Passive/Aggressive

When someone upsets you, do you usually let them know? Or are you the kind of person who just shrinks away from the aggressor and try to alter your ways to suit the needs of the person?

Essentially, how do you react to someone being critical of you? Do you flip out on them, do you listen to what they have to say and then possibly argue it? Do you back down and stew over it quietly?

How do you deal with aggressive people?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Aggressive people, umm, well, I just knock them around because chances for a self-defense situation are much higher that way.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Essentially, how do you react to someone being critical of you? Do you flip out on them, do you listen to what they have to say and then possibly argue it? Do you back down and stew over it quietly?

Its a case by case basis. At work, I do have to have some sort of diplomacy given the nature of my job. However, when I was at the liquor store, I'd tell people to get the fuck out of my store or eat ass and die if they were real assholes.

Aggressive Example: There was this really old Italian woman who was looking at sambuca and wanted to ask a question. I had to be about 20 feet away and she starts yelling "Boy! Excuse me, Boy?" and I ignored her until she kept yelling it louder, and I turned and said "How may I help you, you loud-assed old cunt?" loud enough for the entire store to hear. She turned and left immedeately and I hear my friend Brian dying in a fit of laughter across the store in the California wine aisle.

Passive Example: Theres also this woman who use to work at the store named "Cathy". She's the definition of white trash, fugly and annoying. Shes got this overly smooth face like a burn victim, she has Fran Drescher's laugh and shes from some poor-ass southern town, so she has this weird, half-southern-lisp. Not accent, lisp. AND I HATE HER GOD HOW I HATE HER. My hate is a pointed topic at the store because shed try to be nice and I'd ask her why she looked like someone threw a hot iron at her face.

Anyway, she comes in one day and says "Hi" to me - thinking she can kill me with kindness. So I ignore her to her face - she tries to talk to me and I don't respond and just look past her. It continues to the point where I'm walking around the store, putting boxes away and pulling stock and shes right behind me screaming HELLO, WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HELLO. (Again, Brian was witness and he was rolling on the floor. We are terrible, brutal people at the store) That was a year ago and I dont think Ive spoken to her ever since that incident.

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by LeHah

Its a case by case basis. At work, I do have to have some sort of diplomacy given the nature of my job. However, when I was at the liquor store, I'd tell people to get the fuck out of my store or eat ass and die if they were real assholes.

Aggressive Example: There was this really old Italian woman who was looking at sambuca and wanted to ask a question. I had to be about 20 feet away and she starts yelling "Boy! Excuse me, Boy?" and I ignored her until she kept yelling it louder, and I turned and said "How may I help you, you loud-assed old cunt?" loud enough for the entire store to hear. She turned and left immedeately and I hear my friend Brian dying in a fit of laughter across the store in the California wine aisle.

Passive Example: Theres also this woman who use to work at the store named "Cathy". She's the definition of white trash, fugly and annoying. Shes got this overly smooth face like a burn victim, she has Fran Drescher's laugh and shes from some poor-ass southern town, so she has this weird, half-southern-lisp. Not accent, lisp. AND I HATE HER GOD HOW I HATE HER. My hate is a pointed topic at the store because shed try to be nice and I'd ask her why she looked like someone threw a hot iron at her face.

Anyway, she comes in one day and says "Hi" to me - thinking she can kill me with kindness. So I ignore her to her face - she tries to talk to me and I don't respond and just look past her. It continues to the point where I'm walking around the store, putting boxes away and pulling stock and shes right behind me screaming HELLO, WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HELLO. (Again, Brian was witness and he was rolling on the floor. We are terrible, brutal people at the store) That was a year ago and I dont think Ive spoken to her ever since that incident.

I'm unsure how you're determining how to deal with each person, here. They both seem almost equally as rude, I guess. Screaming out "BOY. EXCUSE ME, BOY" and "WHY ARENT YOU TALKING TO ME HELLO" seem both pretty rude.

So, I mean, how do you determine what to do in each case?

You know, for all my tough talk, I've only really SNAPPED on customers once or twice in my lifetime. Diplomacy is hard for me, so I just try to keep the anger in.

Once when I worked at the hotel, I had a guy literally throw a phone at me. Thats about where I drew the line and decided that assault meant I could say anything I liked. So I did. But I've rarely snapped on people. If anything, I stare them down. I know if I open my mouth, it will probably never shut.

