Revenge of the Sequel

Seeing posters for "Cinderella III" (when did they ever make a "Cinderella II"?) all over town got me to thinking of other movie sequels that should never be made:

"The Seventh Sense" - Cole Sear discovers that in addition to seeing dead people, he also sees-and talks to-dead animals as well. Watch the drama unfold as Cole teams up with his neighbor's dead parakeet Mr. Featherwick to solve a series of murders.

"Finding Nemo 2" - Nemo, now a rebellious teenager, has run away from home again, this time in search of a quick high and a slutty hogfish.

"King Kong 2" - In the 22nd century, a clone of the legendary ape Kong has been created by a power-hungry dictator. Augmented with cybernetic technology, the half ape/half machine will wreak untold havoc on the world unless Jack Black's head-in-a-jar can stop him.

Use some creativity; what other movie sequels should never exist?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" - Set two decades before the original trilogy, follow the adventures of young Anakin Skywalker as he dons his podracing helmet and sets a crash course with destiny!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Cellius

"Star Wars Episode I: The Phanom Menace" - Set two decades before the original trilogy, follow the adventures of young Anakin Skywalker as he dons his podracing helmet and sets a crash course with destiny!

Could never happen: it's too far-fetched and foolish!

The Perfect Storm of the Century - As weather systems collide across a peaceful village, the young apprentice seizes his role as a new demon: a plague hidden within flesh, whose torrential powers are only met by the fury of mother nature outside.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Schindler's List 2: The Revenge - Hitler rises from the grave as a Haitian voodoo doctor conjours up 20th century's most viled human. Zombie Hitler kills goes on a rampage to kill all family members related to Schindler and all surviving holocaust victims. The twist: It was the dog.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Battlefield Earth 2: Saturday Night Fever" - Now free from Psychlo control, Jonnie Goodboy must face a new kind of hardship: his crippling fear of dancing. Things really heat up when Terl manages to escape his prison and challenges Jonnie to a dance-off for control of Earth. Can Jonnie get funky in time to save humanity once again?

I was speaking idiomatically.

"Final Fantasy VII - Advent Children 2: Electric Boogaloo" - Sephiroth has been defeated, but there's a new threat on the horizon: Shinra land developers want to tear down Midgar for a new condo community, and the only way to stop them is with the power of Funk!

How ya doing, buddy?