"Nice shoes, you wanna fuck?"

Another math pick up lines, but this one is for the ladies.

"I want to integrate your natural log."

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by xSummonerYUnax

Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you

This one made me lol.

Math pick-up lines are hilarious... nerdy mathy guys. <3.

You know what else is funny? Religious pick-up lines. "Hey, niiiiiice Bible..."

I was speaking idiomatically.

Law:

*Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
*Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
* Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
--------------------------------------------------
Here are some of the stupidest ones I've heard/read:
* If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
* Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
* Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
* Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
* Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers.
* By the way the light is hitting your eyes, I can see myself in them, and
damn, I look good!.
* Are you religious? Good, because I'm the answer to your prayers.
* Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
* Excuse me... do you speak Klingon?
* HEY!!!! Wanna go half on a baby?
* Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I was surfing on Wikipedia for Weird Al Yankovic and I came across to some of his lyrics for Wanna B Ur Lov.

* I like our skeletal structure, baby, you're an ectomorph no doubt
* Your face is real symmetrical, and your nostrils are so nice
* Girl, you smell like Fritos, that's why I'm giving you this hungry stare
* My love is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in
* I bet your outfit makes a lot of noise in the dryer
* Your eyes are even bluer than the water in my toilet
* Say, has anyone ever told you you've got Yugoslavian hands?
* I wanna be your Krakatoa, let my lava flow all over you
* I hope I'm not being forward, but do you mind if I chew on your butt?
* You must have fallen from heaven, that would explain how you messed up your face.
* Girl, you must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy

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This one time, me and this guy I didn't know jsut walked around Dunsborough yelling "FUCK YEAH SLUTS" at any girl we saw.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

"Don't you love the exactness of maths?"

This one’s not even cheesy –it’s just plain bad -what makes it worse is the guy who came up with it thinks it’s absolutely brilliant. I’m still scratching my head, but I think it’s supposed to appeal a certain kind of female. Use it and you’re guaranteed some sort of evil look.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by RABicle

This one time, me and this guy I didn't know jsut walked around Dunsborough yelling "FUCK YEAH SLUTS" at any girl we saw.

This is actually a fucking good pick up line. Girls don't like any of that coy, cheesy shit. They like it when men are direct and to the point.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

We played the pick-up game sometimes in my Filipino club in college. Here's a few of them (mostlycheesy, but well-executed):

*looks at shirt tag* "Just as I thought: made in heaven."

"Are you going back to your car... alone?"

"If you were a booger, I'd pick you."

"Do you have a little Filipino in you? Want to?"

"You must've fallen from heaven. Look at your face." (Okay, not a pick-up line. )

There was also a freaking hilarious pick-up on an episode of "How I Met Your Mother" with Neil Patrick Harris being awesome. Maybe I'll put it on YouTube or something and link to it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

From Robot Chicken:

"Are you from heaven? Because I've got an erection."

BEST. PICKUP LINE. EVER.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by WolfDemon

From Robot Chicken:

"Are you from heaven? Because I've got an erection."

BEST. PICKUP LINE. EVER.

LOL robot chicken rules that beats everything in this whole page.

quagmire walking up to 2 girls "I don't want to come between you...or do I."

I was speaking idiomatically.

(just found from: http://www.humorsphere.com/sms/funny_pick_up_lines.htm)

Dirty ones:

Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

Do you want to see something swell?

Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.

Have I seen you before? Oh, yeah, I remember - it was in the dictionary under the word FANBLEEDINGTASTIC!

Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street.

Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn".

If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?

If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.

Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.

Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

The word of the day is "legs." Let's say we head back to your place and spread the word.

You've been a bad, bad girl (boy). Now go to my room!

Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

"Can I have a picture of you?"
"Why?"
"I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas."

FELIPE NO

What about "You must be tired 'cause you've been running though my mind all night..."?

A response one from a radio show over here:
"Is that a ladder in your tights or is it the stairway to heaven?"
"Yes it is the stairway to heaven but I've already got an arse up there".

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I've seen this somewhere on the net before:

Is your father a terrorist? 'Cause you're da bomb!

Jam it back in, in the dark.