What causes us to dance when there is no music?

A while back, about a year ago, my friend and I had a crush on this really 'perfect' girl [smart, attractive...etc]. What happened was i, being a nice but stupid friend, kindly let my friend ask her out. They were 'seeing each other' for about a week before it didn't work out. Afterwards i managed to become close to her as a friend and never really could bare myself to asking her out again in fear i might ruin our friendship. a year later i finally gained the courage to ask her out, she kindly declined because she was seeing someone else.

The main problem is this; the guy she is seeing is a cool guy, could be my brother almost, but the main thing is that every time i see them together i feel remorse and envy until i can clear the thought of them out of my mind. I ask of myself is it wrong for me to be angry when i so stupidly chose to not take the one chance to ask her out and create a friendly bond at which neither wants to destroy? I mean, it is hard not knowing how the other feels exactly but it is safe to say from my point of view it is not in my favor. I mean no disrespect when i say this but to me i honestly do not believe that her current boyfriend deserves someone like her, and though not saying i am perfect as well, it just saddens me to know that although they get along, i cannot fully see his true intentions...love is a stupid but addictive game, i quit one day and find myself rolling the dice for my turn the next...

any suggestions on what i should do besides the obvious, just get over her reason?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Dude, I thought someone else danced to no music...

I think the way you've placed her up on this pedestal is very unappealing. It's not like she's the be all and end all of relationships. Besides, it’s too much pressure for her.
It seems as if you probably screwed yourself becoming friends with her. Now she can use that excuse to stray from the suggestion of a relationship. Damn her! Well, what's more important to you? Preserving a friendship that will:

a) further your relationship and possibly open the gates to a romantic one
b) cause her to see you as a friend and only as a friend.

or pursuing a relationship that will:

a) probably end and you guys will try to keep the friendship together but it’s just too much damn baggage to carry around
b) probably never happen because the friendship label has already been established.

So yea, it’s pretty much up to what you want to salvage. As for suggestions... Don't waste time and contemplate "Should I... or should I not...?" You should tell her how you feel, that is, if you actually do feel that strongly for her. But talk to her as a person, not some kind of trophy that will finally bring you happiness.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Kazyl

Well, what's more important to you? Preserving a friendship that will:

a) further your relationship and possibly open the gates to a romantic one
b) cause her to see you as a friend and only as a friend.

Obviosuly further our relationship hoping to open the gates to romance

Originally Posted by Kazyl

or pursuing a relationship that will:

a) probably end and you guys will try to keep the friendship together but it’s just too much damn baggage to carry around
b) probably never happen because the friendship label has already been established.

I am sure with my luck i will manage to get B, although i am hoping none of these happen...

Originally Posted by Kazyl

So yea, it’s pretty much up to what you want to salvage. As for suggestions... Don't waste time and contemplate "Should I... or should I not...?" You should tell her how you feel, that is, if you actually do feel that strongly for her. But talk to her as a person, not some kind of trophy that will finally bring you happiness.

Well, i don't to begin with, i mean, she knows how i feel about her and when i talk to her i speak as though i am talking to a (close) friend. Sadly i do seem to comtimplate the what if's more than i should and am prone to bad self estime. I mean, it is not that i see her as a 'trophy' because women are people as well as men, i just see her as someone who happens to have all the qualities i like in a woman and she happens to be someone i know. Sorry if i came off like i saw her as a prize rather than a person.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Preserving a friendship or pursuing a relationship was the option, “a)” and “b)” were just possible outcomes. I apologize if that wasn’t clear.

It seems like she’s already preoccupied with her current relationship. Any further attempts to initiate a new one and she will probably resent you for being so persistent. I know you don’t want to hear it but just cool it and move on, at least right now. If she already knows how you feel and won’t reciprocate then she’s probably not interested, or ready, to be in a relationship with you. And don’t let her monopolize your thoughts simply because not much else can get done if your head is too preoccupied. Time will continue to progress whether or not you choose to acknowledge it.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Kazyl

Preserving a friendship or pursuing a relationship was the option, “a)” and “b)” were just possible outcomes. I apologize if that wasn’t clear.

