OK GUYS THIS IS WHAT THE PRESS CONFERENCE WILL BE LIKE!

Wow allright everyone so I just got off the phone with Iwata and we were just discussing what E3 would be like.

At first the conference will be covered in symbolism. All journalists entering the Kodak theatre will be required to shave their heads before stepping inside. There will be protests of course but all will be silenced with threats of missing out on the chance to be the first in the world to say "wow" when they reveal Revolution's graphics. Hyper magazine's corrospondant will continue to be a whiny bitch until Reggie shoots lasers from his eyes and sets fire to his hair.

Our freshly shaven jounalists will be seated and restless until suddenly the giant video screen infront of them bursts alive! It's the 2 minutes hate and the giant screen is filled with the faces of Steve Ballmer, Ken Kutaragi and J Allard. The video footage will be a montage. Ideally it would be all footage from the conferences immediatly preceding Nintendo's but Microsoft opted for a later slot. Spliced inbetween thise footage of stupid men talking about pie graphs and high definition will be archive footage of Hitler, Mussolini and Reagan.

BUT THEN a trumpet blows and a large caped figure begins sprinting into the Kodak theatre. Running down the asle, this giant clenches a PSP in his fist. Meanwhile on the video Ballmer is all "I LOVE THIS COMPANY! YEEEAAHH!" but before he can finish the caped figure throws his PSP is thrown at the screen and it explodes, destroying the screen.

The Internationale begins to play and as the screen crumbles and falls apart in a messy of sparks and smoke a SECOND screen behind it begins to play the first footage of Revolution games.

Almost in unison the crowd screams "WOW!"

Footage of games includes but is not limited to
Metroid Prime 3
Super Mario 128
Red Steel
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles
Star Tropics: Oceania
F-Zero
Wario Ware
Virtua Tennis
and of course FLIGHT GAME (which will be revealed as the real title)

Our cloaked figure has now ascended nto the stage and bursts out of the cloak revealling himelf to in fact be Reggie! He produces a revmote from his pocket, swings it into the air, turning off the video and definantly shouts "LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION!" to the screams of the weak journalists below him.

Reggie will then announce and introduce the winners of Nintendo's competition to be the first people to play Nintendo Revolution. The winners will be:
That guy with the afro and mouth bigger than Xbox who sat next to Reggie when he played Mario Kart at Mcdonalds.
The kid who was really excited when he got a N64 for Xmas. (On a sidenote, this kid will have already shat himself four times.)
And Fred Savage.

Fred Savage will then be "randomly" chosen as the ultimate winner and gets to challenge Reggie at Super Smash Bros: Brawl. Before they turn the Rev on Reggie will explain "Wait this is a four player game!" At this Iwata and the corpe of Yamauchii will take to the stage.

Of course it's no contest, Iwata wins. "Did I do well?" Fred will ask and Iwata will be all "LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLno"

While Reggie is busy throwing Fred Savage off the side of the stage Iwata will begin to murmour to the crowd "Don't worry, Goerge Harrison asked me if he courd come this morning and I ar-ready said noe." Iwata then gebins to crap on about feeling young again and how much he loves playing Tetris until Reggie interupts him "Hey should we reveal Revolution's secret now?"

Reggie reaches into his pocket and pulls out a helmet visor (he has large pockets) "HERE WE ARE" and as he goes to put it on, conspiracy theorists from blogspot will begin to shout from the back of the room "HAHA I KNEW IT!" at that point Reggie crushes the helmet with his hands and throws the shards at the moron up at the back.

Miyamoto then comes out to talk about his new game. it wasn't in the demo reel and his new game is all about running and operating you're own zoo except it's a zoo for fruit, not animals. By singing into a special microphone addon you can encourage you're fruit to grow bigger allowing to them to become neihbourhood champion wrestlers.

By this time, it will all become too much for Advance Media Network's Robert Miller who has flopped out his cock and is masturbating furiously, much to the delight of Planet Gamecube's Ty Shughart.

They won't be the only people turned on though, that chick from G4 will be back and so excited with Miyamoto's latest game will she be that she'll jsut drag him off stage to give him a headjob behind the curtains.

Reggie will once again resume control of the event and will begin to brag about DS sales. He'll also dismiss the entire Xbox 360 lineup as a joke and mock Ken Kutaragi's pathetic hairstyle, blaming Sony's future monetary woes on it. During this speech, Jeff Shirley of Planet Gamecube will have succesfully broken into the event, he'll run on stage and molest Iwata.

By now the conference will have gone an hour overtime, TeamXbox's rep who Nintendo invited as a joke will nervously try to stand upand leave. Reggie will spot him though and ROAR at him until he wets himself and returns to his seat.

Iwata then begins to round things up, and as he's about to walk off, returns quickly "Oh yeah I wasn't going to mention it because it's not taht exciting but Pokemon DS wir be a free onrine RPG." The crowd will go nuts and then Motion City Sountrack will take to the stage to perform "A-OK" reflecting the secret status page on NOA's website.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Holy crap.