O. On a related note, I was at the gas station the other day (where I often am) and a carload full of assholes kids pulled up right next to my truck. They got mad at ME because they suck at parking. They thought they were all tough, trash-talking the fattie in her truck.

Until I got out and opened my mouth. Which didn't close for a good 15 minutes AFTER the face-off.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Quote:

Posted by LeHah
Its a case by case basis. At work, I do have to have some sort of diplomacy given the nature of my job. However, when I was at the liquor store, I'd tell people to get the fuck out of my store or eat ass and die if they were real assholes.

Damn, Lehah. Were you personal friends with the store owner? I can't think of anywhere that wouldn't get you fired. Which is too bad, wage slaves really should be allowed to do that to asshole customers.

Myself, I gauge whether it's even worth raising a stink in the first place. If it IS, I'm direct about it. Passive-aggressive behavior is completely ineffective, and it's little more than a symptom of lack of courage. Passive-aggressive types just lack the spine to directly stand up for themselves, so they imply and sigh and hint but never actually do anything when you call their bluff.

I picked up some really bad habits from my mom, who is so spineless she's afraid to even use the telephone. I let an old roommate of mine walk all over me for a semester, and I vowed never again. You cannot live as a doormat all your life, which what passive-aggressive behavior is all about. You might defiantly say "Go Away" in large print, but people are still wiping their feet on you.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Damn, Lehah. Were you personal friends with the store owner? I can't think of anywhere that wouldn't get you fired. Which is too bad, wage slaves really should be allowed to do that to asshole customers.

I was going to mention this, but I figured if someone gives LeHah a job, they must know what he's like. And want a guy like him on their team. ^_^

Quote:

Myself, I gauge whether it's even worth raising a stink in the first place. If it IS, I'm direct about it. Passive-aggressive behavior is completely ineffective, and it's little more than a symptom of lack of courage. Passive-aggressive types just lack the spine to directly stand up for themselves, so they imply and sigh and hint but never actually do anything when you call their bluff.

O, you know, I am a HUGE fan of direct, but I think passive-aggressive technique can be an asset sometimes. I notice that when dealing with women, you almost NEED to act passive aggressive if you want to get your point across. It's like they just DONT HEAR YOU unless you're acting like a chick or being passive-aggressive.

And I guess being direct isn't very chick-like? I've rarely encountered women who are brutally direct, but I always admire one when I come across her.

I DO think its the pansy-ass way of dealing with things. And when people send the passive-aggressive ball into my side of the court, I whack it back.

Quote:

I picked up some really bad habits from my mom, who is so spineless she's afraid to even use the telephone. I let an old roommate of mine walk all over me for a semester, and I vowed never again. You cannot live as a doormat all your life, which what passive-aggressive behavior is all about. You might defiantly say "Go Away" in large print, but people are still wiping their feet on you.

I find these situations extremely difficult. When you're stuck with a person or group of people for a long period of time (well, a semester anyways) and you really SHOULD keep peace because it would be intensely horrible to live with these people for a while with the tension it could cause.

But when someone is obviously fucking you over, it becomes more and more difficult to actually deal with things in a civil, diplomatic way.

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I was going to mention this, but I figured if someone gives LeHah a job, they must know what he's like. And want a guy like him on their team.

Well, its not like its a daily event. You have to be nice to some of the regulars. But when you catch little Mr Market pissing behind the dumpster, you lob snowballs at him until he goes away.

FELIPE NO

Depends entirely on the situation.

I don't mind a good critic now and again, so that doesn't bother me any. Always great to hear someone's impressions.

When it comes to people who aggressively just trying to annoy me, then it depends on the context. If it's something impersonal like a debate (or even a discussion thread I guess) then I don't think anything of it. If it's someone that really just wants to provoke me then I'll either remove myself from the situation, or get nasty about it.

I love a good discussion, but I absolutely do not go in for that whole getting mad and just arguing shit back and forth. Anything I have to say in a heated argument is my final word on the matter, I don't believe in yacking on and on and just getting worked up. I'll admit that when I was younger I used to get involved physically a lot of the time if someone really wanted to 'start shit'. I mean, I gave them the option to leave it be right?