It seems like she’s already preoccupied with her current relationship. Any further attempts to initiate a new one and she will probably resent you for being so persistent. I know you don’t want to hear it but just cool it and move on, at least right now. If she already knows how you feel and won’t reciprocate then she’s probably not interested, or ready, to be in a relationship with you. And don’t let her monopolize your thoughts simply because not much else can get done if your head is too preoccupied. Time will continue to progress whether or not you choose to acknowledge it.

Oh, i see, i guess i wasn't reading right :P i can see what you are saying and in honesty, it was alot better of an idea than i had thought of. I can see what you are saying and it is true that persistance is a terrible trait when used in the bad way and calming myself (cool down) hopefully will split the monopoly going on in my thoughts.
Thank you for the helpful insight!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Topics similar to this come up pretty often here and my answer is always the same.

Anyone who goes through life being too much of a pussy to ask a girl out and settles for "Just being friends" is destined to get overlooked in favour of more proactive types their entire life.

That played out excuse "I didn't want to ruin the friendship" is fucking bollocks anyway. If you ask her out, the worst that could happen is she'd say no, things would be a little awkward for a month tops and then she might even come round to the idea once she knows how you feel. If you keep quiet then she'll never know you fancy her so will never consider the idea of going out with you. Eventually she'll meet someone else, you'll get jealous, she'll pick up on that and your friendship will be down the toilet anyway.

In short, give up on this girl, you lost her when you "Became just good friends" and you'll never, ever get her now. For future reference though, stop being such a pansy, grow some self-respect and next time you like a girl, tell her for fucks sake.

It's hardly rocket science.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Quote:

That played out excuse "I didn't want to ruin the friendship" is fucking bollocks anyway.

It's definetly stupid, and an excuse to be a wuss. But i agree it does ruin the friendship Things will never be the same. You may try to be friends again and you might succed but does feelings are still going to be there. So i say it's best to move on to another girl.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Shin

Topics similar to this come up pretty often here and my answer is always the same.

Anyone who goes through life being too much of a pussy to ask a girl out and settles for "Just being friends" is destined to get overlooked in favour of more proactive types their entire life.

That played out excuse "I didn't want to ruin the friendship" is fucking bollocks anyway. If you ask her out, the worst that could happen is she'd say no, things would be a little awkward for a month tops and then she might even come round to the idea once she knows how you feel. If you keep quiet then she'll never know you fancy her so will never consider the idea of going out with you. Eventually she'll meet someone else, you'll get jealous, she'll pick up on that and your friendship will be down the toilet anyway.

I do agree with your point, and i did ask her out eventually before we became good friends so in turns i wasn't hiding, and afterwards for future reference i took that idea into cause and now just get to know girls instead of actually 'befriending' them. It is one of the nice things with love, you can either take the road of friend, or the road of more than friends. In my case i tried to make a third road that combines the two and i got lost. Oh well...better luck next time eh?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by NaklsonofNakkl

I do agree with your point, and i did ask her out eventually before we became good friends so in turns i wasn't hiding, and afterwards for future reference i took that idea into cause and now just get to know girls instead of actually 'befriending' them. It is one of the nice things with love, you can either take the road of friend, or the road of more than friends. In my case i tried to make a third road that combines the two and i got lost. Oh well...better luck next time eh?

Yeah, there isn't really a middle ground in my experience. Just so long as you've asked her so there's no regrets about missed opportunities, you should probably try to move on.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Who else thought this thread was about masturbation?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I figured Tourettes Syndrome from the title actually.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by Shin

I figured Tourettes Syndrome from the title actually.

um...alright then, that's kinda weird-ish.

Originally Posted by Kolba

Who else thought this thread was about masturbation?

Yea, i have no idea where you got that idea from...

In a more closing statement i am just going to accept that i have no chance mainly because i screwed myself over long ago and i have nothing in my power i can do to change it and in reality i don't wish to take another risk of failing with the same person. At the moment i still believe that high school relationships are just...well, meaningless and to get myself into one (especially with the mind set i have for relationship's) is just going to be me hating the relationship and in the end just hurting more people than i want to. In the end, i failed, no use trying with the same person again, i accept defeat, i will shut up about this and stop bitching to myself about "what if..." and just go on with my life (since it really hasn't began much at all yet).

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?