You win the Internet.

However... needs more Reggie.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Reggie should drop through a glass ceiling as Ballmer screams "Yeah!", destroying the video screen as he falls toward the ground.

He would then continue on just as you have described it.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I can't decide whether or not this thread is better than last year's. The image of Reggie fighting Master Chief still resides inside my mind.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by JazzFlight

Holy crap.

You win the Internet.

However... needs more Reggie.

Reggie's the man. He's probably the 3rd best reason to pay attention to what's going on for Nintendo at E3 this year after Revolution and Zelda. He always makes me laugh when he defends Nintendo's most obvious flaws.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

closed b/c of revolution discussion lol

No really this thread is pretty awesome. Good job Rab. ='D

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by RABicle

BUT THEN a trumpet blows and a large caped figure begins sprinting into the Kodak theatre. Running down the asle, this giant clenches a PSP in his fist. Meanwhile on the video Ballmer is all "I LOVE THIS COMPANY! YEEEAAHH!" but before he can finish the caped figure tilts his PSP and launches a UMD disk at the screen and it explodes, destroying the screen.

FIXED.

Yeah, this is made of bonus. Wait... there was one last year? Does anyone have that?

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

RAB might and he might have done this thread last year in PGC but the GFF version was lost in the recent crash. The GFF archive only goes back to March 2005 and I'm pretty sure it was made after that.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Yeah I dont think I topped last year. I had to try and not use the same jokes and obviosuly Reggie fighting Master Cheif would be the greatest thing ever.

I can confirm that this one IS LONGER than last years.

A slightly different version of last years thread is here http://www.planetgamecube.com/forums...threadid=12444 You're going to have to scroll down to my post.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Okay, what? (Am I missing something here?)

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

This needed more Steve Ballmer in it. Steve Ballmer > Reggie

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

~bows~ that was a really fun read thank you *is still laughs*

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by RABicle

Miyamoto then comes out to talk about his new game. it wasn't in the demo reel and his new game is all about running and operating you're own zoo except it's a zoo for fruit, not animals. By singing into a special microphone addon you can encourage you're fruit to grow bigger allowing to them to become neihbourhood champion wrestlers.

This is actually my favorite part, because I can totally see it happening.

Quote:

By this time, it will all become too much for Advance Media Network's Robert Miller who has flopped out his cock and is masturbating furiously, much to the delight of Planet Gamecube's Ty Shughart.

Although I don't know the journalists, this just had me in stitches.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Needs some absailing 'terrorists' who decide to drop in out of sheer delight for Nintendo's new vision.

Iwata: 'OOU MY GOOOOOH'

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by RABicle

By this time, it will all become too much for Advance Media Network's Robert Miller who has flopped out his cock and is masturbating furiously, much to the delight of Planet Gamecube's Ty Shughart.

Gee thanks Rab...I'm sure Ty is just as thankful :-p. (points out sig)

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

What this conference REALLY needs is Lorne Lanning outta NOWHERE!

"I'm somewhat sick of Peter Moore's cock, after sucking it the past 5 years. Gimme somethin' new, REGGAY!"

ODDWORLD 6 OUTTA NOWHERE. SO AWESOME THEY HAD TO SKIP THE FIFTH GAME.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Lol really! What happend to their remarkable "vision"? Abe's Exodus wasn't meant to count as a game and Oddworld: Hand of Odd was MEANT to be the 3rd game after Munch. NEVER HAPPEND, BEST LAID PLANS ARE BYPASSED FOR XBOX!

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I found the mispelling!

Also this wins on 5 dimensions of awsome.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by RABicle

Reggie will then announce and introduce the winners of Nintendo's competition to be the first people to play Nintendo Revolution. The winners will be:
That guy with the afro and mouth bigger than Xbox who sat next to Reggie when he played Mario Kart at Mcdonalds.

"YOU'VE WON A TRIP TO E3 TO PLAY THE REVOLUTION"
"WOW, REALLY?"
"YEAH"


"WOW!"
"... YEAH!"


"WOW"
"UH"

Most amazing jew boots

Smash Brothers was an afterthought.

You phail. Except not really.

It was a really good laugh.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Holy shit Infernal. I cried with laughter at your fuckin' post.

Hella funny shit RAB. Excellent job.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

tl;dr

j/k. RAB I applaud your efforts. LETS HOPE THAT THE REAL PRESS CONFERENCE IS AT LEAST 1/100th THIS AWESOME

How ya doing, buddy?

K guys you don't have to suck my cock anymore.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

lol RAB you suck. Is that better? Want me to close this thread or something?

I mean it made me laugh and all and that's just about all it's going to do more or less for anyone else who reads. The thread pretty much boils down to a funny chocojournal entry so basically all you're going to get is comments. What else are you expecting in here?

Jam it back in, in the dark.