The passive aggressive thing is something that I haven't done. I don't stew about things or keep contact with people that I would feel strongly enough against to hold a grudge.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Mostly passive. Very passive. I get aggressive when I get pissed the fuck off, but that takes a lot, and once I've reached the point, you're gonna get it - physically or verbally and swiflty. But I always feel bad about standing up to myself (as I said in a journal entry). I know it's irrational to feel that way, but even still, knowing this doesnt help me feel better about it.

Most amazing jew boots

I used to be exceptionally passive in High School and the first few semesters of college. I just never really saw a point in reacting to people's insults. You want to yell and swear at me? Go right ahead, it's not my time that's being wasted.

Nowadays I just stick with being brutally honest to people if they annoy me enough. If they're going to act like a whiny prick in public, I'll point it out to them.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I'm never openly aggressive to anyone. If I dislike somebody, I mostly just ignore them and reap enjoyment out of watching the stupid things they do. I enjoy being mean but it's often not worth the repercussions. I try not to allow people to make me angry. If someone is mean to me enough and crosses the line, I just completely disregard them until they go away and never talk to me again. I like my system because it is fun and non-stressful.

Unfortunately my anger threshold seems to be so high that I often get used and walked on just because I don't know or care that it's happening. I'm really somebody who wants to be a butterfly-hugging peace faggot, but I've got a mean streak. Oops.

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

When someone upsets you, do you usually let them know? Or are you the kind of person who just shrinks away from the aggressor and try to alter your ways to suit the needs of the person?

Essentially, how do you react to someone being critical of you? Do you flip out on them, do you listen to what they have to say and then possibly argue it? Do you back down and stew over it quietly?

How do you deal with aggressive people?

Heh I feel like this is my thread. I'm the type of person that will let you know if you're pissing me off when you are. I've no motive to lie to someone and let them carry on and let them build up some deep redemption inside me. There's absolutely no need for it, and if you let it linger there inside you...you're going to build up the anger and suddenly (somehow) lead yourself into a stage of depression.

When I get into the point of the conversation where I get angry, I simply say "Okay, this is pissing me off and if we're going to continue with this conversation I'm through talking to you."

I was a passive person through-out high school though, but once I started growing up I realized that it's not something you should be doing to yourself: Stand-up for yourself and let them know. As corny as it may sound it's true.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Too passive for me. I really suck at not taking complaints personally even though I can understand how tired some people are or that they're more angry with the system than at me.

The worst case was when I was working at the bank and some guy was really going out of his way to appear frustrated that I was the only teller at the time and he was on the borderline of whipping his cheques at me and breaking from the forced "politeness" to a full out yell. I took it like a sponge and then it was stuck in my head for the whole week/month afterwards. There's no way I'm going to tell a customer "fuck you!" because I always think that every employer forces you to believe that the customer is always right, and so if I did that, I would get into SO much shit and be fired.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Usually, I'm extremely passive and careless. But just today, as I was walking to my bus stop as usual to stop at the place on the sidewalk, one of three white chicks come up from right behind me, trying to continue walking in their side-by-side formation, bump into me. She's talking on her cell phone, holding her girly handbag with the other hand, all the while carrying a conversation with her two other friends until she runs into my backpack, abruptly giving me a look of disgust and irritation. Following her piss-off look for blocking her path indirectly, she moans, "EXCUSE ME" in a whiny, annoying voice like I should be lying down red carpet before her footsteps. Usually, I would go about and say nothing, but I actually said something this time. Maybe I'm changing. Side-effect of senioritis, perhaps?

edit. wow, this sounded like a Journal Entry.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I'm passive, I dislike conflict but if I have to be aggressive I will. It all depends on the situation.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

When someone upsets you, do you usually let them know? Or are you the kind of person who just shrinks away from the aggressor and try to alter your ways to suit the needs of the person?

Essentially, how do you react to someone being critical of you? Do you flip out on them, do you listen to what they have to say and then possibly argue it? Do you back down and stew over it quietly?

How do you deal with aggressive people?

I used to be the person that let people walk all over me. However, I had (and still sort of have) one fatal flaw in my character, when you do me wrong, I gotta get you back. I'm trying to erase this habit, but it's almost an instinct now. Back then, I wouldn't really say anything if someone did something to me. However, I'd strike back when things were quiet and the incident was forgotten. Apparently, I must have had some sort of look as well because my family could tell when I planning on revenge.

Now, I open my mouth a lot more often, now, but it seems like the same mean streak is still there, I guess. I'm trying to find a balance somewhere in the mix, I guess.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I think age has a lot to do with it. As a teenager, I didn't defend myself, even against my peers. But the older I get, the less willing I am to take shit from people. I try to be fair, let go of things that don't matter and stand up for myself when things do.

But one problem I have is not being able to discern what is worth raging about and what to let go. Sometimes I think a situation isn't a bit deal, but I leave and think about it and realize I should have said something.

Perhaps with more age, my judgement will get better, as well as my bitchy attitude.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I have the opposite of that problem you have. I have the tendency not to rage against too much of nothing, but I'm willing to put actions to my anger.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I use games to channel my anger but I do let people know if something annoys me and etc or that they screwed up but like I said situation depends on me. In highschool, I didn't let people walk on me but I did let bullies not bother me but if they swung at me, I sure let them have it. Especially when you got some 5 foot asshole whose skinny like a pole trying to take you down when your 6'5" and 320 pounds.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I am passive when it comes to fighting, which is really messed up because half of the messages I received from fellow martial artists and my father was to fight when necessary. However, since my high school and college have this "zero tolerance policy" where even if you were trying to defend yourself you get expelled no questions asked, I have been confused for a long time in how to handle people and that frustration leaks out in strange ways.

However, I do get aggressive with people who annoy me, but not in a physical sort of way. The person I'm staying with is a great example since I am forced to live with her until mid-May. She doesn't have a life and thinks that she has to act arrogant and prove people wrong in order to like herself. So, I do little things that annoy her such as turn down the AC and leave the light on when she's trying to sleep. It's not a lot, but she does become annoyed by it and I have less of a chance for getting suspended.

After all, when talking to people doesn't work, you need to take action right?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I tell them to take their half-baked, self-important criticism and respectfully shove it up their narrow ass.

Of course, it depends on the situation at hand. If someone is criticizing me on how I use a salad fork, chances are I'm not going to give a shit. Criticize me on how I maintain my personal life and I might or might not listen depending on your tone of voice with me.

Aggressive people can tend to be egotistical people, so it's not like anyone owes them any favors for blustering and spouting a bunch of trite masturbatory nonsense.

I was speaking idiomatically.

It usually depends on the situation and the people involved.

At work, I often encountered troublesome customers. I would never argue with them unless they were being unreasonable, and my "arguments" were always calm. Speaking with professors at school is also similar.

If I feel that something doesn't require my energy because I know the person is difficult to communicate with anyway, I simply move on.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

At school- I tend to be more passive then agressive. It takes a lot to get me fired up.

Outside of school-I'll let you know. I'm not so nice. I just don't care...wait... I usually don't care. If you look like someone who could harm me-
your hair is all messed up, you have a nasty smelling jacket, you're dirty.-

then I will most likely not open my mouth.

Yes. I am a coward.

FELIPE NO

I'm really the kind that sinks in everything, and it's wrong sometimes, since I have the tendecy of taking it out in another situation or when a lot of time has passed. However, it helps to know that not everyone has the job of making your life as hell, so I've found out of reasons why people get all agressive on me, and yes, as it turns out, they end up being my friends, or at least ending in peaceful negotiations. ^^

I should try to be more agressive when needed, it helps to defend yourself once in a while and give in to what you feel, so problems can be evaded in the future. However, I enjoy being my peaceful self.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I pretty much just ignore them. What is really amazing is that I tend to be kind of aggressive myself, and once I started noticing the patterns in my own behaviour (when I'm in an agressive mood) that really helped me cope with other agressive people, and just ignore it better. I don't know why, you would think they would be unrelated (or at least not helpful at all) but it worked. So if you start paying attention to yourself and how you act, IDK, maybe that would help you deal with agressive people when needed.

Me? I just tend to let people know what I feel. If they are really my friends, they will just laugh it off, or just take at as being honest truth and appreciate that, same as I would do with them. If they aren't, then I'll just piss them off and I won't really have lost anything.

Jam it back in, in the dark.